The word on the street is that Dell engineers are developing a series of prototype devices that will resemble Apple's iPod Touch but are slightly larger and lack cellular capabilities. In other words, they will be fucking useless! Nevertheless, Dell’s “Agency of the future” Enfatico/Y&R/WPP is working its nuts off and getting all its Enfatalytics in a row to have the launch advertising ready no less than two years after these iPod killers hit the street. In the meantime, Michael Dell has advised the Poisoned Dwarf that if he has to rely on “Save my Ass – Mother” one more time, WPP will be Mother Fucked forever!
Been there... Fucking done that!
loved this bit:
"Dell will begin selling the Internet access device later this year, though the plan could be scrapped."
planned obsolescence???? hell, they've already got the tombstone carved!
Posted by: the lower depths | July 01, 2009 at 02:37 PM
Make it half the price and people may respond.
Posted by: Auntie Christ | July 01, 2009 at 02:57 PM
Scrap the ARM processor, drop in a GeForce mobile processor (assuming GeForce has finally figured out the power consumption issue) and a half-way decent RAM alotment, and I'm listening.
Posted by: Windy City Smartass | July 01, 2009 at 03:26 PM
the iPod touch has no cellular capabilities either.
Posted by: wonderer | July 01, 2009 at 03:38 PM
The iPod Touch does have cellular/wireless capability, just not voice protocols. You can download almost anything wirelessly to your Touch, music, books, games...etc.
Posted by: oy | July 01, 2009 at 06:25 PM
Remember the Dell Digital Jukebox? How about the Ditty? Of course you don't, because you didn't buy one. Neither did anyone else. They were friggin' awful. I see little reason to believe the outcome of this venture will be any different.
Posted by: phillybikeboy | July 01, 2009 at 07:26 PM
Oy, the touch has no cellular capabilities. if it did it would be an iPhone , not a touch dumbass. It does have wireless but that is not cellular.
Posted by: wonderer | July 01, 2009 at 08:01 PM
Wonderer,
My company's biggest client is a cellular company provider.
The words "cellular" and "wireless" in this case are often interchangeable.
Their IT techs say you are incorrect. I think I am going with them.
Posted by: oy | July 01, 2009 at 08:15 PM
Wonderer
One more thing.
The iPod Touch recieves Tweets.
Tweets move with cellular technology. Therefore, iPods are cellular.
Posted by: oy | July 01, 2009 at 08:23 PM
wireless, I'll grant you is interchangeable. cellular refers to working on a cell phone network. ie. making calls. if the touch does that i'll agree with you. if not, may i suggest your IT techs are playing semantics.
Posted by: wonderer | July 01, 2009 at 08:23 PM
well so will the dell:
The Wall Street Journal chimes in on talk of Dell's Android smartphone with the bit that it's not a smartphone (yet), but a media player with Wi-Fi, a la iPod touch or Zune HD.
i can receive tweets on my desk top computer which has only an ethernet connection to the outside world. that doesn't make it cellular double dumbass. would love to see some of the claims you are making on behalf of your poor client! the touch gets them through a web app over wireless.
Posted by: wonderer | July 01, 2009 at 08:34 PM
tweets from phone to phone are cellular technology
No, your computer isn't a cell phone. ( No wonder you call yourself the wonderer)
However there are internet protocols that allow tweets to go online.
the iPod Touch is cellular.
Go call Apple if you're still an asshat
tell you what, go call your therapist and tell him to increase your dosage no matter how small it makes your dick
Posted by: oy | July 01, 2009 at 08:38 PM
Apple: "This is Apple technical support. What device are you calling about?'
Wonderer: "I am calling about the iPod Touch. I just wanted to know if it's considered cellular technology."
Apple: "Yes, the iPod Touch is a cellular device."
Wonderer: "Are you sure? I mean I can't make calls on it."
Apple: "The iPod Touch uses cellular technology to download content, and social media content. So yes, the iPod Touch is cellular. Cellular is a transmission protocol, that sometimes includes voice portocol. No we don't advise trying to make calls on your iPod Touch. But it is a cellular device."
Wonderer: "But....."
CLICK...
Now who's the dumbass? I'm thinking it's you.
So is everyone else.
Posted by: oy | July 01, 2009 at 08:46 PM
Don't get me wrong. The Touch—like virtually every Apple (AAPL) product coming out of Cupertino, Calif., these days—is a beautiful device. Relieved of cellular and Bluetooth radios, the Touch is thinner and, at 4.2 oz., half an ounce lighter than the iPhone. It shares the same sleek scratch-resistant glass screen and metal finish.
can we be done ass wipe? I promise not to share this with your poor client. Mind you, if the touch is cellular, then they probably offer it on a monthly plan......... NOT
Posted by: wonderer | July 01, 2009 at 08:46 PM
I gots to have cellular capabilities whatever they are.
Posted by: drunk on technology | July 01, 2009 at 08:48 PM
From your product copy, I can tell why you were laid off and spend all day scouring the blogosphere looking for fights.
Posted by: oy | July 01, 2009 at 08:55 PM
@oy and @wonderer.......
who gives a shit either way?
But if I may......
tweets are neither cellular or wireless........
they are.....
cosmic shit heads taking cosmic dumps through a metagalactic ocean of intercosmic emptiness depleting true human capacity to further rational thought into non-existence
in a distressed attempt to be understood.
Posted by: methinksdifferent | July 01, 2009 at 11:51 PM
oh sorry, i almost forgot......
when are these stupid fucking pc companies gonna figure out that their shit sucks and can't compete with apple?
the only reason their still in business to begin with is because their shit falls apart every 2 years and most people are fucking clueless.
if apple really wanted to bury these pc MF's, all they would have to do is offer steep steep discounts for a year to get the idiots that keep buying pc shit on board.
Posted by: methinksdifferent | July 02, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Get yourself a Sony Walkman and listen to a c90 tape you made of Frampton Comes Alive on vinyl. Old school will rear it's head again.
Posted by: Auntie Christ | July 02, 2009 at 05:42 AM
@ methinks: you'll love this, re:twitter:
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/220019/june-29-2009/jeff-goldblum-will-be-missed
"i can haz cellphone wiz my mp3?"
i cannot haz cellphone wiz my mp3s?"
either way, you just know Dell will make a truly crappy product for 2 reasons:
A: they don't have the clear leadership needed to drive this product…
B: they don't have the design talent to create this product…
these guys follow, they don't lead. the Adamo made some design splash, was received with luke warm reviews and that was that for the front runner. everything else just sort of looks and preforms like everything else.
they've already announced that it will be larger, have less capacity and functionality AND cost just a bit less. if that's not a recipe for failure?
and they've wrapped themselves with the protective "it might not even happen" press release…
Posted by: the lower depths | July 02, 2009 at 07:59 AM
George,
Great line at end of story...Mother Fucked! That's funny...and I know funny.
Irony 13
Posted by: Irony 13 | July 02, 2009 at 08:36 AM
Can't you use a Bluetooth headset and Skype with the iPod Touch.
Posted by: AgencyBS | July 02, 2009 at 07:32 PM
Oy, Wonderer is correct. Check Apple's own website.
The iPod Touch specs are here: http://www.apple.com/ipodtouch/specs.html. There are three specs listed under "wireless":
- Wi-Fi (802.11b/g)
- Nike + iPod support built in
- Maps location-based service
Current iPhone specs are here: http://www.apple.com/iphone/specs.html. There are four specs listed under "Cellular and Wireless" (the category heading alone has already answered the question, but...):
- UMTS/HSDPA (850, 1900, 2100 MHz)
- GSM/EDGE (850, 900, 1800, 1900 MHz)
- Wi-Fi (802.11b/g)
- Bluetooth 2.1 + EDR
UMTS/HSPDA and GSM/EDGE are cellular protocols. Wi-Fi is not.
The iPhone has a cellular radio in it. The iPod Touch does not.
How can this be any more clear?
re: Tweets
Tweets are Internet-based, hence they can be accessed via Touch with a Wi-Fi connection to the Internet. You can set up your Twitter account to send your tweets to your phone via SMS if you wish. But they will only show up on your Touch via Internet, either through a Twitter client app or through the Safari app. But if an Internet connection via Wi-Fi is not active on your Touch, you will have no way to receive Tweets.
All that being said, Dell clearly needs new leadership, as they are on a very expensive and time-consuming fool's errand, nothing more.
Posted by: hansthecat | July 16, 2009 at 02:58 PM