AdScam/The Horror!

Tom Messner wins the adscam comment of the week award… Again!

As usual, Tom Messner has come up with another splendid comment that puts the paucity of my original post to shame. Not that I mind, it’s yet another reflection on the quality of AdScam readers. I also love it when it generates fierce arguments between commenters… See “Methinksdifferent” and “Methinksdifferentisacunt.” At least, you’ll never be fucking bored. I love all you guys. Particularly after a few drinks. Anyway, read Tom’s comment. Very funny. Particularly when you consider he founded an agency that eventually ended up with the longest fucking name in the universe. When I free-lanced there… Before G.I.Joe and I were kicked out for bad behavior… I always felt sorry for the girls answering the phones in reception. It took them five minutes to say the agency name. No wonder they were all alcoholics.

I used to work at Tom's shop... Before the operation!

the adscam forecast of the week!

As I love to give AdScammers something to chew on over the weekend while enjoying their Boddingtons… Listen up… CP+B will very soon lose the Microsoft account. It could be days, a couple of weeks at the most. CP+B will, as usual claim they have resigned the account… Palpable bullshit. They will be fired, and rightly so. They have done a shitty job. Just as they are currently doing for BestBuy, which will soon follow Microsoft out the door. Looks like Alex jumped ship into "The Shed" just in time. Mr. MDC, Miles Nadal, must be really pissed that he paid all that money for an empty shell. Fart time!

MDC Global Headquarters... Send for "Shed Man!"

sensational news - interpublic losing less money than usual!

Big fucking deal news of the day is the announcement last night by Interpublic that it had narrowed first-quarter income loss 24% to $45 million from the same quarter last year. Michael “I know the insurance biz” Roth was wetting himself with excitement when he stated… "Our agencies are performing across the board, and we believe there's great opportunity to benefit from an increasingly fragmented media landscape. (What the fuck does that mean?) We also continue to demonstrate expense discipline (Code for mass layoffs) so as to stay on the path we had defined to significantly increase levels of profitability." This fucking greasy mob has been in the financial shit for nearly ten years, and the big news is about losing less than this time last year! Does anyone know what the total compensation for this fucktard has been since he’s been at the wheel of the Titanic?

Captain Roth says the icebergs are 24% smaller this year!

Kate gets married!

If you’ve been living under a fucking rock, you may have missed the fact that there’s a royal marriage taking place in London right now. Coverage started at one-o-fucking-clock in the morning here in Idaho. Didn’t stop my wife from getting up and wearing her big hat though. AdWeek will no doubt run a piece expressing shock and horror that the royal couple held the wedding too late to make the Friday editions of the National Inquirer, and too early to get fucking breakfast at the sole remaining Conde Nast canteen. Meantime, Loveeerrrrly Kate did a few lines to celebrate. She’s also called off her wedding to the aging rock star wanker. ‘Cos she knows he would be a poor substitute for the aging Ad Prince!

Peruvian Marching Powder... It does a body good!

 

Poisoned dwarf fucks WPP shareholders… Yet Again!

In the world of who the fuck would have thunk it… Sir Martin Sorrell awarded himself a mere seven million fucking dollar pay package last year. That’s a 70% increase on the previous year. Apparently profits for the WPP, evil empire rose by 28%. As usual, this was accomplished by putting multiple employees out on the street and sending their children to the poor house. Fuck, someone has to pay the monthly flower bill for the Gramercy Square love nest. Best bit is that… The bonus was decided by the WPP “remuneration committee.” And you just know that each and everyone of these fucktards was hand picked by the Poisoned Dwarf. Just think how much he would have made if he hadn’t pissed away billions on Enfatico.

Here's lookin' at ya... Suckers!

missing Modernista… a fucking tragedy!

If you ever needed definitive proof that the ad biz is well and truly fucked. The announcement that Modernista is closing its doors should do it. Larry Koepke and Lance Jenson produced some outstanding work in the ten years of their existence. From a one time staff of 150, the Boston shop currently has 10 staffers, and by tomorrow night all those poor fuckers will be on the street. When compared to giant, scum sucking shops like Draft/FCB, McCann, Grey, and other fucktard agencies, run by Neanderthals, and producers of work you would rather chop your dick off, than admit you were responsible… It is fucking tragic… It’s also a reflection on the cretinous clients who would rather deal with BDA churls. Fucking tragic.

Message to BDC's!

 

draft/fcb… chicago shit imminent!

In case you’d missed it, my Chicago deep throat, the "Rev Al' points out that next week will be a big, big, fucking one for Draft/FCB, Chicago… That’s when they pitch to hold on to the S.C. Johnson account… An account that is fifty fucking percent of the office’s revenue and profit. If they lose it… And we know they will, many, many layoffs will ensue. Obviously, none of the criminals running this corrupt empire will suffer. Just the poor fuckers who do the work. Word is, Mark Pacchini, who heads up the account globally, and has worked at Draft for thirty one fucking years (proof, he is a masochist) has been working out in Lo’s corner gym to get in shape for the event. Absolutely no word on who is heading up the “Creative Rumble.” Idgy Harries seems to be missing in action. As will be a prominent member of the Johnson family who is busy preparing his defense for his upcoming child molestation charge. Meanwhile, Michael Roth, is drawing up the details of his multi-million “Performance” bonus when the loss is announced. Ha, who the fuck needs a degree in advertising!

On the other hand, you could inherit your dad's shop!

Advertising… The world’s dumbest job!

Curvin points us in the direction of a piece in the Daily Beast – RoadRunner entitled “Most Useless Degrees.” It asks the question… After working away for four years and spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to get a college degree, which are the ones that are the least most likely to get a job? Coming in a close fourth after, Journalism, Horticulture, Agriculture… Was… That’s right, fucking Advertising. Not only does the money suck, there are increasingly fewer jobs. So, instead of signing up for that douchenozzle Portfolio school in Miami. Stick to that piano playing gig in the brothel.

Even if you get a job, you'll probably end up working for a wanker!

 

How much money does Jeff Bezos need?

If you’ve been living under the impression that Amazon discounts the books it sells on line… Think again. An Amazon.com pricing algorithm which lets sellers set prices based on other sellers' prices led to a positive feedback loop, causing the very fucking boring biology text The Making of A Fly to reach $23Million… Yes, TWENTY THREE FUCKING MILLION DOLLARS.  However, the price of the book was reset but has just gone back up to $976.98. I think I’ll set my upcoming Confessions of a Mad Man at a mere million.

Do you think she knows I have a boner?

AdAge scrapes the bottom of the barrel!

As further proof that the lunatics are now in charge of the asylum, look no further than the AdAge article… “Four Untapped Opportunities for Agencies.” This gem of useless information is written by none other than TORRENCE BOON… Remember him? That’s right, the guy who had the unique experience of being the CEO of ENFATICO… Yes the fucking agency of the future created by the Poisoned Dwarf to handle the Dell account globally. It opened offices all over the world, hired over 1000 workers, leased an entire building on Madison Avenue… The went out of business after two horrendous fucking years during which it never produced a single campaign for its single client. It did, however, produce one for itself, which talked about knocking down walls and blowing up silos… Yawn… Fucking Yawn. The reason it was the biggest fuck up in the history of advertising is explained in this video. Finally, why, oh fucking why, would anyone with half a brain listen to this douchenozzle’s advice to agencies. Un-Fucking-Believeable!!!

Reinventing the what???