AdScam/The Horror!

James Rice is a fucking prince!!!

My old Boise mate, James Rice, who now is Creative Director of some grandiose place in Seattle, or Portland, or somewhere less Nazified than Boise, just sent me his video interpretation of my last post… On xtranormal… Or on YouTube… Both are great. I love the robot voice, he sounds as fucking pissed and bored as I am most of the time with all the shit going on in what used to be a great fucking business, but which is now, unfortunately run by douchenozzle, scum sucking, arse kissing wankers… Do I make myself clear here??? Check out the videos… Fucking great. Nice one James!!!

James... Everyone in Boise misses you!!!

 

AdAge continues to re-arrange the deckchairs as the stern disappears beneath the waves!

I check various ad biz sites every day, particularly AdAge and AdWeek. AdAge used to be the number one visit, firstly ‘cos of ace reporter Rupal, who is still there, but primarily ‘cos when Jonah Bloom was editor of the fucking boring old Craine family vehicle for the distribution of Bob Garfield’s insane opinions on advertising, it was actually transmogrifying into something worth reading. Now he’s gone… No doubt for dumpster loads of cash (lucky fucker) to something creamy and dreamy. So it has slithered back into a boring piece of shit with very little worth reading (Rupal excluded) In the meantime, AdWeek keeps getting better and better… Plus it has the orgasmic Barbara Lippert weekly column which makes Bob Garfield look like the non-orgasmic douchenozzle everyone knows he is!!! Ha, Boddingtons time!

It it OK if I play with myself while you interview me?

 

What the fuck happened to my Shelley Diamond post?

For some fucking reason, my post on Shelley over at Y&R has disappeared. Is it me, is it my new computer… Is it fucking Microsoft and fucking Windows Seven doing the usual with my head? Sorry to AdScamers ROB and others who commented on the post, then had their words appear on another post. Can’t even remember what the fuck I wrote now… Need a drink… Anyway, I agree Shelley is great and I hope this isn’t anything that will hurt her. But as I pointed out, Xerox fucking loves her, and it’s always been a great cash cow for Y&R… No thanks to Creative Emperor of the Known Universe, Tony Granger…  As I wrote when he first acme on board two years ago… He finally showed up to start earning his millions, and is working on "Re-Inventing the shop!" Oh, fucking please... That's a new one. As he puts it, "We are going to be 'anti-usualists. ' We can't rely on formulas of the past. We want to do things differently on a daily basis." Well, what can I say? I'm fucking speechless here, this is so revolutionary. Good luck Shelley… Get off Dell, it’s fucking doomed.

Welcome to the Enfatico broom closet!

 

WPP is revolting!

Several commenter's over at Agency Spy are wondering why there hasn’t been a WPP shareholder revolt after the Enfatico debacle. As The Founder over at Tribble points out, it cost WPP FOUR FUCKING BILLION DOLLARS… Will the shareholder revolt? Here’s what I posted on Agency Spy… Good comments on the need for a shareholder revolt... BUT it will never happen, the Poisoned Dwarf has the board stuffed with people he owns, and WPP shareholders are mostly pussies, who are either bankers or stock brokers... And we know how fucking smart those douchenozzles are. Never forget, these are the people that signed off on Sorrell’s potential NINETY SIX FUCKING MILLION DOLLAR “Performance” bonus. WPP fucktards deserve everything that happens to them.

The WPP Board will come to order!

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The continuing conspiracy to drive me fucking crazy!

Some loyal AdScammers may have noticed the hint of paranoia that has been creeping into my posts over the last few weeks… No, it’s not the lethal combination of years and booze that have contributed to this sad state (If you don’t believe me, ask Bill Hamilton!) It is all down to my fucking PC… The desktop version… Which now seems to crash ever thirty fucking seconds. I got a brand new one from AmEx with a gazillion Award points which they are now billing me $857 dollars for from fucking Wall-Mart… Yes, when you need a super-duper-Cray-Destroy the Fucking Universe Computer… They are going to get it from fucking Wall-Mart… Obviously, this is some kind of Vulcan-Time-Warp fuck the Earthlings brains and turn them into some kind of slobbering Julie Roehm douchenozzle… Anyway, enough bullshit, I am now going to fire up my new Wall-Mart Cray and attempt to transfer all my achingly valuable files to it… If you don’t hear from me for a few hundred years… Blame Wall-Mart… Better yet, blame Julie!

Just in case you never hear from me again... Remember this for me!!!

 

Ken Segall regains sanity!

My old mate, Ken Segall just emailed me… Yes, the Ken Segall of “Enfatico” fame who managed to spend two years in a coma while acting as Global CD of the “Agency of the Future.” I’m sure the fact that two years of effort ending in the production of one small campaign that ran in Bangladesh, was not Kens fault. When you create a monster like Enfatico which is the world’s worst conceived idea… The buck stops with the instigator, meaning it landed three feet above floor level on the Poisoned Dwarfs play desk. Anyway, word is, Ken walked with enough change to gag a numbered Swiss bank account.. Ha fucking good for you Ken. Moving on, Ken, and another Apple wanker, designer Michael Rylander, have launched a new "thingey." It’s called Scoopertino.com, and it hits the blogosphere today. It’s an homage (rip-off) of The Onion, but designed for the Apple crowd. As Ken puts it… The idea is to have a bit of fun with all things Apple, from the technology and culture to Steve Jobs himself. There's a lot to love about Apple, but as you well know — there's also a lot to laugh about. In other words Apple Freaks love to be told that basically, they are fucktard wankers. And yes, I like it (Yes, and I’m not getting any lousy fucking kick backs either.) Even though it does lack the Fuck... Shit... Wanker content that makes AdScam so well loved. Needs to get a bit edgier, like “The Fake Diary of Steve Jobs,” but so far, so good. Particularly liked the fake ads... The Apple Freaks out there will buy this shit, as long as it’s got either an Apple logo or a picture of GodJobs on it. Maybe that's the plan... 'Cos how you make money blogging is the biggest mystery on the face of the earth since crowdsourcing... Ask Victors and Spoils. Another “agency of the Future!”

I bought myself a new head at the Apple Store!

 

would you like to super-size that MBA?

You know the world is entering dangerous fucking waters when today's financial news contains this gem… “McDonald's opens Hamburger University in Shanghai.” Apparently, Shanghai's Hamburger U. aspires to be a leader in higher learning for ambitious Chinese managers. Or, in the words of the school's dean, Susanna Li, "We will do our best to be the Harvard for our industry." Yes in fucking deed… The Harvard of fast food!!! This from a country that has some of the most fantastic food on the face of the planet. The ultimate irony… The “University” will have a statue of Ronald McDonald out front.

Sweet & Sour!!!

 

Nontraditional marketing and a free oil change while you’re in the shop sir?

Just in case you give a toss, a bunch of five fucktards who were the magnificent global Buzz Marketing team at Yahoo!, claiming to have “helped pioneer the nontraditional marketing space since 1999,” are now leaving Yahoo! in March and forming something called “Manifold.” An unfortunate choice of name when possibly confused with “Deep Throat.” Anyway, I don't know them personally, but am always deeply suspicious of anyone who as part of their initial press release can string together a sentence with so much embedded bullshit as this...

Manifold enables (What... What... For fucks sake, what???) to meet their business objectives by exploring new technologies, emerging trends, passionate audiences and relevant timing to develop unique non-traditional marketing programs, with a fixation on flawless execution. Manifold delivers remarkable ideas and activates the appropriate medium to give those ideas life, using a combination of various marketing disciplines. These disciplines can include experiential, event, interactive, social, influencer, word-of-mouth, guerilla, international.

Well, that's about it then. I suppose when you have finally knocked down all the walls and blown up all the silos, the only thing left to do is create the next fucking shitasmic, never been waffled about "Agency of the future." God this is boring!!!

And if the oil change doesn't do it... How about a couple of blow jobs?

  couple of

British binge drinking… So what else is new?

My mate Piers of psfk fame, or notoriety, points me in the direction of a great site showing great fucking British boozers of the past. Right now in the UK, there seems to be a certain level of anxiety, ‘cos young brits are getting arseholed regularly, particularly when many pubs are running “All you can drink for ten quid” session aimed at teeny drunks. Looking at the mug shots, I have a feeling I’ve worked with a few in the past. Who the fuck needs “crowdsourcing” when you can enjoy unlimited “boozesourcing?” Always remember, if it a bit of no-good, we Brits probably started it. And don’t forget to Join Piers at the psfk fest on the 9th of April. I’ve heard a rumor that it includes an “all you can drink while doing the most Tweets” bar. Tell Piers I sent you!

Is that Alex Bogusky in an earlier life?

 

The Rosie and Ty saga… Update!

Rupal Parekh, AdAge’s best reporter, has a follow up story to the announcement last week that the big time duo was pulling stumps at JWT, and starting their own shop. Nothing earth shattering in it, as Ty and Rosie were keeping well fucking schtum on their plans. The one thing I did find amusing though, was the bit about them perhaps becoming part of MDC Partners… Which you all know owns both Kirshenbaum and CP+B and with the recent promotion of Alex to MDC’s “Chief Creative Insurgent” I can’t see Ty taking shit from the Golden One. Anyway, the main thing is they are keeping themselves out of the slimy clutches of the Poisoned Dwarf. Whatever happens, they’ll be under the gun from day one. Maybe they can get a deal on space by making an offer to Sorrell for that ten year lease he signed for the Enfatico Global Headquarters.

Essential equipment for starting an agency today!