AdScam/The Horror!

why is paul allen being such a wanker?

You know how I’m always going on about rich fucktards who never seem to have enough money for their yachts, jets, mansions and fucking bimbos… Well, the wanker news of the day is that Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft has just written a book (probably ghost written) in which he complains about how Bill Gates ripped him off a few billion when he stepped down from a management role in Microsoft. Well, maybe he did, but you were still left one of the richest guys on the face of the fucking planet, indulging in rock concerts, sports teams and the obligatory yachts etc. What the fuck is wrong with these people. Why can’t they be more like Steve “Woz” Wosniak? Who as far as I know, still gets on with GodJobs, and everyone knows he can be a royal pain in the arse. “Woz” is a guy who fucking enjoys his money. Doesn’t take himself too seriously and who actually went back to school for an education degree so he could teach science to high school kids… So… Mr. Allen, stop being a douchenozzle. Do something worthwhile with your money. Compared to 99% of the population you are incredibly blessed! 

What the fuck is not to like?

Interpublic set to smash performance barrier on three wheels, a broken windshield and a drunken driver!

Did you see Stuart Elliott’s arse licking piece about Interpublic “5 Years and 180 Degrees Later,” in yesterday’s New York Times? Talk about fucking gag-worthy. Read how Michael “I know the insurance biz” Roth reassured Wall Street wankers that… Interpublic was finally turning around after almost four years of struggling with serious financial and operational problems. Stuart… Four fucking years? You actually write later in the piece… Interpublic may have benefited from the timing of its problems, which began to emerge in mid-2002. They included accounting irregularities, restatements of financial results and an investigation by the Securities and Exchange Commission that ended with the payment of a civil penalty of $12 million. Mid-2002 is NINE fucking years, not four. Quote of the day… “Clearly, they’ve come a long way,” says Alexia Quadrani, who was at Bear Stearns then and is at criminal organization, J. P. Morgan now. Oh yes, fucking Bear Stearns. And where the fuck are they now? Not much street cred there, Ms. Quadrani. Well, after this puff piece, I am sure Interpublic shareholders can look forward to Michael Roth awarding himself another of his notorious “Performance” bonuses.

Is Interpublic ready to Ruuummble?

more fun on facebook!

If you think spending all your waking hours on Facebook collecting friends you don’t even know is for pathetic losers, you ain’t heard nothing yet… A new website called Cloud Girlfriend promises to help you create a fantasy girl for your Facebook account so you can fool all your fucktard acquaintances into thinking you have a girlfriend. Douchenozzles who sign up can "define the perfect girlfriend". Cloud Girlfriend will then "create" her. After that, you can "connect and interact with her publicly" on dumb arsed social networking sites, and "enjoy a public long distance relationship with your perfect girl." Meantime, back in your pathetic hovel, you can bang the shit out of your blow-up doll. Does this crap remind anyone of Second Life? No wonder IT World calls Cloud Girlfriend, "The saddest Facebook Startup of all", and even though it suggests that if fake girlfriends are merely computer generated accounts, it would violate Facebook's user agreement. Ha, do you think ZuckerNozzle is going to turn down the chance of another billion accounts – virtual or not?

Get 'em started young!

confessions of a madman… Shitasmic!

Already, with the earlier announcement of my next opus… Confessions of a Mad Man, some of you are asking for tasters and other juicy bits for your depraved titillation. Much better to wait 'til the book is published, that way I make some fucking money. I’ve been doing AdScam for nearly seven years, and never made a fucking penny (That’s a lie… I got $300 for running a tiny all-type ad for a year, and that was for a British mate.) But, seriously, I hate sites with ugly fucking ads for coffee mugs and tee shirts all over the place. Gets in the way of Kate and Hitler. Plus, I hate fucking advertising… Just kidding. I merely hate what has happened to it. Anyway, the book will be a pisser. It’ll be my experiences, warts and all… Yes, and lots of sex, drugs, rock & roll. From the sixties through to today. Drinking drugging and shagging all over the world at BDA’s and their BDC’s expense. Shit they wouldn’t dare show you on a poxy TV show. There will also be lots of other good stuff in there about how to con and chat your way around the fucktards and douchenozzles the business is increasingly populated with these days. Fucking great!

Every copy comes gift wrapped in this designer bag!!!

Myspace now has a valuation of 55 cents!

In the middle of a desperate race to dump MySpace before it has shrunk to the point were it finally disappears up its own arse, the Wizened of Oz must be really pissed at the news that in just one month, between January and February 2011, it has lost over ten million users, according to comScore. Hopes of flogging it to some dipshit for a fraction of the $600 million he paid for it just five years ago, are disappearing down the sinkhole of fucktard investments. Never forget, in SocialNozzle time, five years can be an eternity… Be interesting to see where Facebook and Twitter will be in 2016. The Dirty Digger will be 85. The picture in his attic will be a couple of thousand, and Wendy’s horse tranquilizer tab will be out of fucking sight!

It's really very simple...

Murdoch is Hitler... And, it's Wednesday!

Fuck TV’s Mad Men… Wait for the real sex, drugs and rock & roll confessions of a true mad man!!!

Well, well, well… Seems like a lot of people have had their knickers in a twist recently about the prospect that Mad Men might not come back for the next season. Apparently, Michael Weiner, the guy who created it after reading Jerry Dela Famina’s ghost written classic, “From Those Wonderful Folks Who Gave You Pearl Harbor,” has been asking for a renewal of his $30 million two year deal. Unfortunately, AMC, told him to fuck off… ‘Cos even though every douchenozzle in the ad biz thinks it’s the greatest thing since Ben Hur… It’s never pulled more that 3 million viewers… Less than Animal Planet’s blockbuster series, “Gerbils I have had carnal knowledge of.” FLASH… News just in, AMC has coughed up the dough for a fifth series featuring the red head with the big tits… But, do yourselves a favor… Wait for the soon to be published… Confessions of a Mad Man… Yes, my next opus, with more sex, drugs and rock & roll than twenty years of a fucking retarded TV series… Stay tuned for more.

The only thing I get my kniickers in a twist for is the original "Mad Man!"

Is AdRants trying to outdo AdScam in the tits & arse division?

My good mate, Steve Hall, of AdRants fame… Who still owes me for a completely fucked up boozy dinner in San Francisco a couple of years ago… Has a great piece, Calvin Klein F-Bombs Billboard, which as you would expect consists of mongo tits & arse action… Which, I found so offensive, and upsetting to my delicate sensibilities… I was driven to write this comment…  How dare you sir... Must you continue to besmirch this great and caring industry which has done so much for women? I am told that there is a site by the name of "AdScam" that would never stoop to the use of the word FUCK, and refrains from the use of naked ladies bodies... Unless it is Kate Moss. Which is allowable as he claims to have regular carnal knowledge of her. I shall report your conduct to Alex "I have a shed" Bogusky and the Dalai Llama, who will no doubt produce a book titled.... "The Ten Inch Tits." Thank God there are millionaires prepared to do the right thing for this fine and virtuous business... Disgusted of Boise. Ha… That should put Steve back on the the path of holy righteousness… With an ample sufficiency of tits & arse!

OK... Yeahh... But have you seen Kates bum?

 

AdWeek’s scoop of the century!

Lucia Moses of AdWeek - Yes, that’s the lady who will go down in history for writing the world’s most tasteless obit for Elizabeth Taylor – Has done it again. In a breathtaking scoop that will ensure her a place in the Ad Rag Hall of Shame, she discloses today that Conde Nast is closing one of its fucking cafeterias. Employees will now have to eat out at local nosheries. You have to admit that since Mr Wolff has been in charge AdWeek is leading the pack in delivering all the essential advertising industry news you need to know. Next, an update on the lavatories at the Daily News. What a fucking travesty this piece of shit is becoming.

Stay tuned to AdWeek for lunch pail menus! 

super bowl silliness!

I have to admit, I’m a bit mystified by a piece in today’s AdAge talking about how Century 21 is going back into TV in a big way, including buying a 2012 Super Bowl spot. Why the fuck would you commit to an air date that’s ten fucking months away? Particularly when it’s going to cost you more than three fucking million dollars? What happens if the economy tanks and NBC has to cut prices to clear inventory… More importantly, the housing industry is fucked… Big Time. There’s so much unsold inventory out there, mortgages are harder to get, and interest rates will probably rise. The worst job in the world right now would be being a fucking realtor. No, hold that… It would be being the New Business Director at Y&R.

We can put you in your very own “Alex” shed!

AdWeek continues to slough in the trough!

A brief update on Ad Week's appalling article on the “unfortunate” demise of Liz Taylor for the celebrity weeklies… Firstly, it’s still on the AdWeek site, the comments now number 32, and every fucking one is negative. Still no response or apology from the magazine for this scum sucking piece of so-called journalism. Compare it to the Jeff Goodby tribute on AdAge I wrote about on Saturday. Some people have class, unfortunately, some others are wankers.

AdWeek calls an editorial meeting!