AdScam/The Horror!

T.G.I.F + one!

It’s Saturday, so the ad biz is closed for the weekend. Except for all the poor fuckers out there working through Saturday and Sunday on a pitch for a piece of new business that deep down inside they know they have no fucking chance of winning, and even if by some miracle, they did win it, they would lose it in six months, ‘cos a new CMO comes in at the client end and wants to hire his buddies at his old agency… The one that used to wine & dine him, get him tickets to the Super Bowl and get him laid with high priced Ho’s. So, everyone on the newly won and lost account will get laid off, management will award themselves a “performance bonus.” And not a fucking thing will change. I suggest you drink your way through the weekend and show up on Monday full of piss & vinegar. Unless you have a better idea!

No... That works!

super bowl sans danica’s go daddy tits?

I posted just last month that word on the Reeperbahn was that Deutsch, after talking shit about elevating Go Daddy’s ads up a couple of notches from where they usually reside in the gutter, had given in to the pull of the big bucks and was going to put Danica Patrick back in the Super Bowl spots. Well now, it seems they’ve changed their fucking minds again. According to Go Daddy’s CMO, Barb Rechterman (That’s “Barb” not “Barbie”) "What we're trying to do is redefine sexy to be a small-business owner running a successful business. So we want to explore options of how we make our advertising new." OK Barb, let me get this straight… Small Biz = Sexy. I can see that working it for “Naughty Nanette’s Sex Toys,” but what about “Mario’s Plumbing Supplies?” 

Barb... Barb... You must not let the pressure get to you!

destitute madman will work for boddingtons!

Agencies over in the UK can look forward to increasingly slim pickings in the future. A bigger proportion of UK marketers slashed their ad budgets in the third quarter of 2012 than at any time since the recession began three years ago. Yet it was only at the beginning of this year everyone was shooting their pie holes off and wetting their pants at the prospect of the big spending that would take place during events such as as Euro 2012 football, the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and the Olympics. Guess what? It never happened, in fact expenditures went down. Now the forecasts for next year seem to be even grimmer… You know why? Simple, when things get tough, the first thing that gets slashed is the ad budget, cos it has an immediate effect on the bottom line… And you know all that shit about investing in the future, when everyone else is cutting back… With the way things are in Britain right now, many companies are not too sure they’ll even have a fucking future.

OK... That'll do!

mobile advertising aint happening!

If you ever needed proof that Facebook is fucked, how about the news today that Donald Trump has just bought shares in the company. I mean this is a guy who has redefined the definition of the word “Bankruptcy.” On a more serious note, with the totally unexpected news on Thursday afternoon that Google reported really bad third quarter earnings due to a decline in CDC – Cost Per Click revenues. Something that’s been getting increasingly worse for four consecutive quarters. Why is this? It’s fucking simple, it’s the same thing that’s happening to Facebook… MOBILE… It isn’t an advertising media, and unless some genius can come up with a way to do it effectively on a tiny screen… It never fucking will be. The “Donald” is fucked. Still, he can always go bankrupt… Again.

Maybe a "Hoodie" would help!

get off your arse and get to quartz.com!

Hot off the diamond hard presses, another gem for Quartz.com… “Why Newsweek and the Daily Beast failed, while Bloomberg and Businessweek didn’t.” Sit down, pour a stiff one, light a fag, and enjoy. As a loyal AdScamer, you’ve earned it. And yes, as you know, I am a fucking prince!

The booze is on the way!

a truly sincere suggestion to wieden + kennedy!

Here’s a thought… Nike has virtually built Wieden + Kennedy from day one. It’s certainly been the single most important factor responsible for their sterling reputation, phenomenal growth and enviable profitability… So, how about W+K pays for and produces a “mea culpa” spot expressing their honest thoughts about how they, along with millions of others, were taken for a ride on the Lance Armstrong band wagon, and how much they regret having been part of it. Obviously, Nike should pay for the air time to run it… Maybe even on the Super Bowl. I believe the goodwill generated for both Nike and W+K would be phenomenal and would go a long way towards ameliorating the nasty taste this shit has left in all our mouths. Why don’t we let them know how we feel about this?

Hey, W+K and Nike… Why not “Just Do It.”

Does alex bogusky know about this?

If you ever needed proof that some people are crazier than a shithouse rat… News yesterday that some fucktard just paid $10,000 on eBay for a one-gallon container of 20-year-old McJordan barbecue sauce… McFuckingWhat? Apparently, the sauce was created for a limited run of Michael Jordan inspired cheeseburgers that were sold at a small number of McDonald's fat shacks in the early 1990s. The McJordan was a quarter pound burger topped with bacon, cheese, McJordan barbecue sauce, onions, mustard, and pickles. These were billed as Michael Jordan's "favorite ingredients." To which I have to ask… Isn’t that the same shit that goes on every fucking bacon cheesburger. I mean, does Michael Jordon personally cook the fucking thing. Oh, and it was bought by someone from Chicago… Michael Jordon’s bookie, ya think?

Maybe Howard and the missus are having a barbecue!

final Note to lance armstrong… shit happens!

Without wishing to flog a dead horse, here are my final thoughts on the Lance Armstrong fucking fiasco. Although, as I have posted, both here and as comments on various other sites… It aint over yet… I honestly believe the Feds will eventually come after him for using tax payer dollars to fund the doping regime he instigated at USPS. However, as of yesterday, Nike, AB, Radio Shack, and Honey Stinger Foods had pulled sponsorship deals. Trek and Oakley will probably follow shortly. It is reported that Armstrong is currently worth about $125 million, which should see him and his family comfortable for the foreseeable future… EXCEPT, apart from being stripped of his various titles, the organizers of the Tour de France and others are expected to ask for the refund of several million in prize money. Also, the various lawsuits he has won against magazines, newspapers and publishers, will be reopened and he will have to return damages, plus interest. We can also expect the various people who’s reputations and livelihoods he has destroyed to sue the shit out of him. Armstrong has spent a fortune on lawyers over the last few years. This is going to be chump change in comparison to what he will have to pay up in the future. I hope the hypocritical fucker ends up living in a cardboard box on the sidewalks of Austin hustling for change. Like they say… “What goes around, comes around.”

It's over kiddo!!!

is Armstrong’s house of cards collapsing!

It looks as if Nike has finally been shamed into realizing that its continuing support of Lance Armstrong was really fucking stupid. Just a few minutes ago Nike said it was ending Armstrong's contract "with great sadness." It will however, continue to support the initiatives of Livestrong, his cancer non-profit organization. Also, this morning, it was announced that Armstrong has stepped down as Chairman of Livestrong. No doubt there will still be thousands who believe Lance is the victim of some kind of witch hunt, the same people who believe Elvis is still alive and living in fucking Texas… Hopefully cycling can finally get on with cleaning up its act… But there’s still more shit to come out in the next few weeks. 

The fat lady has not yet sung.

starving ceo… will retire for millions!

Disregarding all the monumental fuck ups that Vikram Pandit, was responsible for as CEO of “Too Big To Fail” Citigroup, my heart bleeds for the poor fucktard. ‘cos he stands to forfeit almost $33 million in cash and stock from a retention package unless the board gives him a payout to ease his exit. Until you realize that Citigroup’s shareholders will have paid the incompetent douchenozzle $261 million in compensation in the five years since he became CEO, this including personal compensation and $165 million for the 2007 purchase of his Old Lane Partners LP hedge fund in a deal that positioned him to take charge of the company. Pandit shut Old Lane and booked a $202 million writedown soon after he took the post. You really have to take your hat of to these people. They pay him a shitload of money for his company, which he then closes down, sticking his new company with the debt. I’m sorry, I don’t understand this shit. I’ll stick to advertising. That’s crooked enough for me.

I took my money and fucked off!