AdScam/The Horror!

Fox News flunks geography test… Again!

Remember back in August when Fox News did a piece on the Middle East and showed a map of the region with Egypt about four hundred miles East of where it actually is? Well, it would appear that the retards at Fox… Ooops, sorry Sarah, think of that as a piece of “Rushbo” satire! Have done it again. Yesterday, the Bruce's and Sheila's living in Sydney may have been alarmed to discover that a Fox News tsunami warning relocated their fine city about a thousand miles north of where it actually is. At least, this time, the “fair and Balanced” network got the country right!

Down a bit, down a bit... Right a bit... Loverrrllly!

 

GodJobs watches the pennies!

Steve Jobs has recently told shareholders not to complain about Apple’s $40bn and growing cash mountain as he could decide to do something interesting with it at any time. Such as buying himself a Captain Nemo Island somewhere, or building a high security prison to hold anyone leaking confidential Apple information for the rest of their miserable fucking life! Shareholders usually get antsy when companies cash piles grow too large, and start demanding execs do something to return the value to... them. Share repurchases, special dividends and the like are favored ways to do this. But this is Steve OK? And Steve does whatever the fuck he wants when it comes to Apple… It’s his fucking money right? This is the guy that invented the iPod, the iPhone, even the fucking iMac, and the soon to be drooled over iPad. So shut your fucking pie-holes, remember who you’re talking to!

It's mine, all fucking mine!

 

Ogilvy goes for Turkish delight!

One of my most reliable deep throats at Ogilvy informs me that when you're the new leader of a struggling BDA, deep in the shit in a down economy, what’s the first thing you should do to steer the Exxon Ogilvy away from the rocks of irrelevancy? Well, it would seem that Miles Young, the new CEO of Ogilvy & Mather, has decided it’s going to take organizing his first international fuck-fest in Istanbul. Hundreds of mostly account people and other assorted suits are being flown there for a three-day wankathon. Many speeches will be made about knocking down walls and blowing up silos. Power Point presentations will demonstrate how they are about to become this week’s “Agency of the Future.” The topic of bonuses and raises for the employees who actually bring in the money that pays for this bullshit will never come up.

Suits only!

 

Tiger goes tits up on Gatorade!

News today of another nail in Tiger Woods sponsorship coffin. Seems like Gatorade has decided to end it’s relationship with the world’s number one cocksman. This is the third biggie (AT&T and Accenture being the others) that has decided Tigers predilection for hookers, cocktail waitresses and anything else that has tits and breathes isn’t good for their brand image. Rumors that Gatorade is waiting for OJ’s release early next century to strike a deal, cannot be substantiated.

Hey Tger... Wanna nail this one?

 

Michael Roth… Clown Extraordinaire!

For years, I have been convinced that advertising, and the BDA’s associated with it, have to be the world’s dumbest businesses. Today’s news of the abysmal results posted by Interpublic only reinforce my point of view. Profit dropped by thirty seven fucking percent! But in the words of ace douchenozzle, ex-insurance salesman, Chairman and Chief Executive Michael Roth… "Looking forward, economic conditions appear to have stabilized, clients are beginning to re-focus on their brands and the tone of the business is one of cautious optimism.” What fucking planet does this guy live on? Interpublic is fucked. They have now dropped down to number four in the holding company Hall of Shame. McCann is bleeding through the eyes, whilst “Agency of the Future” Draft/FCB is turning into a fucking charade. But no doubt, IPG shareholders, who must be dumber than a fucking two by four, will soon be signing off on another of Michael’s infamous “performance bonuses.” Like I said… The world’s dumbest fucking business!

I think we need a bigger trough!

 

Bullshit translated!

Remember my post the other day talking about how everyone and their fucking uncle is a “Social Media Guru.” Well, I just came across an amusing site called eSarcasm – Geek humor gone wild – That has an entry, “eSarcasm’s Tech Lingo Translation Guide,” that has lots of good shit on it. Here are a couple of tasters…

Social Media Expert: An unemployed and unskilled ass-hat. Usually seen on Twitter discussing his or her “social media expertise.”

Bing: A verb that’s never been utilized outside of marketing; believed to mean “to use a subpar search engine.”

Tweeple: Collective noun used to describe anyone dumb enough to follow a social media expert on Twitter.

Bandwidth: The size of a lady’s breasts (e.g. “Holy shit, did you see how much bandwidth she was packing?”)

It even has pictures!

 

Alex taking French lessons and opening Swiss bank account?

With the news yesterday that MDC’s organic revenue grew 1.4 percent in the fourth quarter, which is way better than any of the big four fucktard holding companies, you can expect the rumors about a possible sale to grow even stronger. Front runner at the moment is Havas who would love to poke a shitty stick in the eye of fellow frog company, Publicis. If it happens, apart from Alex Bogusky adopting a new title, “Le Roi du Douche,” and pulling in a mountain of fucking money, you can also expect them to move company headquarters from Toronto to Montreal, ‘cos they not only speak French, but the food is way better. Maybe Alex can pen a gastronomic diet book in between travelling the globe “Interrupting” or whatever it is he does these days.

You shouldn't talk about your new boss like that!

 

Tweet - Tweet... Anyone there?

Once in a while I check out Twitter to see what the Tweetard’s are up to. You know… “just had coffee with Jason. He had a latte, I had a mochanozzle.” Like who the fuck cares. Anyway, it seems that a hefty percentage of the messages on there recently (sorry, fucking tweets) are about being phished and how it seems to be pissing a lot of people off. I know it did for me… One week, phished three times. Who the fuck needs that? And don’t give me that shit about all you have to do is change your password and settings… Why the fuck should I, so I can hear about some fucktards preference for rye over wheat? Besides which, it cuts into my drinking time.

Welcome to Twitter!

 

White Knights ride to Lauren’s recue!

As a follow up to my previous post about the lady from Rapp WORLDWIDE in fucking Dallas, several douchenozzles have leapt to her defense in the comments section of the article. One from some guy named Richard Todd Aguayo at “razorsharp creative ” takes me to task for a spelling mistake. Checking out his Web site reveals some of the blandest work this side of Draft/FCB. Others accuse me of drinking while posting (Me, fucking drinking!) Either way. It’s obvious that the lady is clueless and I am amazed that AdAge would print this. Where the fuck is Jonah Bloom when you need him?

Way to go, Lauren!!!

 

AdAge fucktardess says, if creatives are fucking idiots, talk to them like they are fucking idiots!

Some bimbo over at AdAge thinks that when it comes time to talk to the creatives about the creative brief… “Pretend you’re talking to a kindergartner!” Lauren Warner, who luxuriates under the title of.. “Senior Copywriter at Rapp Worldwide in douchenozzle Dallas,” has words of wisdom for how to deal with the fucking Neanderthals in the creative department… As she puts it… Too much information makes the poor fuckers eyes glaze over! Pretend like you’re in a diner and ordering from a menu of marketing options and your talented creative team will then go whip up your dish. Tell us what we're making, what ingredients we need to include -- and who we need to deliver it to. Then, get out of the kitchen. Well fuck me Lauren, that’s brilliant. From the picture accompanying the article, you look like you have at least two years experience under your belt. You should go far in this fucked up biz!

When I grow up I'm going to be a creative dude and kick the AE's fat ass!