AdScam/The Horror!

shoot shit at the shack!

In today’s sporting news… NBC Sports is doing some wanky joint promotion to raise the profile for Versus's Tour de France coverage, which, as every American basketball fan knows, starts this weekend. "Tour de France All Access," will be sponsored by Radio Shack, which as every American baseball fan knows was Lance Armstrong’s team until he retired to devote himself full-time to his pursuit of the Nobel Prize in pharmacology. Viewers of the coverage can also win valuable prizes, such as blood transfusions, anti-fatigue “vitamins,” and cheap yellow plastic bracelets with the “shootstrong” logo on them. Send donations for Lance’s defense fund to … Me!

What was it cycling ace Vince Lombardi said before he died of an overdose?

More Myspace… Yeah, I lied!

Everyone knew Justin Timberlake was loosing it when he was boffing crazy lady Britney, but he finally straightened out his head when he realized that Scarlett was the love of his life. Well, for a week or so. Now, there is conclusive proof he has completely lost his fucking marbles… Apparently, “Justin Timberlake is to take a "major role" in the new direction of MySpace after he emerged as one of those behind a $35m deal for the ailing social network. The singer, who starred as Facebook investor Sean Parker in The Social Network, has taken a financial stake in the MoFo, Gangnozzle Network. Just this week, Parker said Myspace's fall from grace was down to it being a "junkheap of bad design", while Facebook blossomed with lots of new features. Man, you can say that again. They have one big fucking hole to dig themselves out of now.

Don't hate me Kate!

final myspace post… Honest… honest… Maybe!

Sorry, I couldn't help it, but yesterday’s Gawker post is a fucking classic… “MySpace sold for basically nothing as layoffs begin.” Even better is the fucking visual that came with it… See below… Other good bits… What's their plan to make MySpace profitable? Maybe turn it into a niche social-networking site for puppetry enthusiasts or something. Oh fucking yes. It finally went for $35 million, incontrovertible proof that fucktards exist, and one day will rule the world, or go into advertising.

Perfect, fucking perfect!

someone with shit for brains is about to buy myspace!

It would appear that the Wizened of Oz has found someone fucking dumb enough to buy MySpace. Specific Media will probably pay about $30 million, compared to the asking price of $100 million, well short of the $600 million the Dirty Digger paid a few short years ago. As I posted the other day, the staff is down to about 100, and most of those are probably doomed when the new owner takes over. Apparently the MySpace deal would give Specific Media access to data about MySpace users to be used for ad targeting. Oh fucking right, and I assume the ads would be for tattoos, gang clothing, weapons, drugs and other shit suitable for the remaining MySpace audience. 

I'm still on MySpace!

this is not horseshit… it’s something else!

In an effort to be known for more than rugby, sheep shagging and the adopted home of Kev “I wear black” Roberts, New Zealand has definitely raised the bar in the "I'll drink anything” school of ferocious boozers. Next time you are in the Land of the Long Cloud, take a trip to the Green Man Pub in Wellington, ‘cos, believe it or fucking not, they are serving up shots of apple-infused horse semen. And apparently, it is becoming the drink of choice for lady patrons!!! The pub chef who created this fucking delight said, "Ladies thought it was great, a couple were going to go home and get their husbands to eat grass." I assume that would be after they’ve dragged them off the sheep. Wonder if this will be on Kev’s blog soon? Meantime, over in Oz, hospital patients are getting fucked up drinking hand sanitizer. Well, at least it’s not kangaroo sperm.

Antipodean vitamins!

mathematical magic!

Did you read about the Museum of Mathematics, which is about to open in mid-town Manhattan? In an attempt to get New Yorkers to think about more than soy lattes and what’s new at Barney’s, it will feature all kinds of exiting shit about algebra and geometry. But the highlight will be the “Creative Bookkeeping” exhibit featuring the CFO’s of all the Big Dumb Holding Companies. Interpublic will show how to create massive performance bonuses out of fucking shit… WPP will demonstrate that by moving their UK headquarters off-shore, they avoid taxes, while picking up Knighthoods. Omnicom will be be represented by Cindy Crawford, ‘cos she represents every fucking client they’ve ever had. Publicis said they couldn’t attend, they were in New Zealand playing rugby!

My math homework!

the social short and curlies!

As the ultimate proof that social networking has jumped the dot com bubble, The NaturallyCurly Network, a social network for douchenozzles with wavy to curly hair, has raised $3.3 fucking million in funding. This shitasmic concept describes itself as a collection of sites that informs, empowers and unites a community of people brought together by a common interest - curly hair. Wow, thanks for the fucking explanation. OK, I can fucking top that. I am starting “TheTransgenderMidget Forum.” And I am willing to let angel investors in on this unique opportunity for a mere $100,000 a share. Think about it… It could be the next MySpace… Or even SecondLife!  

Dig it Rev Al!

myspace… the last dying gasp?

AdScammer Brian, from up-north, points out a release on TechCrunch disclosing that 150 people will be laid off at MySpace on Wednesday, and another 150 will be put on a “transition” plan. They get paid for a couple of weeks while they look around, then it’s fucking toast time. This will leave a grand total of ONE HUNDRED fucking employees! Wow, how the mighty have fallen. That $650 million the Wizened of Oz paid for it about five years ago, is also toast. No one is going to buy this turd now. Five years from today, I wonder what we’ll be saying about Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, blah, fucking blah.

Wendy has a new prescription!

adrants should not think of a career in video!

As his final fling after fucking around all week at Cannes, my old mate Steve Hall over at AdRants has a bunch of really wanky videos shot on behalf of Yahoo. Obviously, he was on a tight budget, or Yahoo supplied him with the world’s cheapest camera that doesn’t shoot more than 60 seconds of footage at one time. Sorry Steve, but most of the vids are a giant wank, lots of semi drunk douchenozzles from BDA’s staggering along the Croisette talking shit. To make things worse, there’s no tits and arse… Whaaa, AdRants sans T&A in fucking Cannes? Even my old mate Barbara Lippert in an effort to pack all her good stuff into 60 seconds sounds like she’s on speed. The dumbest video is… The one were idiots are asked which brands they would like to have sex with… A teenage fucktard picks Apple, ‘cos “It’s clean cut and you won’t get diseases!” And the two weird women at the end have to be Microsoft PR nozzles… No one fucking talks like that about fucking Microsoft. Not even Steve Balmer, And he’s crazy!

I have it on good authority, this was Steve's camera crew... That's why he spent more time on pre-pro than actually shooting!

Mao-nozzle would have been proud!

You have to love the Cannes-nozzle piece on today’s Creativity, “Underdogs Prevail at Cannes.” Demonstrating yet another pathetic attempt by AdAge to remain “Hip & Groovy” and relevant to whatever the fuck is going on in the ad biz. Which, is not to be confused with AdWeek’s on-going attempt to be the Vanity Fair of Madison Avenue. Anyway, back to the “Creativity” wankfest… Doesn’t anyone out there realize, it’s all about drumming up entry fees? Remember how a few years ago it was about getting thousands of dollars in entry fees from Brazil and South America? Now, it’s all about the next pot to plunder. JWT Shanghai took home a Grand Prix for “Heaven and Hell.” And guess what? All the ads were in English. Fuck me… What’s next, some newly discovered tribe living in the Amazon rain forest that comes up with a viral breakthrough campaign relying on chicken feathers! Hey… Congratulations, aboriginal Titanium guys… But remember, you have to wear a codpiece for the awards ceremony!

So, I asked for a banana leaf tent, and the fuckers put me in something called a "Four Seasons." The room service really sucks... You can't even get a shrunken head in the middle of the night!