AdScam/The Horror!

For whom the Dell tolls!

Loyal AdScammer, Ivan “The Count,” has sent me the latest scoop from the New York Daily Post, concerning all the naughty goings on in Austin, Texas. You can read the salacious details with the picture below. All I can say is that as far as I know, this had nothing to do with the implosion of Enfatico, and the Poisoned Dwarf could not be reached for a comment, as he is currently blogging from Davos, along with all the other poor fuckers who are down to their last few billions. It’s tough at the top. Wankers!

Check out the sign to the right of her head!!!

 

Is it over for Twitter before it starts?

As you all know, I am a bona fide, registered Twitter hater. Well, let me correct that. I don’t hate it, I just think it’s a big wank! So I was fucking cheered to be pointed by AdScammer Kevin H, at an article in computerworld titled, “Twitter now has 75M users; most asleep at the mouse.” It points out that the number of Twittertards has climbed to 75 million, but the growth rate of new users is slowing and a lot of current Twitternozzles are inactive, to the point were they never use the fucking thing. Apparently, the rate of new user growth peaked in July at 7.8 million a month. That has now dropped to 6.2 million new users a month, according to a study from RJMetrics Inc., The past six months has also seen a steady falloff in the number of new accounts. Which means in social networking terms, it’s fucking over and the circus has left town. So there goes the fifty billion dollar valuation when they do their IPO. That’s if they ever figure out how to make fucking money with this turd.

On Twitter you can say Douchenozzle and still have 128 characters left!

 

How to write a creative brief… A guide for cretins!

Don’t ask me how I arrived there, but I just stumbled across a site titled “Colectivo Planner,” which has a slide show from JWT that is a how-to guide for planners when writing a creative brief… It consists of 66 fucking Power Point slides! And it shows there are currently 64 known creative brief formats within the entire JWT organization. Various lame-brain points for fucktards include…

A creative brief is first and foremost for the creative people working on that brief!

The brief is not developed separate from the creative department.

It’s all about the brand. Fuck selling stuff. Think brand (OK, I made that one up.)

But you get my drift here. With Lots and lots of mind numbing charts that only an MBA could love, this is fucking melt down time. No wonder not much gets done, and what little does, invariably sucks!

Our dad is a planner at JWT. Today is his birthday!

 

Hitler responds to the iPad!!!

Having read a million fucking blogs and shit about what the GodPad will and will not do, AdScammer Paul Benjou has sent me the latest Hitlerrantsparody. Fucking brilliant. When Hitler is told that amongst other things the iPad doesn’t support multitasking, only runs one app at a time, and is on the fucking AT&T network, he freaks… Well who the fuck wouldn’t. He even says… “It sounds like a fucking tampon!” Ha, then ends it with… “I may as well wait for the HP Slate now.” Fucking brilliant.

Hitler fucks over Captain Jobs!

 

Kate does a Dorian Grey!

Seems like everyone in England got their knickers in a twist when Kate showed up for some do to celebrate the launch of her Longchamps bag line with grey streaks in her hair. Don’t know what all the fuss was about, she still looks fucking tasty to me. As the Daily Mail puts it… Aging supermodel Kate Moss (Remember: Supermodel years are like dogs years. She's 36 to us, but in Model that's 98) dared to go grey, but offset it with the shortest skirt known to man. She ditched the look 24 hours later, but the intervening awesomeness begs the question: Is Kate forever young, elegantly old, or so damn trendy it doesn't matter? All I can say is that after all the shit she’s thrown down her pie hole and sniffed up her schnozzle over the years, she looks remarkable. And she isn’t wasting her time at Davos, either!

Not bad for an old dog!

 

Davos Dick Heads discuss shit!

All the usual suspects are once again gathered in Davos. What the fuck for is anyone’s guess… Oh yeah, solving all the world’s troubles while guzzling vintage champagne in one of the most expensive places on the face of the earth. 2500 Attendees include, Evan Williams, founder of Twitter, James Cameron, punting Avatar and Eric Schmidt of Google, but no sign of perennial hanger-on, The Poisoned Dwarf. Maybe the Midget Kingdom can’t afford it this year… Bonuses to make, you know? So what are all these wankers up to… Discussing Haiti, the global economic melt down and social fucking networking? No, apparently the thing that’s got them most worked up is the cancelation of the FREE wine tasting that’s always been the highlight of the Swiss wank-fest. And speaking of wank-fests… I’m still waiting for my invitation to the AAAA shindig. Waddaya think the chances are of that happening?

Fuck Davos... It's Friday!

 

Must See TV!!!

As you know, unlike way too many ad blogs, I rarely show ads. Only if they are of great creative merit, Like the Eagle Insurance spot, yesterday. But AdScammer Mike, just sent me a spot for… Well, watch it and find out… Un-fucking-believable!!! Nice one Mike.

I think it's disgusting!

 

Poisoned Dwarf to enter retirement home?

Jim Edwards over at bNet has what I assume to be a “tongue in cheek” piece about Sir Martin Sorrell’s likely successor. Personally, I don’t think the diminished one is going anywhere for a while. His $96 million “performance” bonus will need a few more years to mature with the present fucked up state of the ad biz. Jim talks about likely heirs to the throne, putting Ogilvy CEO, and exceptional fucktard, Miles Young at the top of his list. Which, if it happened, would be the final and complete proof that Madison Avenue is well and truly fucked. Since taking over Ogilvy, Miles’s track record shitasmically sucks. The only thing of note, has been has been the office move to Hoboken East. With the exception of UPS, the new business record is appalling, and my spies inside the organization tell me everyone thinks Miles is a wanker… Which, of course, makes him ideal for the job. No, as and when it happens, and it won’t be for a long time, my money is on Bob Jeffrey, who has done a great job at JWT, and is definitely not a wanker. As usual, you heard it here first… ‘Cos I am a fucking prince!

Welcome to Ogilvy. Would you like extra cheese?

 

The godpad hits the street!

So, I stood in line for three fucking days and nights in rain, snow and tornados, just to be the first on the block with my very own GodPad… And guess what, after I’ve shelled out the big bucks, it’s just a fucking big iPhone. And it won’t fit in my pocket. No, I’m just taking the piss, I wouldn’t stand in line for a shitasmic Apple product, GodJobs is richer than Croesus… But fuck when he presented yesterday, he looked really, really thin. Take a break Steve, you can’t take it with you. Anyway, mixed reaction on the GodPad, the usual suspects fucking loved it, but then they’d love an iTurd if Steve was shilling it. But the general press don’t seem to be getting very worked up about it. It definitely isn’t going to be another iPhone, even though that’s basically what it is, but as I said, it won’t fit in your pocket. But the Apple freaks will want to walk around flashing it for all to see. Douchenozzles. Oh yeah, and one question no one seems to have answered… How long does the fucking battery last when you're thrashing through all those movies, games and apps? As far as I could make out, no one answered that important question. 

You should be good for about thirty minutes now!

 

Budweiser's Brazilian Beer bullshit!

See the bit in AdAge about Budweiser’s plans for the Super Bowl? First off, they’re turning the Clydesdales into Alpo… And a word to all the fucktard commenter's claiming they are an American tradition… They’re not, they’re fucking Scottish. That's why they're called CLYDESDALES, you pillocks. Secondly, no Bud Light ads… Not that I give a shit, it’s the world’s worst beer… Actually, it’s not even beer, it’s colored water made from RICE! Even the Japanese don’t make beer from RICE, they use it to make sake… Much better idea. Anyway, AdAge thinks this might be the beginning of the end for DDB, Chicago, who milked this fucking account for years. Well, now the Brazilians own A-B, they don’t need a fucking agency, they can get some of those Rio wankers that create fake ads for award shows to “crowdsource” their shit. Much cheaper and it couldn’t be as bad as most of the DDB crap!

Now that's Brazilian beer!!!