AdScam/The Horror!

meanwhile… down at the shed!

I just watched Alex’s SodaStream ad again… The one I posted about yesterday… And I realized something. The spot says that by using this machine (produced in an illegal West Bank settlement) you can save 2,000 plastic bottles a year. That’s FIVE & HALF fucking bottles a day. Who the fuck drinks five & a half bottles of fizzy sugared water (GodJobs description of Pepsi to Sculley) a day. Bit of an exaggeration Alex. Still, fuck it, it’s only advertising. Ka-ching!

It's OK... It's a "green" cash register!

will the last social network to leave the digi-sphere, please turn off the lights!

As you may have noticed, most of the social networking sites everyone was having an insane love affair with just recently, are tanking severely on the stock market. Shouldn’t be too surprised, it’s dot com dejavue all over again. The only one that seems to be doing OK is LinkedIn. However, reading on seekingalpha.com, a very interesting piece on the social shit storm, I hadn’t realized that LinkedIn has a P/E ratio of 1,000. Man, that is fucking scary. All it will take is one bad quarter and the Wall Street fucktards will jump ship like they’re deserting the fucking Titanic. We shall see. Personally, I’ve been on LinkedIn since it started, I only ever got one job from it… And the fuckers tried to stiff me! They are now dead!

Do not fuck with Parker!

Alex goes “green”– As in cash!

Moving on from his anti-Coke, badly drawn polar bears spot of a few weeks ago, Alex Bogusky has thrown his hat back into the sordid field of commerce by hooking up with Israeli company, SodaStream who makes a do-it-yourself soda fountain that lets you cut down on sugar and syrup and shit, while you load up on hash, crack, or fucking battery acid. First thing I want to know is if Alex is doing this pro-bono in his quest to improve the health of the nation… Or, is he doing it for the TBE (Thick Brown Envelope) under the table? C’mon Alex, fess up. The second thing is… Does Alex know that SodaStream has been made subject to a boycott by “CodePink” the Woman for Peace organization. Apparently, although all the packaging claims the appliances are made in Israel, they are actually made in an illegal West Bank settlement. Anyway, the basis for their “Green” claims is that the machine saves buying all those plastic bottles, ‘cos it makes fizzy water from tap water. You still have to flavor it with all those fucking chemicals. C’mon Alex, how much is going into the Shed’s piggy bank?

I'll bet it doesn't roll fags!

the magic of capitalism!

My my, the shit’s certainly hitting the fan over on Wall Street this morning… J. C. Penney’s sales are down 26%, and you can’t even blame “Lovemarks” for that, since they split with Kev’s “5 Star Fine Dining & Living Emporium,” nearly a year ago. Groupon is circling the drain at $3.00 a share… Anyone remember the IPO… Twenty fucking dollars a share, and all the clowns were sweeping them up. Speaking of which… Facebook has just gone under $20.00 a share… AGAIN! Zuckernozzle must be wondering where his next billion dollars will be coming from. Still… With the awesome power of AdScam, my last post must have done the trick, Apple is up… Oh, fuck, I just checked again. It’s down. Wait a minute… Now it’s up. GodJobs is well and truly pissed. It’s up to you people… Sell your kids, sell your fucking body if you have to… Let’s move that iShit.

What Wall St Movers & Shakers are wearing these days.

if you love god-jobs… listen up!

OK AppleTards… The stock of the greatest company in the history of the Universe is now officially in bear territory! It is now nearly 25% lower than it was just two fucking months ago. And this after the launch of all those shiny new iToys. Yeh, we know all about slow delivery on iPhone 5, and all those cheeky fuckers coming out with tablets for the price of a fucking hamburger… But they are not from Apple, and they are not imbued with the holy spirit of GodJobs. He’s up there on his iCloud. He’s watching you. So what if you already have an iPhone for every day of the week, and you’re using iPads as fucking door stoppers… So get off your arse and buy more Apple shit. You know it’s the right thing to do!

I'm watching you fuckers!

Nick Brien’s peerage may be a bit late coming!

As a follow up to my various posts about the impending shit-canning of both Larry “”See me in the corner gym” Boschetto and Nick Brian, Ace fucktard wanker CEO of McCann.. A loyal AdScamer, points us in the direction of Brien’s bio on Debrett’s… Which is some kind of British, uber-society Web site for drooling peers of the realm and similar wankers… Listed in Nick’s recreations are these… Polo, skiing, tennis, golf, squash, tae kwon do (former UK national champion), theatre, ballet, opera, reading. Oh, yes indeed, very upper class and super esoteric. Too bad “not fucking up the business you are in charge of” isn’t included! Meantime… Getting back to selling Twinkies to an unmarried mother of three living in a Mississippi trailer park… Can you imagine Nick heading that shit up?

House, House… I live in a fucking palace!

Where in the world is howard draft?

With all the shit flying around Draft/FCB because of the much deserved, but tragically overdue, pending dismissal of Larry “See me in the corner gym” Boschetto, has anone noticed that there isn’t a peep these days about Howard. He's still listed on their abysmal Web site as “Executive Chairman,” whatever the fuck that means… Although it obviously involves a humungous pay packet. Hey, they even have Jonathon “Idgy” Harries listed as… “Vice Chairman Emeritus & Executive Advisor, Global Creative.” Now that’s a fucking mouthful! No one has seen him in fucking ages… Obviously, he’s being held in reserve ‘til they need a really big Creative Rumble to save one of the last couple of accounts they’ve still got. 

Oh... OK!

can you think of anything worse than crowdsourced beer–especially if it’s a bud?

In it’s insane wisdom, Budweiser, “The King of Nuns Piss Beer” has introduced ‘Project 12′ which is the result of the pathetic efforts of the brewmasters at its twelve breweries (you know, the ones that look like oil refineries.) Apparently, the new ‘Black Crown’ variety emerged out of this competition, and has been modeled after the beer created at the Los Angeles brewery. A Budweiser spokesnozzle said that as its alcohol content is a massive 6% (Normal Bud is 5%) it will get you rat faced quicker and lull you into a false sense that you are actually drinking beer, instead of Nuns Piss made out of fucking rice. Maybe they should put some Clydesdale shit in it!

I wouldn't be caught dead in that!

on the subject of legalized shit!

I don’t want to belabor the current election bullshit… But, I was amused to read the remarks of Colorado Governor, John Hickenlooper. Fuck, why would anyone not be tempted to change a name like that? When the Coloradans voted to legalize Mari-Ju-Ana yesterday… He said… “Don’t break out the Cheetos and Goldfish yet!” Which raises the question… How the fuck did Governor HickenNozzle know that sucking on the old bong creates a craving for all that health food? Is there anything in the Gubernator’s past that requires a thorough AdScam investigation here? 

Meantime… Back at the Governors mansion!

idaho votes… For???

You have to live in Boise, Idaho, to appreciate just how fucking awful local newspapers can be. For the first time in fucking months, this mornings Idaho Statesman’s front cover was not dedicated to the “Bronco’s” – The local wanky college football team. No, it was devoted to the election results… And the lead headline… Idaho voters OK hunt, fish, trap amendment… Yeah baby… Fuck the Presidency and all that Congress and Senate shit (All the seats in Idaho are won by fascists anyway!) No, it’s about the fact that the right to hunt, fish and trap is now a constitutional right in Idaho. So let’s load up those assault weapons and get out there and blow those fucking critters to smithereens. Life is great in the Fourth Reich!

You lookin' for me?