Enfatico emphatically promises to emphasize Dell... Soon!!!

My good mate, high jive, pointed me in the direction of today's AdWeek announcement that the Poisoned Dwarf's dedicated in-house agency for the Dell business, Impetigo... Ooops, Enfatico, has skillfully postponed creating its first ad for its one and only client by announcing the hire of a "Chief Talent Officer!" Rumor has it that her first task will be to persuade the creative department to stop doing agency ads featuring heavy construction hardware and get them to do the odd one with some Dell Computer hardware. According to the piece there are 800 employees on board so far, with another 200 to go... So just what the fuck have they been doing for the last eight months? The new CTO, Lisa Fabuloso... Ooops, Fabiano will no doubt have to travel the world checking out Enfatico's 15 offices in such hell holes as New York, Austin, San Francisco, Miami, Toronto, Sao Paulo, London, Copenhagen, Bangladesh, Beijing, Tokyo, Singapore and Sydney. Fuck Bangladesh, but the rest aren't short of five star hotels and hot an cold running hookers. Remember how I used to have a "Julie Clock?" Maybe I should start an "Enfatico Clock." to see how long it is before they come up with a Dell ad!!!

Every Enfatico office has one!

Comments

[1Letterman]

One of Empatico's "talent recruiters" issued me a one sentence "send me your portfolio" off his iPhone last week.

Didn't even contain my name as a greeting. Jeepers, I wonder if it was a blanket, unprofessionally, cheesy, classless, rookie direct mail-ish sorta thing?

No mention of salary. Location. Position. Nothing.

Yeah, I'm real jacked up to check into that. Especially considering how Dell is doing so well now and all.

Those two deserve each other. Empatico (or whatever) apparently has REALLY bought into the Dell model.

Blanket request parts, finding the cheapest you can, and then just throw them into a machine and hope for the best.

[The Founder]

Well something is going on there... they just signed a 100,000 s/f office in Manhattan for a 10 year lease... though their contract with Dell appears to be only 3 years... what's gonna happen if there is a review?

[Edw3rd]

Hey Founder - Maybe they're consolidating office space for Enpatico with what remains of the Red Cell Network? Shoulda called it Impetigo!

[Tom Messner]

Impetigo?
How old are you George? That's a word I haven't heard since my grandmother diagnosed some relative.
When you came over on that boat, was scurvy still prevalent?

[George Parker]

Tom
Ahaaa me hearty... Yes, but thanks to the rum and limes we kept it at bay. Remember Churchills description of what drove the British navy... Rum, the lash and buggery.
The good old days.
Cheers/George

[classified -]

Ok I think the other shoe is dropping... hearing leaks that some of the former agencies are getting their contracts renewed by Dell.

[East Side]

Implodetico yo.

[the lower depths]

did we really expect anything else, classified?

half a year goes by, most agencies have done their summer spots and are moving onto Super Bowl territory, and all they have to show for it is an empty office. at the current rate of fire/hire due to the screwed economy, most shops have already gone through 200 people!

actually, other than a salary, what is on offer?

client list: none

portfolio/work: none

tradition/track record: none

identity/sense of self: none

and outside of a very expected "not what you expected" website, poorly photoshopped self promo ads and the extension of old work, no evidence of industry to judge by

i'd keep digging to check out that Dell is handing out work to other shops. there's an awful lot a stake here and i don't think deciding what color the new office space should be and where the soda machine goes qualifies as progress on behalf of the client after 6 months.

[Auntie Christ]

Are they announcing this to help fill out the TOP 20% of creative positions? Or perhaps they don't really have ANY creatives on board to speak of, but the rest of the agency (account, media, traffic, production, legal, reasearch) is all there waiting for the magic to happen.

A bigger question is what big idea is Dell working on right now?

[Bob]

Heh, George, you stole my Impetigo joke from weeks ago.

I want compensation. Zele Absinthe would be acceptable.

As would some of those hookers you mentioned.

Preferably at the same time.

[tore claesson]

Knowing that several highly competent former Ogilvy creatives was, at least recently, available, I truly wonder what sort of qualifications Empatico might be looking for? We're talking several guys with years of IBM experience. Awards to their credits. Could have hit the ground up and running.

[Bob]

Tore, I understand Impetigo is looking for a very particular type of creative:

http://www.clinical-virology.org/gallery/images/non_viral/impetigo-1.jpg

[Studio Maven]

The main qualification is quantum flexibility (the ability to bend over and play pin the tail IN the donkey, while the poisoned dwarf charges at you with a cape and a quart of 10w40).

[indaknow]

This week's adage reports Dell's CMO Mark Jarvis earned $15 million compensation including private jet travel from his house in CA to Austin. He didn't even move for the job! I also heard Casey Jones has finally "extended" himself with Dell mngt after just a year in the role making all kinds of promises. I'm sure WPP will be hit with non compliance as other agencies continue to be retained as a safety net. So much for the grand plan...

[Enfant]

Is Enfatico yet another contradictory agency? They have traditional ad people in charge, at least in the creative ranks, yet the work warrants “below-the-line” workers. It’s straight up direct response, with plenty of brochures and basic b2b collateral. That’s a specialized individual—and likely a salary considerably lower than ad creatives. Otherwise, they’d have filled the slots by now. I’m guessing the CDs can’t find people with cool work capable of handling the real work—and the pay cut.

[Edw3rd]

WPP learned nothing from their previous (successful) experiences at global wins: overpay some proven hunters to deliver early wins, then bring in the wrists to milk the cow. That's what happens when you put some wanker from Grey in charge rather than someone who has done this before! And without equity, why would anyone worth their salts take this gig now?

[sean]

I had impetigo when I was a kid.

[indaknow]

Dear Edw3rd, I presume that "wanker from Grey" you refer to is Robert "Bob" Berenson, the best buddie and protector of Dell's VP/Marketing Casey Jones. Together with Mark Jarvis, they have concocted one big f/up in the making. And I agree with Enfant, the agency is a below-the-line assignment with some TV thrown in.

[Edw3rd]

Indaknow must know...

For all the strategic talk about knowledge management, long hallways, and McKinsey-esque talenting, it is thoroughly disappointing to shareholders to ponder this failure of execution.

Sir Martin desperately needs a new line of direct reports. But how can he put a 30 something in charge of a billion dollar, multi-continent line when all they've ever managed is a single digital magic 8-ball and they think a visa is what gets them into a b-ball game.

[Richard-in-Russia]

Edw3rd

Tell us what you really think...

Listen, I don't care who they've put in charge. The proposition is pretty much the same as DraftFCB - through the line, ROI, metrics and data-mining, blah, blah, blah. It hasn't worked for Draft, and it's going to be tough to execute for ostensibly a start-up.

Indaknow is spot on - BTL with a bit of TV thrown in (and that will be DRTV, no doubt).

Our business was always, and still is, about talent. And if your proposition can't attract real creative talent, you've got no chance.

Exhibit 1: Draft FCB. Exhibit 2: Might well be Impetigo, so we'll have to wait and see

[Edw3rd]

Richard-in-Russia,
I always do!

[Gymkata]

Someone would have to be mind-numbingly desperate and/or batshit crazy to take a job at Impetigo. Even in the traditional press, they're making the place look like a train wreck. And they're being charitable compared to the blogs.

[George Parker]

Richard and Ed...
Fuck waiting... I never do... I like to call it ahead of time. Yeah the Poisoned Dwarf signed a 3 year deal... But Michael Dell is a smart fucker. If it doesn't work, he'll pull the plug. What it would cost him is fucking peanuts compared to what you can lose in the IT biz, as you both know. Then the little fucker is stuck with all those bodies, all those offices, and Kens expense account!!!
Cheers/George