AdScam/The Horror!

going barmy in balmy belize!

I asume you are all following the continuing saga of John McAfee. You know, the guy who founded the software company that still bears his name before flogging it for fucking billions and putting most of the proceeds up his nose. He got himself arrested in Guatemala after asking the country for asylum. Now they are going to ship him and his twelve year old girlfriend back to Belize to get the facts... Just the facts Maamm... About the murder of his next door neighbor, who pissed off McAfee, 'cos his dog was barking. So he didn't shoot the dog, he shot the owner... Bit fucking extreme, you might say. Perhaps the best summing up of all this was from the Prime Minister of Belize, who said... "I don't want to be unkind to the gentleman, but I believe he is paranoid, even bonkers." Too fucking true, mate!

Seen outside McFee's house. Apparently cats are OK!

Ogilvy-a-boola-shiterama!!!

Since my post of ten minutes ago... Others emails have flooded in, with most of them informing me that... OGILVY LAYOFFS START MONDAY... I could be wrong, but my sources are usually very reliable. However, the timing sounds right. Shitcan people on the 10th, then by the time the Christmas party rolls round on the 20th, the people fortunate enough to still be able to attend will thank their lucky stars they won't be signing on for unemployment benefits this calendar year... Meantime, holiday greetings form the Poisoned Dwarf's Davos rich fucker chalet. 

I gauge out their eyes and sauté them with cous cous!  

because adscam is a fucking prince... we have used our ultimate power and brought christmas back to ogilvy. God bless us one and all!

Never fucking say that I do not have the uber-balls to walk on water and turn the aforementioned water into wine... Although, 28 year old Laphroig would be better... Anyhow, moving on... I posted the other day that because of its plumbing problems at East Hoboken, Ogilvy had decided not to have a Christmas party this year... Well, guess what... One of my Ogilvy deep throats informs me that John Seifert just sent a company wide email announcing the continuation of the menorah lighting ceremony and teddy bear Christmas tree. Also, there will be a non-hosted bar (OK, I just made the last bit up) Xmas party on dec 20. Originally, as I posted, these were all canceled. However, as my informant points out... "Maybe this is a morale boosting tactic in effort to soften the mass layoff coming this Monday." Fuck me, yeah, that'll work. David must be half way to Hell as he spins beneath the Chateau Toufou turf these days!

No, it's not Kate, and it has fuck all to do with Ogilvy... But, she is rather tasty, and it's my blog!

 

Swiss chocolate hits BDA fan!

And the next big shoe to drop in the ad biz is the Nestle account, which has just gone into review. Media and boring shit for now, but creative will be following shortly... All $800 fucking million of it. Current agencies include... DraftFCB, Goodby Silverstein, JWT and Publicis. You just know, based on it's current track record, Draft/FCB is well and truly fucked. And you also know, 'cos JWT has had part of the Swiss companies biz since the Stone age, the Poisoned Dwarf is going to do an "Enfatico," and come up with "Team Nestle." This will require having the troops work for stale bread and water and do other nasty shit (see below,) whilst he manages things from the vaults of his private Swiss Bank. You just know this whole business is going to be a magnificent cluster fuck and that the bottom line is going to be all about... The fucking bottom line! Welcome to the world of modern advertising!

"Team Nestle" team members will be required to shoot their pets, as they are eating into WPP profits!

does larry ellison know about this shit?

If you really want proof that the economy is recovering like gangbusters and all those millions of unemployed people on food stamps you keep reading about are just some kind of hologram created by the democratic/socialist/fascist/pinkos, here’s an item that will cheer you up on your next trip to the fucking foodbank… Over at CNBC, there’s a news piece titled… “My other yacht is a support yacht.” Apparently, the owners of mega-yachts are pissed that every time one of their helicopters lands on board as it shuttles the latest bimbo du jour in for an evening’s stimulating conversation, it blows the fucking deck cushions around. So, yacht-maker Amels has launched the Rolls Royce of support yachts -- the Sea Axe -- a 220-feet ship that can hold a mega-chopper, loads of speedboats, a submarine, and all the scuba gear, jet skis and floaties an oligarch or sheik could ever want. No doubt, the crew of fifty will spend all of their time polishing shit.

Wait a fucking minute. Am I on the real yacht, or the fucking support one?

Goodby Silverstein wins Honda account???

OK… Here’s today’s Hot – Hot – Tip – Suggestion du Jour. As I posted earlier, now the new marketing douchenozzle of Honda, Michael Accaveti, has decided that after RPA has worked their arse off for twenty six fucking years building a major brand, they should be heretofore consigned to the dumpster of history… He is obviously in the market for a new agency… So, why doesn’t he convince Goodby Silberstein + Partners to pull the plug on the ongoing and increasingly fucking tatty Commonwealth joke, dump Chevy and start performing their magic for Honda. Obviously, he would have to give them the business on a plate… None of that review shit for these guys. He would also have to pay them a humungous fee to put up with his bullshit. But hey, it’s advertising. None of it is real, it doesn’t affect anyone. So, let’s make loot while the sun shines.

And yes... The Shitasmic “AdScam” Agency Search Consultancy is now open for business. But not cheap!

Should I get the Ferrari or the fuckin’ Roller? 

apple fades!

You know how the end of the world is going to happen on December 21^st? Well, that’s according to the Mayan calendar. – By the way. Did you know that the Mayan’s invented Mayanaise - Nah, just kidding. Actually, the end of the world was yesterday. That’s because Apple’s stock dropped $37… By the end of the day De Anza Blvd was littered with the bodies of people who had thrown themselves out of Apple’s basement windows. I mean what the fuck is an ApleTard to do about the new Ferrari that’s on order? I’ll bet GodJobs is looking down and trying to make up his mind whether or not to ride his iCloud down and once again perform one of his miracles. Start praying!

Forgive them, for they know not what they do!

Me... Me... Fucking me!

Just when you thought you couldn't take any more of me... There's more. Yes, psfk has decided to feature my prediction for what kind of shit will be coming down the pipes in 2013... As you would expect, I am not optimistic... But, you'd be fucking disapointed if I was. Get your arse over there and Tweet, friend, circle, Pinterest, or whatever the fuck turns you on.

For fucks sake... Tweet me!!!

Honda Marketing fucktard demonstrates why we should all pack in advertising and switch to playing the piano in a brothel!

Just to prove that nothing lasts forever, news yesterday that after a twenty six year relationship with RPA, Honda is putting its $700 million account up for review. This is a fucking tragedy. RPA fucking built that brand. So what happened? What always happens… A douchenozzle by the name of Michael Accaveti comes in as VP National Marketing and says… “There is no need to put RPA's business up for review, it would be completely unproductive and unnecessary. RPA is an extension of the Honda family." Well, he just fucked mom and dad, ‘cos now he says… “In the face of a changing media landscape and a hyper-competitive marketplace, our challenge is to create dynamic marketing campaigns that connect and engage consumers with our products and our brands." Boy, that was a mouthful. Obviously, the fact that Honda sales this year are up 24% means fuck all to Mr. Accaveti. RPA has said they will defend the business… Guys, a word of advice from an old fart… Don’t fucking do it. You’ll blow a shitload of money for nothing. The fucktard wants a new toy. Unfortunately. you aint it!

Oh, why the fuck not?

ogilvy cancels christmas!

The great thing about writing AdScam, apart from sweating my nuts off, and occasionally being insulted by some fucktard who thinks ‘cos I ALWAYS have a picture of Hitler on Wednesday, I am some kind of holocaust denier… Is all the lovely juicy information I get from inside collapsing BDA’s. Just got an update from an AdScamer on the Ogilvy flood. Apparently it wasn’t the hurricane, it was burst water pipes that the owner of the building was supposed to have fixed before WPP signed the lease. In order to get the cheapest deal possible, the Poisoned Dwarf had a Tibetan plumbing company strip out and sell the lead pipes which had been in there since the Revolutionary War, then replace them with piping made from recycled McDonald coffee cups all tied together with duct tape (You don’t think I’m making this shit up, do you?) I am also reliably informed that there will be no Ogilvy Christmas party this year, and big layoffs are imminent. Bah… Humbug! 

Greetings from Sir Martin!