AdScam/The Horror!

myspace becomes myfucked… happy new year!

Late Hogmonay news that over half the current staff of the Wizened of Of Oz’s uber investment fuck up are about to be uber fucking laid off. Which could mean that over 600 poor fuckers can soon look forward to trudging the streets while wearing signs saying… “Will work for shite if it keeps me employed funding Wendy’s horse tranquilizer habit.” Or, something like that. This is so fucking sad. I truly feel sorry for these people… Meanwhile, the Dirty Digger goes off and does whatever his next rapacious folly requires… ‘Cos he’s rich… Fucking evil… And will probably live ‘till he’s 200… So, Howdya like them apples. Wendy???

'Cos it's New Year's Eve... It's Friday... And I am a fucking Prince!!!

 

It’s that day of the year… let’s get pissed!

Just in case you hadn’t realized it, today isn’t just Kate Day, it’s also New Years Eve. The time when every Scot I’ve ever known begins a quest to drink as much fucking booze as possible before passing out. And what the fuck is wrong with that? In honor of the occasion I am re-running “The Man Who Walked Around the World.” Best fucking ad of the year. BBH, London, uses Robert Carlisle in a 6’30” spot that makes shit like the Old Spice campaign look like… Shit. Once in a while, an agency produces something that makes you think the business isn’t entirely populated by fucktards and douchenozzles. But it is only once in a while. Happy Hogmanay!!!

I'm pissed... And I can't get up!

 

adweek dumps on the dirty digger–but don’t call adweek–we’re sorry, that number is no longer in service!

A couple of weeks ago, AdWeek had a very enlightening run down on the fucking zillions the Wizard of Oz has pissed away on Internet ventures that have either failed, or been sold at a loss. As I have posted in the past, MySpace is the biggest, but his pay for content venture in the UK for his print vehicles, is rapidly catching up. Anyway, more importantly, over at AdWeek, not a fucking word on the shakeup currently taking place with the dismissal of some of their best editorial talent. Seems like the new “Emperor of AdWeek,” who is rumored to be pulling down over a million big ones, is also spending fucking zillions changing all the phone numbers... What the fuck is that shit all about?

Before joining Wendy in bed, Digger removes his mask!

 

omnicom serfs get social… well, after their “technical education program!”

My mate Edward, points me in the direction of a funny piece in the Financial Times. An interview with John Wren, the FuehrerNozzle of BDHC, Omnicom, in which he demonstrates an appalling lack of understanding about what is happening to the ad biz. An ignorance matched only by Michael Roth, FueherFucktard of BDHC, Interpublic. Wren seems to think that social media is another kind of TV, but not to worry… He is planning to introduce a “technical education program” for all of Omnicom’s 63,000 employees to teach them the ways of Google, Facebook and other online media. Hopefully, Wren will be one of the first employees to sign up for a fucking “technical education program.” BBDO and GS+P staffers are besides themselves with excitement at the prospect of learning how to use those new fangled “Apps” that let you fertilize your donkey on Farmville. What’s next: Downloading ABBA’s greatest hits?

And while they're at it... Omnicom is introducing a new "social" dress code!

 

killer business plan… kill celebs!

Every now and again, I love to take a “troll break” from the serious content I devote myself to in my non-stop endeavors to bring you all the ad biz news fit to take the piss out of… That’s when I get my arse over to Gawker to enjoy shit like this classic… “Death Hoax Swarm Kills Adam Sandler, Owen Wilson, Charlie Sheen!” Apparently some wanker with a fake news Web site, posts fake news reports of celebrity deaths… Who all get killed fucking snowboarding! Then, he sells a shitload of ads on his site and cleans up… What the fuck is wrong with that picture? Why didn’t I think of that? I could fake kill off all the douchenozzles in the ad biz… God knows, there’s enough of them to keep me going for years. But I promise I would never do it to Kate or Adolf!

Me in disguise checking out the slopes for dead celebs!

 

Ve have vays to make you stop singing!

Just to prove that I am truly a man of the world, and to keep “The Cartoonist” happy… This just in… Deutsche Welle reports: 'Up until this year, preschools could teach and produce any kind of song they wanted. But now they have to pay for a license if they want children to sing certain songs. Can you fucking believe that? Apparently, this tightening of copyright rules means kindergartens now have to pay fees to Germany's music licensing agency, GEMA, to use songs that they reproduce and perform. The organization has begun notifying crèches and other daycare facilities that if they reproduce music to be sung or performed, they must pay for a license. Rumor has it, the money goes into the “Steve Jobs Benevolent Fund!”

You have to make der kinder pay!

 

New York “Heavy” agrees with Boise “lightweight!”

Just got a private email, from a famous ad guy, and old mate of mine, who must, perforce, remain anonymous, saying… “Your recent post on our business' gullibility to gurus who state the obvious reminded me of a visit many years ago to a large and prosperous soda company. They had engaged one of the more famous advertising research firms to do a comprehensive study of the effectiveness of their advertising, who came to an assembly of dozens of agency and client types to talk about a new addition to their commercial-testing methodology. The MBA types took copious notes as the researchers revealed that this new category of measurement was designed to measure the "entertainment value" of commercials.  It seems that they had meticulously studied the data and found that "commercials people enjoyed watching tended to be watched more and for longer periods of time than commercials people did not enjoy watching." This was all said with the gravest seriousness. Ha, Ha, in fucking deed! How many AdScammer’s have sat through the same bloviated scenario??? Further proof that nothing ever fucking changes. Thanks to famous, un-named ad guy… Free copy of my next book to anyone who can identify him!!!

I canna hold it Capt'n... It's already gon tae Warp factor twelve!!! The Dilithium crystals are beyond the capabilities of the normal tollerance level of a studio bsmsign dylithium crataly... HMMM... SORRY... GOT A BIT CARRIED AWAY THERE... Anyway, it's over,,, There is no end,,, But, maybe there can be a resoluton on AdScam before everything is flushed away down the rancid tubes of your favorite blog!!! Hey... But maybe not the fuck... EhE? (For Canadian fans.)

 GOT A BIZS 

Hurd’s Hurtful penmanship returns to bite ex-HP wanker in the arse!

Ha… Anyone else pick up on the news that ex HP CEO, Mark Hurd, has his lawyers in full Armageddon mode to keep out of the public domain, a letter he wrote to Jodie Fisher, his ex porn star “Special Adviser’ who sued the shit out of him for his suggestion that her contract didn’t just include trade show activities, but also personal “knobbing” rights for the “Happily Married Family Guy!” Ha… Wanna bet he’ll settle this shit “out of court” for a few more million out of his golden parachute. Fuck, between this wanker and “Queen Carly” I want to work for these fuckers and get fired… Gravy time.

Hurd is a turd... I am a fucking Queen!

 

Draft/FCB… The shit that hits the fan… continues to hit the fan… meanwhile, chicago transmogrifies into shitcago!

This just in from my Chicago, Draft/FCB ‘deep throat,” spies… Apparently, a continuing series of secret and under publicized layoffs have been undertaken from October when Modesto was escorted from the premises… That being the final brick in the wall for the S. C. Johnson debacle which is now going to monumentally, and permanently, fuck up the “Agency of the Future.” Back in October, more than 100 employees were escorted by security guards into a conference room and summarily dismissed… Then immediately escorted off the premises before they could vandalize their cubes and steal their computers. As my informant puts it so well… You have to wonder what it will be like when S.C. Johnson inevitably leaves the agency. Huey, Dewey and Louie will probably just detonate a bomb in the building while they’re lounging on the beach in Rio. Ha… Fucking Ha… Fucking tragic… But so true!!! Oh… I’m also told that anyone caught logging on to AdScam is immediately made to report to the “corner gym” to have their accouterments dentally removed without the benefit of an anesthetic… Ouch, fucking Ouch!!!

Leave your nuts in the box in the corner!

 

san francisco panhandler community stunned by goodby silverstein video!

In it’s long and somewhat checkered history, Bagdad on the Bay has seen many exhibitions and events that have pushed the envelope in terms of socially acceptable behavior… But today, even the most hardened panhandlers hanging out on Market Street with their “Tourist Attack Rottweiler's” are shocked by the flagrant behavior of veteran ad guys, Jeff Goodby and Rich Silverstein in their notorious homage to the legendary Sonny & Cher. As one digital hobo, sporting a sign reading “Will do Farmville apps for food,” put it… These fuckers are too old for this shit. Hal must be spinning in his grave. As for Gossage, when channeled, he replied… “People don’t watch bad ad agency video’s… They watch bad videos… Unfortunately, in this case, it’s a really fucking bad GS+P video!” Couldn’t have put it better myself.

Didn't you fuckers listen to a single word I said?