The "Poisoned Dwarf" says... Emphatically - Enfatico!!!

So, DaVinci - Synarchy - Douchenozzle - Whatever, has finally transmogrified into "Enfatico!" And, in case you are wondering just what the fuck that means, AdAge points out today that the "Wiktionary" definition is a combination of Emphatic and Pompous! Or as my old mate Ken Segall puts it... "We believe Enfatico will become synonymous with a new standard for integrated marketing, insightful creativity and collaboration in the client-agency relationship." Mmmm...never heard that before! Still, what the fuck, if I was pulling down the dumpster loads of money Ken is, I'd say whatever the fuck I thought would keep the "Poisoned Dwarf" happy in his Harrods basement flat, before he goes out and rips the ears off whoever in the WPP empire dares suggest he has been having it off on the board room table with the latest minionette. For a real giggle though, go to the section on the web site that deals with "Enfalytics." I would have said Ken wrote that when he was drunk... But I know Ken doesn't drink... So, do you think he seriously believed this when he wrote it? Who the fuck knows... Anyway, I guess Landor and associates finally gets to cash the multi-million dollar "Corporate ID" deign check. Which doesn't really matter, 'cos it's all going in the same rancid WPP pot... And in the final analysis, it's all coming out of Michael Dell's pocket!

Remember what Howard Gossage said about the futility of using a $20 sledghammer to drive a 5 cent thumb tack?

Comments

[euronut]

George, excuse my salty language, but, fuck that place.

[bg]

I have Enfatiguo from just reading about all the name changes.

[the lower depths]

if only Pickle wasn't taken...

[Clemenza]

It's hard to imagine that they settled on a name that's actually worse than Synarchy. What the fuck?

[Auntie Christ]

"Zero-legacy environment." What the hell is THAT? Usually if people boast that they are the first this or a never before that, then they really have nothing concrete to say about themselves. Besides, I thought Hughie Dewey and Louis did this first. Look at how that worked out.

[Thunderblast]

Does anybody believe that this is going to be more than an in-house agency for Dell?

[popgoestheweasel]

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Where shall I begin? Here: From the Enfatico Website we get this gem on how they describe themselves:

"... a hyper-responsive, truly integrated marketing agency designed from the ground up to create value for our clients."

Make that, client. Singular. Every start up in the world built from the ground up aims to create value. Yawn.

Then the Website goes on to tell us that they're:

"A billion-dollar agency based on a 99-cent idea. To better allocate scarce marketing dollars, we’ve developed EnfatyliticsTM — {WELL SOMEONE FUCK ME BACKWARDS WITH A TELEGRAPH POLE ... ALL THESE YEARS WE'VE ALL BEEN DOING IT WRONG!!!!!} our proprietary cross-channel analytics engine. (WILL SOMEONE TAKE OUT A CONTRACT ON THE AUTHORS OF THIS KIND OF SHITE, PLEASE?) Think of it as X-ray vision to see inside customer behaviors and the forces driving performance. Enfatylitics combines technology and insight to enable strategic, media and creative decisions in real time as the market changes. It also enables predictive modeling that helps drive smart decisions about where and how to invest."

Come again on this, chaps? In English, if you please. Thank you so much.

Then there's this:

"Our ever-evolving think tank. By design, Enfatico will forever remain a work in progress. We’re free of history, (NONSENSE ... WHAT ABOUT ALL THE CRAP THEIR STAFF WILL BE BRINGING TO THE TABLE) so we’re free of constraints. We recruit creative thinkers from nontraditional talent pools. We blur the line between art and science. (SO DOES APPLE) We’re media-agnostic, idea-agnostic and afternoon-snack-agnostic. (BUT NOT CLICHE AGNOSTIC) We seek out technology that makes us more nimble. (WILL THEY BE TAKING BORADS TO CLIENT PRESNTATIONS BY BICYCLE?) We’re open to any idea that gets us closer to each other and closer to our clients and their customers. (HOW ABOUT BY SHUTTING THE FUCK UP?)

Can anyone see them hiring sanitation workers? Or electricians? Perhaps a couple of plumbers, police officers, and teachers? No. Nor can I.

Nice Website, shame about them having no work, one client, and an exclamation point hidden in their logo. All the better to add to the end of the next sentence. What the fuck!

[Auntie Christ]

One word: Enfatycide.

[popgoestheweasel]

I propose a new medium.

Here, I unveil my plan to the world.

Henceforth, all goods and services shall be publicized via the bold, brand new, barrier-free, no holds barred, ideas from all comers.

This will spell the end of traditional media. A bold new horizon awaits.

Ladies and gentlemen, come, take my hand and join me as we launch into the bold new beginnings of ... drum roll please ...

Markvertisation!

Ta'dah!

In markvertisation, message centric, client end user metrics convey space, timelessness, and qunadry free thinking for your goods and services an their every manifestation.

The world shall be mine! Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!

[LAM]

Hey Pop, umm let's run that up the flag pole and see who salutes...jesus, don't spread it around...there are too many fools who will probably "embrace" it. It'll be the next Adweek cover...."Markvertisation 4.0"

[OyVey!]

They just opened a healthcare division:

Impetigo!

[HighJive]

Didn't even notice the exclamation point in the logo until others called it out. Does it not bear a resemblance to the iconic logo for E! networks?

[OyVey!]

It's not as clever as the hidden arrow in the Fedex logo.

[Hack!]

Yeah, but the arrow in the FedEx logo makes sense—it conveys speed and direction from a delivery company. In the world of advertising and marketing, an exclamation point usually symbolizes the type of outdated, disruptive hype you’d expect from a stereotypical direct marketing hack—FREE! SAVE! BUY NOW! Wonder how long before Enfatico declares: GOING OUT OF BUSINESS!

[Edw3rd]

Yep, I count one creative and nine suit's. Definitely a break from the past. At home anywhere in the world...

Georgie, didn't you produce some ads for Zegna on that theme?

[George Parker]

Edw3rd...
Yes indeed, you can see the Zegna ads in the book I did for Hubert Graf called "In Celebration of Print." It's in my "Worthwhile Books" side bar. I think you can still get copies on Amazon for about ten cents... Along with Donny's opus!!!
Cheers/George

[Edw3rd]

Always Sellin', eh George?
That's why they keep on hiring you.
(some may think I got a cut of the revenue for all the lobs I toss, but, no...)

[popgoestheweasel]

My new shop will be name for its founding partners: WatkinsThompkinsFerkins.

WatkinsThompkinsFerkins. We get it. And so will our clients. And in more ways than one!

There will be no arrows or exclamation points in our logo, and no commas between the names of the fictiional founders.

When any client sees the ground-breaking new work we do, and whenevetr they receive a bill, our our initials will say it all.

WatkinsThompkinsFerkins. We're different. Remember. When you've got a tough marketing problem to crack, think WTF.

[Ken Segall]

Greetings all. Ken Segall here, CCO at Synarc-- I mean Enfatico. First, I'd like to damage George's reputation by reminding everyone that I am, as George puts it, his "old mate." Second, thanks for all the comments. A bit like target practice in here, isn't it. (Kindly post URLs so I can see your work too.) As you may know, I have a lengthy history with Apple, and I'd guess that you liked some of the things I did before. We've all worked in great places and wretched places. Believe it or not, I joined Enfatico to help build the place I've always wanted to work. Can't guarantee success, but hey, at least we're trying. Come visit sometime.

[George Parker]

Ken... "My Old Mate" Welcome aboard. As I have said... I wish you luck. But I don't envy you. The pressure is on. Between Michael and the Poisoned Dwarf... It s' going to be all about the numbers... Orders... Keeping that direct channel filled. Don't make any vacation plans. Still, as I am sure you're making a kings ransom... Good for you... But never forget... The beady eyes of the AdScam Army will be watching.
Cheers/George

[100w33]

a couple of red flags spring out from their site:

- a "hyper-responsive" agency
- "in the pursuit of faster and better"

both of those things are hallmarks of agencies driven by fear. say what you will about draftfcb, but as an opening shot from a brand-new agency, it doesn't bode well.

[the lower depths]

it does have that "knee jerk reaction" ring to it...

a long time ago, a friend told me about a saying that applied to anything you have to craft (ads, cars, programs)...

you can have it:

A: cheap

B: fast

C: good

pick any two, you can't have all 3. so far, it's proven true. starting by grand promises and showing up months late with anything certainly has some red flags thrown up....

[Sam]

Just out of curiosity, what species of animal has crawled up your collective asses and died? Why, oh why, oh WHY do you give a good god damn about this agency? What is the nature of your obsession? Have you nothing better to do with your time?

[Marilyn]

All this fuss about a new agency with an unusual name. Enfatico certainly is attracting attention with all the four-letter words you guys are hurling at it.

I'm intrigued with their desire for iconoclasm. They've dared to take a chance with their name/image/website - ultimately to distinguish themselves as the new kids on the block. Good for them.

Dell is already committed and needs a boost. Let's see where Enfatico takes them.

The rest of you need to find something else to occupy your time.

[Raun Pol]

Hands up - who's voting Ron Paul?
Enfatico will change advertising FOREVER!!!!