AdScam/The Horror!

adage shills shitasmic conferences... Again!

So, I just got yet another boring fucking email from AdAge telling me this is my last chance to sign up for the AdAge Small Agency Conference to be held in New Orleans next month… Between hurricanes and fucking giant oils spills, I can think of better pubs I’d rather be in at that time of the year drinking Boddingtons and smoking fags. But, if you are tempted to splash out thousands of dollars to listen to a bunch of fucktards talk shit… Be there!!! Oh, and one of the experts on small agencies is… Tor Myhren, CDNozzle of fucking Grey, which last time I looked didn’t qualify as a “small agency.” Unless you are talking about the quality of the creative output. Ha, see you in New Orleans for BP blackened shrimp!

The AdAge Conference is straight ahead!!!

 

does MDC still want to give you a million?

If you’re thinking of entering the MDC “I want to be a millionaire” contest you should take note that Vitro, the San Diego shop they own just lost the $70 million IHOP account after two years. It’s gone back to McCann where it was originally. As the work in general for IHOP is shit, irrespective of who does it… It must be about the money. You know McCann has sold its soul (what would that be?) and done a fucking deal. But then again, who doesn’t these days. I actually ate at an IHOP once. The food was fucking indescribable, huge portions, but fucking awful… Oh, and why the “International” where the fuck does that come from?

What kind of people eat that shit?

 

Cannes crap continues!

What the fuck is going on at Cannes… I mean apart from the Brazilian Tattoo Parlor ads in English that never ran… Don’t we have enough categories and awards to sink a fucking already sinking ship… i.e. the ad biz? A recent piece in contagious… “New Categories at Cannes” spells out that we can now look forward to a “Grand Prix for Good!” Whatever the fuck that is. As I have already posted, we shall forget advertising and henceforth describe the annual, South of France, June FuckFest as the Cannes Effectiveness Awards. For Christ's sake, between Titanium, Black and Grand Prix awards, what the fuck ever happened to Gold, Silver and Bronze… Yeah, I know… How fucking déclassé!

The fucking French are nearly as bad as the fucking Germans!!!

 

adscam the agency!

My mate Edward points me in the direction of another New York Times piece of bullshit coming out of the Cannes FuckFest… Apparently MDC Partners, Yeah, the holding company that owns CP+B and Kirshenbaum, is pumping something called “Who Wants a Million Dollars to Start an Agency.” All you have to do is convince these guys you have a business plan guaranteed to create the next “Agency of the Fucking Future,” and they will give you a million dollars to get on with it. Oh, and the Canadian douchenozzles keep 51% of the new shop. Which means that even before you get of the ground, you are already owned by a fucking conglomerate. So, one day, you too can be a BDA. In the meantime you’ll have to settle for being an LDA… A Little Dumb Agency!!!  

Did they say Dollars... Or Loons?

 

say goodbye to football for four years!

As usual, all the media wankers are going on and on about how the world cup pulled in big TV ratings… But now the US is out (Don’t mention England… Fucking Germans!) obviously, no one will watch it, ‘cos the matches don’t have goals every two minutes… And we know that Yanks want BIG scores. That’s why basketball is a BIG game Played by very fucking BIG players who rack up BIG humongous scores, even though they usually only win by one point on the final buzzer. That’s why MLS is a flop, apart from the teams being shit, the scores aren’t in the fucking hundreds. Anyway, as the majority of teams are owned by the world’s most evil billionaire… Phil Anschutz, the born again, religious fascist. I hope he loses a billion fucking dollars on it. Which would still leave him with about fifty billion fucking dollars… Wanker!

How Phil carries his small change around!

 

no "juvenile" shit on adscam!

Because flattery will get you everywhere, I am posting, in it’s entirety, a comment from “Evan” on my last McDonald’s post… Actually, I’m also doing it because he says some very pertinent things, particularly about the quality of the comments made by many regular AdScammers… Kudos to one and all… Here it is… George! Is that LUCY there with Ronald? Thought she looked familiar! "Juvenile reportage?" Our entire business is built on juvenility! I fervently follow your little blog and immensely enjoy the contributions from L.D./Messner/Curvin... and many others, (whose specific resumes I'm not privy to). What I enjoy is the depth of experience I daily read in your space, the shared wisdom is wide and rich! To decry AdAge for being juvenile though is but and acknowledgement (and indictment) of what modern-day agency HR-ery has wrought? Which is an idolatry of all things youthful and hypothetical, while eschewing all things practical? STYLE V. SUBSTANCE! It's like that scene from "THE RIGHT STUFF" in it Yeager roguishly pushes his NF-104 beyond it's capacity! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-I5zY-4ZtkY My favorite line is from Levon Helm: "Sir.. over there, Is that a man? You're damn right it is?" Amidst the mensches (myself included) you do have some deep contributors here, folks who've actually "BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT." In a weird way, it's a much better resource than what that gloss (Adweek/AdAge) has become! Those folks are (by comparison) indeed POSEURS and SHILLS! "Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing." --- Luke 23:34...Again… Thanks to all loyal AdScammers.

I also win awards!

 

Ronald mcdonald does poseur drinks!

Excuse me if I’m missing something here, but there is a piece on AdAge today talking about how McDonald’s is making a move to encroach on the Uber-Drink category owned by Starbucks, Dunkin Wankers, and others. Apparently, the battle is all about lattes, smoothies and FrappoNozzles. Ho, fucking ho, I mean, ‘c’mon guys, fess up, if you are eating a pre-frozen, chemically enhanced two ounce, tasteless cow patty, surely you would want to wash that down with a couple of shots of anti-freeze? And one other thing… Can AdAge please declare a fucking moratorium on their juvenile reporters using the word HOLISTIC in every fucking sentence… Before I come over there and take you out behind the wood shed? Cue Larry Ellison!

So that's why he has that shit-eating grin on his face!

 

apple wet dreams!

Apparently Apple has sold 1.7 million iPhones in three days, which makes it the most successful launch in the history of the evil empire – Oh, sorry, that’s Microsoft. Anyway, as usual, the stock is down at the open on Wall Street! Which goes to show how fucked up the stock market is. But then again, it is just a fucking casino. You know a place that’s rigged against the punters and the only people making money are the owners. ‘Cos they make money whether shit goes up or down. A bit like the ad racket. Oh, just checked, Apple is up. GodJobs must applied some analyst pressure.

Must have gear for Kev's family!

 

adage kisses arse!

Today’s AdAge has a piece titled Cannes Grows Up… Which is the usual turd polishing exercise, talking about how from next year it will no longer be an “Advertising” festival, it will be an “Effectiveness” festival… How fucking dumb is that? It's like the “Oscars” will no longer be for motion pictures, but for cinema seat filling, and every film will feature fucking vampires. Best bit was this… Major holding-company executives such as Martin Sorrell, Maurice Levy and Michael Roth engaging in a vibrant dialogue with blue-chip clients like Johnson & Johnson and Procter & Gamble. Oh fucking yes, I’ll bet that was truly fucking vibrant! I’d rather be out boozing on the Croisette! Further proof AdAge is losing its already pathetic grip.

Send a bottle, with my compliments, to the AdAge table!

 

fucking germany!!!

OK, I just sat through ninety minutes of bullshit from the Brits… What the fuck is wrong with these guys? Why can’t they beat a bunch of Kraut teenagers? Where was Rooney when you need a few good head butts? The Queen is definitely pissed, while the nation is sick as parrots. I am going to get fucked up. I’m sure my mate Ralf… “The Cartoonist,” in London, is probably legless by now. But if he’s smart he’ll be hiding in his fucking bunker, and next time he goes out, he’d better take the Panzer!

Germany returns home to a special welcome!