AdScam/The Horror!

Ogilvy begs its remaining employees… Like me… Like me… If you want to keep working here!

This just in from “Hoboken East” A memo from John “Don’t ask about the missus” Siefert, in an effort to whip up the old Esprit de Corps, amongst the remaining Corps, he wants them to lie through their teeth to AdAge in their annual “Best Place to Work” charade… Read it and fucking weep…

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I think Ogilvy is a great place to work.  I’ve stood up at every Town Hall sharing my mission to put in place the programs and practices to drive every individual’s career success at the agency. In addition to personal and professional development, there is a tangible culture that makes Ogilvy like no other agency. We think we have the stuff to be one of Advertising Age’s “Best Places to Work,” and this year will be participating in the survey for this recognition.  Your participation is vital to this process. Over the next several days, Advertising Age will be sending out an online survey to a randomly selected group of Ogilvy & Mather employees throughout North America.  The survey will come from Buck Consultants.  If you are one of the employees to get this survey, I urge you to take a few minutes to answer the survey questions. Thanks in advance for your participation.

What a pathetic fucking joke. The underlining is my erstwhile attempt at AdScam sarcasm. 

Wasn't me Guv... Must have been the wife!

 

do you really, really, like me?

Forgive me for going off on yet another FaceBook rant, but I was somewhat stunned to read Jim Edwards piece over at bNet about how brands are improving their fucktard “conversations” with consumers by buying “Likes.” Apart from the fact that nearly 70% of Likes are driven by wanky kids in the 13 – 24 age group, hardly the people in the market for a new brand of toilet scrubber… As Jim says… There’s a shitload of firms out there selling Facebook “Likes” en masse to advertisers, such as this one and this one and this one and this one and this one. So, you have to ask what is the fucking point? Unless, of course, you are some fucking “Social Marketing Specialist,” douchenozzle, who claims they can generate brand fanatics desperate to engage in “conversations” about your wonderful new product. What a load of old bollocks. Bubble anyone?

Like this kid... Or you're fucked!

Apple declares war on Germany!

Hey, didya see that story last week about how Apple is threatening to sue the shit out of a small, family owned café in in Bonn, Germany. No, not ‘cos they publish pictures of Hitler every Wednesday… But ‘cos their logo is a fucking apple. It doesn’t matter that it is nothing like the Apple logo… It’s a fucking apple. The Café’s logo is a red apple with a kids face and the name underneath, it's nothing like the Apple logo.   
But it’s a fucking apple, which is enough to make all ten thousand Apple Rottweiler lawyers, foam at the mouth. Rumors that these very same lawyers have a case pending in the US supreme court to make the state of Washington chop down all its apple trees and replace them with apricots (That’s what Silicon Valley was famous for before the TechTards moved in) may be exaggerated… Or not! Supreme Court Justice "Long Dong" Clarence Thomas is speechless… Still.

And it's not even Wednesday!

More proof that big dumb clients continue to scrape the bottom of the dumbness barrel!

Over the last few weeks we have been told over and over again that Steve Jobs was the ultimate marketer who completely changed the landscape of how people accessed information, music, entertainment and engaged in social interaction. That’s why, in my humble opinion, the second most important thing GodJobs ever said was “The consumer doesn’t know what they want, you have to decide that for yourself, then give it to them.” To the best of my knowledge, Apple never conducted a single focus group. That’s why I laughed ‘till I wet myself when I read that the “Washington Post creates Chief Experience Officer position.” Apparently, the holder of this office is tasked “to strengthen the voice of the consumer in our product development and execution.” Ah, yes indeed… No doubt this will be achieved via numerous focus groups, lots of fucktard facebook pages, and a ton of imbecilic Twitter feeds. Steve must be chuckling as he sits on his iCloud. Oh, and the most important thing he ever said was to his agency… I want Insanely Great Advertising! Read the memo from WashPo Publisher, Katherine Weymouth, in which she actually has the balls to quote Steve. Its one giant fucking contradiction. Even better, she points out that the holder of this new office is currently completing her Ph.D. in Political Science with a concentration in Quantitative Methods. Ouch, fucking ouch!!!

And they're all in focus groups!

back to the future with social media!

In the “You can’t make this shit up column,” news that four magazines covering social media -- with titles devoted to Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Google -- have launched this week from GSG World Media. The fucktard GSG - CEO, Larry Genkin, had tried this revolutionary idea before with print publication, Blogger & Podcaster, in 2007, but, surprise, surprise, it never gained traction as a print vehicle and he shut it down. Now, he’s convinced he’s on a winner with the social media magazine idea. “I had to pinch myself when I realized nobody else was doing this,” he said. Oh fucking yes, Larry. I wonder why? And yes, there will be digital editions, and he does have Office Depot involved in this breakthrough idea. The chain will  distribute copies to their customers via the in-store display featured below. I smell a fucking winner here!

Help yourself on the way out!

more words for wise adscammers!

Lots of good comments from my erudite AdScammers on the post I did about the douchenozzle who’s committed to doing all the words in the English language on fucking Twitter. As Curvin points out, I’m sure Tom knows all the words in both English and Latin. Although, I am surprised Tom didn’t know that a Tontine is an excuse for a serial killer to walk off with the goods after killing off, one by one, all the other members of the syndicate. I think Agatha Christie featured one in a splendid mystery. Anyway, my favorite new word is "Ideation." Sort of group thinking gang bang. Possibly a step up from a Jonathon “Idgy” Harries “Creative Rumble.” My second favorite is “Curation.” Which is a more refined version of crowdsourcing, and just as pathetic. Anyway, it sounds like the collective verb for junior clerics.

See... Big words are tough!

there’s a word for that!

It’s a well known fact to AdScammers that I consider Twitter to be the giant wank of all time, and the only reason I’m on there is to pimp my books. Yes, I am a fucking AdHo, but an honest one… Well fairly honest. OK, a bit honest. So, I came across this piece on Gawker titled… “One Man’s Quest to Tweet Every Word in the English Language.” Yeah, there’s a douchnozzle out there who has created a Twitter account, Everyword, set up to automatically tweet a single word every half an hour. The ultimate goal is to tweet every word in the English language. Obviously, the first question that comes to mind, is why? If that’s the kind of shit that turns you on, buy the fucking OED, there are 170,000 fucking words in there, including some not even Tom Messner knows. This is a guy with serious problems, and obviously, there’s not a lot going on in his life. But then again, isn’t that why Twitter was created?

Tweet that you little fucker!

adage scrapes bottom of barrel!

AdScamer, Woegilvy, points out in a comment yesterday that there have been on-going layoffs at Ogilvy. But, in truth, this is happening all over, particularly at Draft/FCB. A few people being shown the door every week doesn't get the attention of the so-called "Ad-Media.” Stuart Elliott and all the other wankers who should be digging out the truth of the current situation, prefer to go to expensive boiler-plate conferences in exotic locations and report shitasmic trivia about swag bags and what third rate entertainers are appearing for the pleasure of the BDA fucktards blowing their clients money. And, speaking of dumb fuck conferences… I keep getting emails tempting me to attend the one day, AdAge Media Evolved Conference. For a mere seven hundred fucking dollars! And apart from all the usual criminals, I get to listen for half an hour to the leader of the Looney Fascist Party… Glenn “Fucktard” Beck! Jesus, AdAge, who the fuck came up with that idea?

Actually, he's perfect for a room full of BDA fucktards!

"methinksdifferent" asks the ultimate question!

Personally, I find the comments from “methinksdifferent” either incredibly annoying or tremendously amusing… Most usually they offer a point of view that I tend to agree with. I think his writing ability, like my reading ability, is governed by how much is left in the bottle of cheer. Anyway… He’s just put up a beauty on my last post. Here it is.. i going to start a new ad agency that only does campaigns.... using kate.... if a client wants kate, they will know where to go... what's really cool about using kate as the main focus in the campaign is.... she looks great in a lot of "outfits" and "dresses"... "outfits" and "dresses" that will go in luggage assortments.... just look at kate as a real sexy bible... and change the story line to taste.... honestly, there are not many celebrities you do this with... the kate only ad agency would be a fucking gold mine... i'm looking for an CCO for my new ad agency called.... got kate? anyone here interested? Wow… GOT KATE… Why the fuck didn’t I think of that? That’s worth every penny of my ten grand a month payola from Goodby. I shall “homage” the shit out of it!

Actually, I've had Kate!

sorrell sobs for sympathy!

Once again the Poisoned Dwarf has to eat shit on his WPP forecasts. You may remember that back in June, I posted about his rosy forecasts for his evil empire whilst attending yet another World Fucking Economic Forum… This one in Jakarta - His travel expenses must make Kev “I always wear black” Roberts’s look like a trip to Disney Land – Now, he’s slashed his full-year growth forecast to 5%, after reporting organic revenue growth of 4.7% in the third quarter, which is lower than the other fucktard BDHC’s. Rivals Omnicom, and Le Frogs, Maurice Lévy's Publicis and Vincent Bolloré's Havas all recently delivered third-quarter updates, with each well ahead of WPP's performance. Obviously, this will require drastic action… Layoffs for the lower ranks, Sir? As Loyal AdScamer, “VS” reminded me in an email just this morning… A famous ad guy once said.. "If you have to reduce your company's payroll, don't fire your people until you have cut your compensation and the compensation of your big-shots." Obviously, the famous ad guy was David Ogilvy!

It's Friday... I need cheering up!