AdScam/The Horror!

Cathy disses zuckernozzle!

My old mate, Cathy Taylor, has a great put down of ace fucktard, Mark Zuckernozzle over at bNet, titled… If FaceBook Wants to Get to Heaven, It Needs to Get Down to Earth First. As she points out, at last weeks FaceBook’s, F8 developer conference, this uber-wanker actually had the balls, or stupidity, or a fucking combination of both to say… “When you go to heaven, all of your friends are there and everything is just the way you want it to be. So, together, let’s make a world that’s that good.” Meanwhile, he continues to believe that he can ride roughshod over the privacy concerns of the entire universe. But, not to worry, a few of our “incorruptible” senators are checking into this thing. Something der nozzle can no doubt take care of with a few well directed campaign contributions!  I love fucking democracy… Is the tea ready yet?

Zuch Zuchs!!!

 

"cos it's Kate day!!!

Just found this on a Brit site… Read it… Then on to Kate!

 

That's funny... Give us a kiss!

 

"Man in black" talks shit... Again!

The current edition of Kevin Robert’s appalling blog continues his life-long mission to bore the shit out of his fucking readers by going on and on about all the five star hotels and first class airlines he gets to fly in at Saatchi shareholders expense. The current edition also allows him to go on and on about his favorite passion, fucking rugby. He actually has the fucking nerve to write about the countdown beginning for the 2011 Rugby World Cup in New Zealand. (And no, he’s not a fucking Kiwi – He’s a Brit) Claiming that’s it’s one of the two greatest team sports in the world… Conveniently forgetting the real fucking world cup that takes place this fucking year, not next. I wonder what Saatchi pays the douchenozzle to allow him to write this shit?

Mr Lovemarks in drag!!!

 

Death by Power Point!

Many of you will have seen the piece in the New York Times on Tuesday about the use of Power Point in our continuing “War on Terror.” As we have all sat through many long and very boring presentations by fucktard MBA’s as they proceed to put clients to sleep, making the obvious incomprehensible, you can appreciate Edward Tufte’s proposition that Power Point is the worst thing that has ever happened to the logical display of information. And yet, even though everyone takes the piss out of it, it continues to permeate the business world. Just like the jargon they continue to abuse the English language with. As someone says in the NYT article about news media sessions explaining the war in Iraq…  Those types of PowerPoint presentations are known as “hypnotizing chickens.” About time someone “choked the chicken!”

Relax, there's only another 100 slides!

 

Draft/fcb creates "Census of the Future!"

My spies have forwarded me a recent internal email to the troops at “Agency of the Future,” Draft/FCB (I’m losing fucking track here… How big is the future and how many agencies will it take to fill it?) It would seem that Hughie, Dewey & Louie are tooting their horns about their awesome work on the US Census account… It reads… Exciting news, the 2010 Census is poised to meet and most likely exceed the mail-back response rate for the 2000 Census. It’s looking like we will be six-seven percentage points above the Census Bureau’s original goal – saving the government hundreds of millions of dollars in the process. Well, too bad that’s not exactly true, As the New York Times states… As of mid April, the mail participation rate was 68 percent. The mail participation rate, which the bureau is using this year for the first time, is the percentage of forms mailed back by households that received them. Unlike the mail response rate, which the census used in earlier counts, it excludes forms returned by the postal service as undeliverable, often because a house was vacant. The mail response rate was 67 percent in 2000. If the undeliverable forms had been excluded then, the mail participation rate would have been 72 percent. Final rates for this year’s count will not be posted until early May, so it is unclear how effective this year’s unprecedented publicity and marketing campaigns will have been. I’m standing by for the “Celebration Video’ complete with Howard reading from his teleprompter, backed by really fucking bad seventies disco music.

Report to my corner gym and I'll fill in your form!

 

Enfatico fuck up... Part two!!!

Deep throats within the WPP/Y&R/Enfatico cluster fuck inform me that the new structure, or whatever they are currently calling it, is as expected, turning into a fucking disaster. The remains of Enfatico share a floor at 285 Madison with Wunderman’s Dell account team. And the big surprise was when David Shulman, former Chief Digital Douchenozzle of Enfatico, was named president of Wunderman. Regardless of the fact that Shulman was a huge part of the Enfatico/Dell fuck up, he has no solid relationships with any of Dell's marketing team.  When the appointment was announced, everyone at both the client and the agency scratched their heads, asking: "Who the fuck is this guy?" As the account transitioned from Enfatico to Wunderman, he was nowhere to be found in the hand off.  As far as Y&R and their relationship with Dell is concerned, Time to check out the effect uber-creative-god, Tony Granger is having.  After 4 months of trying to resuscitate a dead tagline, Dell finally rolled over his Tony-ness to kill it and are left with absolutely NOTHING.  Seen any consumer work from Dell lately?  I didn't think so.  They're still running that god awful lollipop spot from Mother circa 2008 while Y&R flounders to come up with a "big idea."  Meantime, the Enfatico paste-up factory is ordering extra packs of Exacto blades and pots of paste. What a fuck up!

I don't give a fuck... I'm richer than you'll ever be!!!

 

Hey enfatico... you're dead... for fucks sake, lie down... part one!

There’s a really pathetic interview with Erin Nelson, CMO of Dell in this weeks AdWeek. Apart from all the usual bullshit about facing challenges and accepting that Apple customers have great taste and demand superior design, wheras Dell customers shop at Wal-Mart… The best bit is where she describes “The Enfatico Experience.” In essence she says that Enfatico still exists… And provides a valuable service as the production arm of WPP! Ha, fucking ha… All those people… All that money… All that shit about building the Agency of the Future… And they end up as a paste up studio. The Poisoned Dwarf should be fucking ashamed of himself. It’s going to take a lot of mechanicals to put together that $96 million bonus package. Stay tuned for part two.

Why did I make this big fucker eat the Clown Dog...  'Cos I could!

 

Hewlett-Packard scarfs up Palm for loose change!

As further proof that HP has well and truly recovered from the drastic leadership of Carly Fiorina comes news today that they have bought Palm for one billion dollars in FUCKING CASH. When Carly was flying around the world in private jets giving dumb assed speeches while the company was floundering, they didn’t have a hundred fucking cents in the bank. As part of her great decision making, one of the first things she did was cancel the $200K a year they spent on sponsoring one of the biggest events in women's cycling, ‘cos she said they couldn’t afford it. She then turned right around and spent $16 fucking million sponsoring the Williams Formula 1 team… But the again, she got to sit drinking vintage champagne while watching the Monte Carlo Grand Prix. And this is the woman currently campaigning for a senate seat on a platform of fiscal responsibility… What a Fucktardesse, douchenozzlesse!!! 

She also got a two year service contract for her laptop... Worth $75!!!

 

The jeff bezos - GodJobs cage fight!!!

I know all you fucktard AppleFreaks are out there buying iPads by the fistful so you can rub your greasy Whopper stained fingers all over the screen as you download the limited number of comic books available… Well, the news that Target is about to start selling the Kindle this month should come as a wake up call. ‘cos the monster of on-line goodies is determined to make a fight of this eBook bullshit. Oh, and Amazon just bought Touchco, a company specializing in touch-screen technology. Don’t forget, “Ginning-Bezos” is building a fucking rocket launching station in the middle of Bum-Fuck, Arizona, or somewhere for a few of his billions. In spite of his loony face, this guy does not fuck around. On the other hand, neither does GodJobs… This should be fucking interesting.

Do you think she knows I have a hard on?

 

Julie gets social!

My mate , AdScammer William, points me in the direction of “Marketer of the Future,” Julies Roehm’s intense efforts at social networking via Twitter and FaceBook… Here’s a couple… 8:32am Posted a tweet on Twitter.Doing client work from AR this week, waiting to hear on an RFP, and working on next AOL blog re Chevy dropping Campbell Ewald after 90 yrs! 8:22am Updated status on Facebook.Julie Working from Arkansas this week. Have responded to a HUGE RFP and signed two new clients! Whoopee… Backslash Meta has never been so busy. That must be why she averages a tweet every two weeks. Don’t know about FaceBook, ‘cos I refuse to fucking sign in. I don’t want Zuckernozzle to know all my intimate shit. No way he’s going to get Kate’s cell phone number!

George... For fucks sake... Call me!