AdScam/The Horror!

Does Michael Wolff lovemark kev’s arse?

I’ve seen some suck-up jobs in my time, but today’s AdWeek piece by Andrew McMains about Kevin Roberts takes the turd encrusted biscuit. 'C’mon Andy, what the fuck were you smoking when you wrote this piece of shit? We know he always wears black… Is that some kind of imprimatur that guarantees creativity… Or is it part of his never ending fucking fetish for anything associated with the New Zealand rugby team - They are known as the “All Blacks.” Nothing to do with skin color… Just the gear they wear… ‘Cos like the “Bruce's” they are all closet racists… Ouch, fucking ouch… Standing by for the tsunami of hate mail! But, I will give Andy one thumbs up for pointing out that before Kev conned his way into Saatchi, he’d never worked in an ad agency. This is what’s known as the Michael Roth syndrome. Anyway… LoveMark my nozzle.

He even wears black when he goes to the shitter!

Ride the wind… phew!

I sometimes have to wonder if the hacks who write for the ad/marketing trades live in some kind of parallel fucking universe? Today’s Marketing Daily has a limp dick piece on how amusement parks intend to increase their appeal to “thrill-seeking” families. According to the writer, “Industry analysts are predicting that the improving economy, growing consumer confidence and a steady decline in gas prices will put more motorists on the road. And the parks are banking on it with new attractions and accompanying promotions.” Excuse me, what fucking improving economy and consumer confidence would that be? As for gas, this mornings news puts Brent crude futures at $116 a fucking barrel. Perhaps the writer has had too many rides on “The WindSeeker,” a new attraction she writes about. Imagine if CP+B was tasked to promote it… I can see it now… “Be the first in your frat to friend the FartSeeker!” The possibilities for juvenile humor are endless. “Creativity” would never stop writing about it.

So... What's wrong with that?

 

Murdoch ho’s hulu!

In his continuing quest to turn everyone in the universe into a dumb fucktard, the Wizened of Oz is leaning on Hulu to run a ton more ads every time it runs a Fox TV show. Remember, the big attraction of Hulu compared to network TV is that it has far fewer fucking ads. So, if it allows Randy Rupert to run a shitload of ads, it turns into network fucking TV, thereby evolving into a festering pile of shit like MySpace. Don’t these fuckers ever learn. It didn’t work last time around, what makes you think it will work this time. That’s as crazy as the Poisoned Dwarf creating another Enfatico, totally dedicated to running a single account. Oh, wait a minute. He just did, it’s called “Team Mazda.” No doubt they are already knocking down the walls and blowing up the silos. Agency of the future, anyone?

Murdoch is a communist... Beck says so!

Larry ellison hates everything, particularly if it blocks his view!

Everyone knows Larry “The Shogun” Ellison, besides being the sixth richest guy in the entire fucking universe is also the world's biggest twat. And in his continuing quest to prove this, he has once again surpassed himself. It would seem that the view from one of his multi-million residences is being partially blocked by some fucktard who has the fucking nerve to have trees growing in his back yard. So, he’s suing him for billions. OK, the neighbor is another rich douchnozzle who lives down the San Francisco block in another mega million property. But hey guys, last time I was in Bagdad by the Bay, the homeless, along with their ferocious fucking Rottweiler's, outnumbered Larry’s yachts moored off the Embarcadero by about one fucking thousand to one. So, fuck the trees, help these people, they need booze, drugs, dog food. ‘C’mon, Larry, be a mensch. Flog one of your MIG’s or something. fuck the trees. You can always buy Canada.

This is Larry aged twelve. Before he made his first billion by fucking everyone who got in his way!

sportnozzles… listen up!

Three big sports events took place over the weekend. Barcelona kicked the shit out of Man United in the Champions league final. Barcelona celebrated by spraying everyone with champagne. The Monaco Grand Prix was won by a Kraut, Sebastian Vettel, who celebrated by spraying everyone with champagne. The Indianapolis 500 was won by an English guy who drove 10,000 times round a giant go-cart track and won in the last ten yards, ‘cos the guy in front of him slipped on some “marbles.” To celebrate, he then sprayed everyone with MILK… That’s right, fucking milk. What the fuck is that all about? What kind of sport covers the track with “marbles” then celebrates with a fucking fifty cent bottle of milk?

Got champagne... Douchenozzle!

the laptop of the future!

In case you’d forgotten, Back in 2010, Dell was claiming they made the world’s thinnest laptop, the Adamo XPS, at a mere 9.9mm. Unfortunately, agency of the future, Enfatico was too busy knocking down walls and blowing up silos to do any ads for it. Now there's news that once again, Dell has come up with the world’s thinnest laptop, the XPS-15, the Endgadget review doesn’t say how thin, only that it’s actually a few hairs thicker than a MacBook Pro. Personally, I don’t give a wank, I’ve got my iCray humming in the basement. Meantime, the Poisoned Dwarf will be working on his next agency of the future, just as soon as he’s figured out what the fuck to do with all the agencies of the past he shelled out all that fucking money for.

I piss on your laptop of the future!

shack shit!

Remember RadioShack? The place you used to go to when you needed flux for your soldering iron, or toggle clips for your noggle nips. Then it turned into a fucking cell phone outlet and all those wiry things and connectors got relegated to a fucking drawer under the display for flat screen TV’s. Plus, they came out with a fucking horrendous ad campaign about the fucking “Shack” or something… No Alex, not the “Shed” the fucking “Shack.” Anyway, they are going back to their roots and they want your help to… Make RadioShack suck less… Hey, that’s their fucking words, not mine. If you can stand it, watch the zombie like video of RadioShack, Brand Manager, Amy Shineman. Production hint… Next time, put the fucking tele-prompter next to the camera, not six feet away. Anyway, my hint to make you suck less… Dump Team RadioShack, ‘cos six months from now that giant boat anchor by the name of Lance Armstrong is going to fucking kill you.

Fuck Gatorade... I got Juice!

target goes tits up on PMH!

It seems like every day something happens that reinforces my iron fucking clad impression that the ad biz is well and truly fucked. This weeks news that Target has consolidated all its business in Wieden confirms it. This means shifting all the style and design focus campaign work from PMH in Minneapolis to W&K. OK, Wieden is a good agency, and it doesn’t belong to a scum sucking BDHC, but fuck me… PMH has done the best big box retail work of the last hundred fucking years. Stuff that made Target unique in an environment that has traditionally been a graveyard for creative work. So, the question is why… Why, fucking why? There is no logical answer… But then again, there rarely is!

Wieden... No, fucking no!

Irish my arse!

Rarely do I have the chance to correct Tom on his encyclopedic knowledge of literature, history, the New York DMV, and on-line poker. However, “Power Corrupts” did not come out of the mouth of a spud eating, Guinness swilling Paddy, it is attributed to one of my fellow English noblemen… John Emerich Edward Dalberg Acton, first Baron Acton (1834–1902). The historian and moralist, who was otherwise known as Lord Acton, expressed this opinion in a letter to Bishop Mandell Creighton in 1887:

"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men."

I am sure this is true in spades with reference to the ad biz. And before any Irish fucktard out there gets his/her knickers in a twist, my mother was Irish. She was also crazy and the world’s worst cook.

Can I have extra black pudding with that Mum?

 

AdWeek giggles its way to oblivion!

Yeah… So, you all know I think AdWeek is turning into a giant steaming turd since the “WolffMan” arrived on the scene. Take, for instance today’s featured article titled “Zooey Deschanel's New Lady Site Is Called Hello Giggles.” According to Ace AdWeek reporter, Emma Bazilian, it’s filled with fairly typical female-friendly blog fare, and everything hosted on the site will be lady-friendly, so visitors need not worry about finding the standard boys club content that makes many entertainment sites unappealing to so many of us. OK, OK… So what the hell does that have to do with advertising. Why the fuck don’t they just change the name of the publication to… Faux-Vanity-Fair and have done with it?

Thank God it's Kate Friday!