AdScam/The Horror!

der new obergruppenfuerernozzle!

The New York Times announces that the Volkswagen Group has appointed Wolfgang Dürheimer as head of its Bentley and Bugatti divisions. He will replace Franz-Josef Paefgen as chairman and chief executive of Bentley, and president and chief executive of Bugatti. OK, I understand that the krauts have their hands on the uber panzer/auto/U-boat wheels of the fucking universe, and everyone involved should have names that came straight out of Mein Kampf… But, isn’t Bentley a Brit marque… Driven by Bond before he drove a pussy Aston Martin (Shades of Howard “The Gorilla” Draft) And a Bugatti was something Mussolini used to schtupp Clara Petacci in before they both got hung from Lake Como lamp posts at the end of WWII. (AdScam… The only Ad Blog that gives you esoteric historical references besides the usual ad shit!) So, why not give the job to someone completely unqualified? I’m available!

Wolfgang Durheimer... What the fuck is wrong with this guys head???

 

draft/fcb–Interpublic… dans le merde!

If there’s one thing that gets AdScamers going more than a naked picture of Kate, it’s a post about Draft/FCB. There have been lots of really shitty agencies through the years, but Draft, and it’s fucktard management, really take the biscuit when it comes to the thousands of people who would like to see them get their just deserts. Good points made about E79 doing the work and DDB just making sure it gets delivered in Bagdad on time. I’m sure Dennis Ryan (disclosure: I’ve worked with him in the past, as has my son Chris) would welcome the chance to work on it… Yeah, it’s a shitty account, but it would consolidate his position. Never forget, there was talk he would move on when the shit hit the fan two years ago. Then it was touted that he would move over to DDB as ECD when “He who shall be nameless” topped himself after Super Spy and yours truly were accused of driving him to do it!!! Anyway, in these days, it would be a huge chunk of change, and a fucking body blow to Draft/FCB. When it happens, Michael Roth will be on the blower to Paris in a fucking minute!

What do you do if you've only got 12!

 

The sc johnson “Pledge.” Draft/fcb… You’re fucked!

My post yesterday about the Frogs sniffing around the putrefied corpse of Interpublic, certainly stirred up the AdScamerati… So, how about this tidbit… I’ve heard from more than one source in the “Windy City” that SC Johnson is rapidly losing patience with “Agency of the Future,” Draft/FCB, and believe it or not, has been seen sneaking in the back door entrance of Element 79! Wouldn’t that be a turn up for the fucking book? Particularly when just two years ago, everyone expected the place to close down after it lost Gatorade and Quaker Oats. Yeah, I know that SCJ is one of the original Big Dumb Clients, but even BDC’s finally come to the realization that their current BDA is run by a bunch of fucking clowns (Hughie, Dewey & Louie,) Who in turn report to an uber-clown (The Insurance Guy.) It always happens, ‘cos nothing lasts forever, particularly in the ad biz!

They will however, leave one product with Draft/FCB!

 

where in the world is Sam Ismail?

Sticking with Jim over at bNet, he has a post describing a rather bizarre situation over in Europe. Apparently, StrawberryFrog has published a 17-page dossier on a possible future employee titled “Sam Ismail will never work in advertising again if I have anything to say about it.” StrawberryFrog planning head, Heather LeFavre, put together the dossier after Ismail failed to show up for a job at the agencies Amsterdam office. It’s all a bit weird, particularly the reasons given for the no-show… Full disclosure here… I know Sam, I’ve got fucking drunk with him in London… He’s a nice guy. I was going to speak at a conference he was pulling together, then the economy shit hit the fan and it was cancelled. I assume through no fault of Sam’s. Heather contacted me for my opinion of Sam. As I pointed out, I had no bad experiences with him. But what the fuck do I know. The ad biz is full of crazy fuckers. I’ve proved that over the years. Anyway, I wish Sam well, and hope he’s OK.

Crazy... Who are you calling fucking crazy?

 

Large frog to swallow Interpublic?

When it comes to “Following the Money,” No one does it better than Jim Edwards over at bNet. He has a corker about the possible acquisition of Interpublic by Publicis. Apart from pissing off the Poisoned Dwarf by creating a Big Dumb Holding Company equal in size to WPP, you just know that Michael Roth is going to walk with more fucking money than God. The juiciest bit is this… Anyone seeking to acquire IPG would have to sort out what the fuck to do with $100 million in liabilities that have been sitting on IPG’s books from a 2004 accounting scandal, which the company has yet to settle with its clients! In Q3 2010 IPG reported $96.4 million still on its books from the infamous “2004 restatement,” when the agency was forced by the SEC to admit it had been booking volume discount credits from media vendors as revenue when in fact the credits belonged to clients whose money had earned them. What a fucking joke the ad biz is turning into!

Le homme fou!

 

Bloomberg talks shit about the ad biz!

There’s an article in Bloomberg Businessweek titled “Don Draper’s Revenge” all about how the holding companies will survive, in spite of being all fucked up. The author writes about the Ogilvy panel at Advertising Week, which is a bit fucking tardy as it took place ages ago. He also, continuously refers to “Big Dumb Agencies.” I should patent that line and start collecting fucking royalties every time someone uses it! As he says… “Isn't it amusing, one critic asks, that Big Dumb Agency managers, while enjoying "working dinners" at the swank Japanese restaurant Nobu, brainstorm how to sell cornflakes to single moms in Mississippi?” Yeah, and we know who asked that. Maybe I should get a gig working for Bloomberg. The writer wanker also has a severe hard on for Dave Lubars, who he interviewed while Dave caressed his “electric guitar, tuned to imitate Keith Richards' ringing sound.” Fucking douchenozzle… Wonder if he’s got a shed to keep it in?

Here lies all the "Agencies of the Future!"

 

So… Ya wanna be a mad man!!!

As you well know, most ad schools are a giant fucking scam, persuading poor fuckers to spend a fortune on the tiny possibility that they might get a job in the world’s dumbest, rapidly shrinking industry… Now my mate Edward points me in the direction of what is truly an uber-scam. The University of Georgia is offering The UGA Cannes Lions Advertising Festival Study Abroad Program. For a mere $5,000 plus a couple of extra grand for tuition, you get to spend two weeks in Cannes during the festival. You have to pay your airline etc… But, Students are given the equivalent of US$20 per day, Monday-Friday, to cover the cost of meals. Students pay for their own meals on weekends. Wow, twenty fucking dollars a day in Cannes… That'll buy a shitload of fois gras. Just don’t eat on weekends. So, these poor schmucks spend ten fucking grand to listen to wankers like the Poisoned Dwarf talk shit. But, they probably get a nice diploma at the end of it. I wonder why Rick Boyko didn’t think of this?

Mad Man - Guru - Crusader - Shed Owner!!! I can make it happen... Send me your money.

 

calling major Tom!

Tom has a very amusing comment on my last post about Old Spice Guy and TMIMITW. Here’s my reply… Tom… You watch Fox at 3AM??? Are you going to bed at 3AM, or getting up at 3AM? Either way, I hope you have a large pitcher of Martinis handy. As for Boise, there have been reports of mass suicides today, as the BSU  "Broncos" lost their first game of the season last night in Reno (Mafiosi fix?) So now their hopes of a bowl are out the window. Personally, I don’t see what the fuss is all about. You can buy bowls in Wal-Mart for less than a dollar. Anyway, with a team player university graduation level of 30%, fuck em! They’ll all be selling used cars this time next year.

Boise is on the left under the third cloud!

 

old spice meets the most interesting man in the world… The rest of the story!

Did you see the picture on a handful of ad blogs featuring “The Most Interesting Man in the World” demeaning himself by giving the Old Spice “Guy on a Horse” a half hearted hug? What nobody picked up on is that if you check out the background, you realize that the Old Spice guy is in a beauty salon waiting to have his chest waxed. Senor Dos Equis was passing by and spied him through the window. Leaving his coterie of young chicks in the waiting limo, he popped in and offered to rip the hairs out with his teeth. Old spice squealed, but declined, rather than upset Ramon, his personal waxer. TMIMITW, Smiled in Serbo-Croat, drank a bottle of cologne, greyed his beard (as I do, in order to disguise my youthful looks) jumped back in the limo with the waiting girls, and departed for his meeting with the Dalai Llama. Eat your heart out, Alex!

My horse is a Triple Crown Winner!!!

 

defenestration–the movie!

For all you ignorant fuckers out there, defenestration is the art of throwing things through windows. You know, it’s what you want to do with the MBA/suits/planners/wankers that have the fucking audacity to question the absolute wondrousness of your work. So, even though you can’t actually do it (well, not more than once,) check out this video… Over seven minutes of people – cars – bikes – dogs – horses – zombies – aliens – and of course… Steven Segal, going through millions of windows. Fucking brilliant! Don’t say I don’t bring you the arty stuff!

Draft/FCB on a Friday!