AdScam/The Horror!

Zynga’s bummer ipo!

In case you missed it, Game maker, Zynga did it’s IPO yesterday, which turned out to be a bit of a dud compared to the insane amounts of dosh Groupon and LinkedIn raked in on their first day of trading. Something about the valuation being too high, which strikes me as a bit strange considering they actually sell dumfuck games like Farmville and Mafia Wars to people who can break away from Tweeting and Facebooking their pathetic lives away. I mean c’mon, these guys will book one fucking billion dollars in revenue this year from wankers willing to pay real money for imaginary tractors and cement overcoats. Believe it or not, Zynga sells 38,000 virtual items EVERY SECOND! Beats the shit out of buying fucking coupons for tattoos that turn gangrenous in a week and burgers that taste like dog shit. But then again. What the fuck do I know about the stock market… Shit, what the fuck does anyone know about the stock market?

Oh, but Mark Pinkas, Zynga’s founder, cashed in some of his shares BEFORE the IPO, and picked up more than one hundred fucking million dollars. And that's in real dollars. 

Yeah, all that money for selling shit that doesn't exist!

 

too much of a good thing?

The one thing you have to say about America, is that when it decides to do something, it usually does it to fucking excess. Take retail store sales… Yeah, I remember when there used to be a sale a few times a year. Now it’s every fucking day. In fact according to the NYT, stores are now shuffling the calendar to pack in even more sales, I suppose this means the Easter sale will be at Christmas. I don’t fucking care. Anyway, who needs sales when you’ve got Groupon for fucktards. When I first arrived in New York, you didn’t need sales, you just needed someone who could “Get it for you wholesale.” I also remember when at the end of the football season, there were the Bowl Games, all four of them. Now there are 35 of the fuckers, sporting dipshit names like… Little Caesars Pizza Bowl – Famous Idaho Potato Bowl (here in Boise. Where else?) And the GoDaddy.com Bowl. That’ll be the one where the officials are big breasted ladies in skimpy outfits that keep falling down, and Danica Patrick comes out in an ugly NASCAR heap and does naked “wheelies’ at half time. And don’t get me going on the fucking basketball “play-offs” that last longer than the regular season.

They even made a movie of it!

is “Social Media” an oxymoron?

As I pointed out yesterday, I just got hacked, phished and fucked on Twitter… Again. I’m only on it to pimp books. So buy the fuckers, then I can get off it. Anyway, just to prove that far too many of the people on Twitter are raving loony fucktards who need to get a proper life, news yesterday that a federal judge has dismissed a criminal case against a man charged with stalking a Buddhist religious leader on Twitter on the grounds that the more than 8,000 messages he posted, some predicting her violent death, were protected by the US constitution. Hello! I suppose this now means that not only can douchenozzles use your account to peddle dildos and pictures of Glen Beck in a Nazi outfit… They can threaten you with a horrible death. And do it in less than 140 characters.

Why the fuck not?

WPP debuts “Team–Fucking–Team.”

I don’t know about you guys, but I am getting completely pissed off with the number of “Teams” being tasked to handle crappy car accounts that keep popping up. I blogged a few days ago about the fact that at least one fucking car company had decided to pull the plug on all this shit and get back to using a Big Dumb Agency. Yeah, that was Volvo, from the land of eight foot tall, big breasted ladies and 150 proof Beska Droppar. But now, back here in the land of auto leviathans, word is that we are about to be blessed with “Team Lincoln.” And guess who came up with this earth shattering idea? You guessed it, fucking WPP. Which means it will reside in the Poisoned Dwarf’s trophy cabinet alongside “Team Detroit” – “Team Ford” and “Team Mazda.” I’m thinking of starting “Team AdScam.” Why not? It makes as much sense as “Team Fucking Edsel.”

Guess who's on my "Team?"

wizened of oz’s son digs ever deepening hole… then Keeps on fucking digging!

Someone, even older than me, once said… “Be Sure your sins will find you out.” Now, in the age of the Internet, SocialNozelry and Hack du Jour (I just got hacked again on Twitter!) you would think that someone, supposedly as smart, and definitely as rich, as the heir apparent to the Dirty Diggers rancid empire would have the brains to realize… You can no longer hide anything. The more you try and cover something up… The worse it gets… Anyone out there remember “Herminator Cain?” Yesterday’s Guardian has a lovely story about how James Murdoch, knew all about the shit that was going on in one of his dad’s evil newspapers. Yet he consistently denied culpability. Now, surprise, surprise, it appears he knew all about it all along…. Which, hello you fucking retarded churl like cretin… Makes it worse. Everyone knows that the picture of your naked arse on the Xerox will one day surface on FaceBook. Best thing is to make a joke about it… But hacking into a murdered girls voice mail, makes you a gold plated fucktard. Then pretending it was someone else's fault makes you a CU*T. And that’s a word I never, ever, fucking use in deference to all my loverrrrllly lady AdScamers. But, I was driven to it. Mea Culpa. Fucking ouch!

It'll never happen!

Why I hate fucking Twitter!

Several of you have kindly informed me that my Twitter account has been fucking hacked again. You are obviously being informed that I am in the Dildo/Sex/Toy business… Well, I’m not… Well, not publicly anyway. Sorry about this, hopefully it will stop. If it doesn’t let me know. This is the second or third time this has happened to me. I fucking HATE Twitter. I only use it to pimp books and the blog. Yes, I am an AdHo, but an honest AdHo, well, a semi-honest AdHo. ‘Cos, as you all know, I am a fucking Prince!

AdScam wrist bands... $1,000 a pop!

Y&R tragedy update.

AdAge has an update on the terrible accident at Y&R yesterday. Nothing much new to add to what was already known. Apparently, Suzanne was about to step into the elevator, when it took off. Downwards, I assume. Two people were already in the car when it happened. They only had minor physical injuries, but their current mental state, can only be imagined. Holy shit! I haven’t been in the building in years, but creative used to be on eight. AdAge notes “The building is 25 stories tall, and its elevators have received many violation citations over the years. The complaints were all dismissed by the New York City Department of Buildings, according to BIS records online.” Mmmm. So much for code violations. I should think there’ll be a lot of people using the stairs at 285 Madison from now on.

Update on the update: The New York Times has a much more detailed (and rather gruesome) piece on this unfortunate death. Apparently, the elevator car went up, not down. It took eight fucking hours to get poor Suzanne’s body free. The other two Y&R employees were stuck in the elevator for over an hour. These people are going to need serious help.

A week ago, I was writing nice things about the place!

 

A genuine and heartfelt word of advice to Sir Martin Sorrell regarding the unfortunate death of one of his employees.

This is a sad, sad day for everyone in the ad biz. I am not about to do my usual piss & vinegar nasty reflex action on behalf of everyone involved in the advertising business. Poor Suzanne Hart died a very unfortunate, and reportedly horrible death today. Y&R’s headquarters at 285 Madison Avenue has many, many fond memories for me. I did lots of good work there, I made a ton of money there, best of all, I met Helayne Spivak there. So… Please, Sir Martin, forget my piss taking, forget the fact that I am still a WPP shareholder… Just do the right thing… Take care of Suzanne’s family in spades. Do the David thing. He will bless you for it. So will I. So will everyone in the world’s second most fucked up business. In fact, if you do this, I promise, I will desist from my “Poisoned Dwarf” rants forever. On the other hand… If you don’t!!!

Do the David thing!

Bad, bad, bad news at Y&R!

Holy shit… This just in… An elevator fell at 285 Madison.. That’s the home of Y&R. I’ve been in those fuckers many times! The New York Fire Department says three people were injured, one very severely, when the elevator fell at around 10 a.m., today. This is the building that WPP is selling because of their impending move uptown to Columbus Circle. And no, I won’t make bad jokes about lack of maintenance to reduce costs. Even I am not that much of a fucktard. If anyone has any more information, please let us know. Oh shit… This just in… One person is dead!

Ogilvy does christmas… Kinda!

Funny that I just posted about Hoboken East, then almost immediately get a carrier pigeon message from one of my spies over there that today is the big Christmas Love Fest Party. It starts at 4.30 PM… Which means you get a whole fucking hour off work! To keep costs down, it’ll be held on the premises, since the days of David's opulent bashes at MOMA for all employees and their loved ones are long gone. And, here’s the best bit, straight from the inter-office memo… The party will be ending at 8:30 PM. To accommodate everyone attending the party and to provide safe travel options, the shuttle bus schedule has been extended to run until 9:30 PM. See, I don’t make shit up about security guards and rapists and stuff. The place is so far over on the West side, it’s practically floating on a raft in the Hudson. But, it’s fucking cheap. And these days, that’s all that fucking counts. David must be spinning like a top under the Chateau turf.

And for New Year, we're providing at least three rickshaws to Times Square!