Is Draft/FCB turning into the Exon Valdez of the adbiz... Waddaya mean "turning?"
As you may notice in the comments section of my last "Cuss-O-Meter" post, someone inside the "Agency from Hell!" Namely Draft/FCB, is pointing out that the water cooler information machine at 100w33rd is busily churning out the news that the twenty five poor souls escorted off the premises on Friday may in fact, just be the tip of the iceberg compared to what is shortly to come hurtling down the fucking pipe. Even though I feel fucking sorry for all the poor schmucks who will be taking it up the arse (No. Laurence, not that way!) It couldn't happen to a worse agency. I hope this will be a salutary lesson to every BDA out there that "what goes around comes around." The sad part is that, as usual, the troops get fucked, while the scum sucking douchenozzle management simply floats above the fetid fucking pool of shit they have created. No doubt, they, along with Michael Roth, will reward themselves with gargantuan fucking "Performance" bonuses at the end of the year. Wankers!
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Hughie, Dewey & Louie would like to buy you a drink!
GP, Like other IPG agencies, (CE) we are not laying off, simply put we are adjusting personnel assignments in response to growth areas in our business and to strengthen our competitive edge.
poor IPG how can one holding company have that many shitty agencies? Dumb Fucks that they are.
Posted by: Mike Roth | April 26, 2008 at 05:08 PM
Sometimes a structure is so dilapidated that it is better to bust it up and rebuild. These could be good companies. They have a good number of talented, decent individuals. It is the age old problem of managerial arrogance. No one should ever lead an entity that they have never performed in. Give these jerks the cash and send them on their way. I've been through this several times and it is no joke when you have to bust up your savings and retirement just to survive. I have many friends there and they can count on my help and all the cold ones...
Posted by: Studio Maven | April 26, 2008 at 09:31 PM
The appalling thing is that there is NO accountability for Howard, Laurence and Jonathan NOR Michael Roth - Howard's asshole best buddy. They WILL walk away with undeserved dollars when the place finally implodes. The fact that Jonathan Harries is still the Global ECD is especially frightening. He's basically just an employee who has NEVER had any talent - he's nothing more than a political self-serving douchenozzle with an enormous skill base for sucking up. There really are some good business units within the IPG mix...Draft/FCB not among them. D/FCB should be put out of business as well as the IPG management team - I agree, "someone" should bust up IPG and put some of the more successful business units under the McCann World Group, for example. IPG consistently dumps on their business units in order to deflect their responsibility in the mess for which IPG management is solely to blame. These incompetent thugs should NOT get cash - they should simply be sent on their way. The shame of all this is that the IPG board is comprised of some of the laziest idiots around. For example, they've kept on an incompetent jerk who's the head of HR at IPG (and last known was bringing down $l.6 million a year)because he has some kind of irrelevant knowledge of some program/system that is of little value in our industry. They guy is clueless about the marketing communications business...he came out of the pharma industry...just like his boss who was a failed insurance executive.. WHEN is the IPG board going to wake up and get rid of these thugs who are taking money under false pretenses.
Posted by: LAM | April 27, 2008 at 12:53 AM
The appalling thing is that there is NO accountability for Howard, Laurence and Jonathan NOR Michael Roth - Howard's asshole best buddy. They WILL walk away with undeserved dollars when the place finally implodes. The fact that Jonathan Harries is still the Global ECD is especially frightening. He's basically just an employee who has NEVER had any talent - he's nothing more than a political self-serving douchenozzle with an enormous skill base for sucking up. There really are some good business units within the IPG mix...Draft/FCB not among them. D/FCB should be put out of business as well as the IPG management team - I agree, "someone" should bust up IPG and put some of the more successful business units under the McCann World Group, for example. IPG consistently dumps on their business units in order to deflect their responsibility in the mess for which IPG management is solely to blame. These incompetent thugs should NOT get cash - they should simply be sent on their way. The shame of all this is that the IPG board is comprised of some of the laziest idiots around. For example, they've kept on an incompetent jerk who's the head of HR at IPG (and last known was bringing down $l.6 million a year)because he has some kind of irrelevant knowledge of some program/system that is of little value in our industry. They guy is clueless about the marketing communications business...he came out of the pharma industry...just like his boss who was a failed insurance executive.. WHEN is the IPG board going to wake up and get rid of these thugs who are taking money under false pretenses.
Posted by: LAM | April 27, 2008 at 12:54 AM
You only have to look at the recent Clio Awards finalists to see what a great job Global ECD Harries is doing. Globally they have about 3 finalists. To make matters even more embarrassing there are no finalists from the head office in New York. Other New York agencies managed to make a respectable appearance, the likes of BBDO, Saatchi & Saatchi, JWT, TBWA/C/D, even Devito/Verdi (a shop we don't hear much of these days) made an appearance. It goes to show that draftfcb is just a behemoth made up of processes and mediocre creative solutions. Mediocrity loves company, so these guys are in very good company. Hey all you creative guys at draftfcb here is a little news for you, creative greatness has to come from the top down. Without great creative leaders globally and locally you may as well just sit back and enjoy the ride downhill. But then again according to a post last week the people there are only interested in winning Howie Awards, the pinnacle of achievement in their eyes. I wonder how much they will get for their Howies when they hock them at the local pawn shop after getting their lay-off notices. Alternatively they may be used as door-stops to hold the agency doors open as many of the troops from the trenches get a firm kick in the ass with their meagre severance pay in hand. The constant demise of this agency is at least more entertaining to watch than the Presidential race. I am wondering who will be first to write a book about the draftfcb train wreck once it finally de-rails. George, this could be your next book, you certainly have enough entertaining fodder to fill quite a few pages. It would most likely become the textbook of choice at business schools about what not to do when considering a merger.
Posted by: Madison_Man | April 27, 2008 at 08:13 AM
LAM... You should email me... I have a pretty good idea who you are... And although I have been acused of driving people to their deaths... I am well known for keeping the identities of my various commentors and informants very private. As Madisonman says, it would make a great book... But as you well know, I would never be granted interviews, let alone information from the thieves involved... But, there are other ways of digging up the shit.
Cheers/George
Posted by: George Parker | April 27, 2008 at 03:45 PM
George: I don't "blame" you for thinking you know who LAM is. First, there's the less than clever handle. But with his advertising pedigree, or lack thereof, the banal should come as no surprise. Then there's the vitriol for DFCB. Me thinks he doth protest too much. All this time on his hands, especially lately, to stew about getting screwed by a BDA. I'm just surprised that you'd want a penpal of his ilk. Even the BDA are smart enough not to be dialing his number. But if the poisoned dwarf gets desperate enough about the situation in Austin LAM will gladly jump back in the ranks of management and start screwig the troops - just like he was doing before he got it up the arse.
Posted by: Adman | April 27, 2008 at 06:49 PM
Adman... LAM was taking it up the arse... Does that mean he was "Louie?" The problem with Draft/FCB is that there are so many douchenozzles, I lose track!
Cheers/George
Posted by: George Parker | April 27, 2008 at 08:57 PM
Adman, give it up pal - you could NOT be more wrong as to my identity...you're wrong on every level... LAM does not stand for anything you think it does...it happens to be the initials of a very close friend who is NOT in anyway in the business and never has been...and I've used their computer and e-mail in the past...and have kept the "moniker." I'm afraid you're totally overthinking things...I don't mind your insulting remarks because they in no way apply...sorry to disappoint...
Posted by: LAM | April 27, 2008 at 10:02 PM
Again...me thinks thy doth protest too much, And again...I don't "bLAMe" you for being upset.
Posted by: Adman | April 28, 2008 at 04:32 AM
i thought LAM was for "like a motherfucker", but then i'm from brooklyn old school...
as for what a Howie is worth at the pawn shop? about as much as any other award. go ahead, take your lion over and check, pencils get more because they make better paperweights, lions are mainly bookends so they need to be sold in pairs.
it's never about what it's worth to the outside world anyway, we talk mainly to ourselves. and along those lines, lions and pencils are worth far more than a Howie or any internal trinket, unless there's a money prize attached.
is there money in a Howie?
Posted by: the lower depths | April 28, 2008 at 04:54 AM
Dear Adman,
I'm not protesting, I'm laughing. Trust me you are so bloody WRONG it's become amusing...too bad, it really doesn't stand for "like a motherfucker," but I kinda like it.......
Posted by: LAM | April 28, 2008 at 05:23 AM
Does anyone besides me NOT give two shits who LAM is?
Posted by: Tanner | April 28, 2008 at 08:01 AM
I'm with "Tanner", who gives a crap who LAM is or what LAM is an abbreviation for. I'm more interested in what he/she has to say.
I have a better puzzle to crack, what exactly does DRAFTFCB stand for? I know the obvious answer, DRAFT + FCB, but a recent discussion at a bar with one disgruntled ex-employee developed into a game of working out what the letters stand for, for example -
Damn
Rancid
Advertising
Fuckers
That
Fake
Creativity
Badly
Anyone else have other versions?
Posted by: Madison_Man | April 28, 2008 at 08:48 AM
LAM,
Don't forget about IPG Legal! Marge Hoey has lost a few clients on her own due to her incompetence (ergo, the nickname Incompetent Marge). Ask the folks at Verizon or Microsoft or Sony...the list goes on.
Posted by: NotNow | April 28, 2008 at 08:49 AM
Agreed: No one should give a shit who I am...I'm just another one of the legions of people who have been screwed over by the senior management of Draft/FCB...who I am is totally irrelevant - this is George's blog, not mine... I honestly don't know Marge...I know people who personally liked her and I don't comment on people I don't know. Sadly, I've had enough exposure and in most cases actually KNOW those assholes who run D/FCB and I do NOT plan to let up on my vitriol until all those fuckers are out of there!!
Posted by: LAM | April 28, 2008 at 09:10 AM
Suck what? I says...No, no no no!
There bees soooo many worflessneess who sit day in and day outs on the deck off the Lithuanian Tanker named DRAFTFCB. They had it registered to a foreign country in case they gots to sink her in the nites. Hey, too bad they porkied the poochie and missed out on Wrigley. Hell that would have lasted bout as long a Julies' hot bush in Howies lap. Come on's everybody, this'n calls for a supabad "SSHHHEEETTT".
Posted by: The Reverend Al Sharpton | April 28, 2008 at 09:38 AM
I have it on good faith that Julie's bush is shaved like a topiary of a lion.
Posted by: Studio Maven | April 28, 2008 at 11:09 AM
DraftFCB is doing perfectly well, thank you all. Harries is a standup guy, no doubt about it. Stop being dicks, you dicks.
Posted by: draftguy | April 28, 2008 at 11:11 AM
What would I do for fun, can vegetables?
Posted by: Studio Maven | April 28, 2008 at 11:30 AM
Draftguy...
OK... You are a fucking parody of a parody... That's the best fucking comment I'v had for years. The only way you could top that is by claiming we are winning in Iraq and Bush is a future Nobel Peace Prize winner.
Cheers/George
Posted by: George Parker | April 28, 2008 at 01:27 PM
Wella wella wella.....who in their fucking right mind would call themselves "Draftguy"? Jesus, ain'ts you gots no respect for yoself? Sheet! How's your 401K? Still buying the IPiG stock? Look again you stupid.....you now have a 201K and your stock keeps submarining below $8. Hey, go give Roth another $8MM and then blow yourself. Don't you feel bad that he hasn't made $100MM yet like David Douchebage Bell? Are you a newbee? Remember when the stock traded @ $60? Probably not...baby you gots ta start thinking outside yo "Buns". Keep yo head up there long enough and you to could be one of O'Keefs official ass wipers. Its good to be king, but kings are men, not "V" boys like your mngt. Man-up, slather up, and squell likes da lil'piggy yos is. God bless the little minds.
Posted by: The Reverend Al Sharpton | April 28, 2008 at 02:44 PM
Oh yeah, Draftguy, Draft/FCB is doing so very well that they got a "C" on their Adweek report card grade and that was clearly a "gift" because for some inexplicable reason the previous editrix loves Howard Draft. Harries a "stand up guy?" What parallel universe are you slogging around in? That's a really, really misleading statement.....Harries is one of the biggest two-faced talentless assholes one could ever meet. I have personally witnessed many examples of his duplicity...basically, the concept of "truth" is not something he subscribes to...
Posted by: LAM | April 28, 2008 at 03:02 PM
I wonder if the sum of the parts is actually worth anything. As I've said in the past, IPGs biggest asset is just the real estate that it has long term leases on.
A Howie was worth $2,000 in expensable dinners when the program started. No shit. Now it may be worth a $25 gift card at Kmart, or a free one-on-one training session in The Gym, if you meet the requirements. Maybe Draftguy cares to enlighten us, if he's actually there.
Rev Al, weel-come. Did you may-bee bangs that Tawana Brawley beetch goood? Yous knows about markeeting as goods as eeny of us Ad Hos, whats with all the speen you throws down in 'da meedia.
LAM, keep bringing the goods. We all have to keep kicking against the pricks.
Posted by: Auntie Christ | April 28, 2008 at 03:04 PM
OK, my trollish comments are too much; I've barely been able to keep a straight face at the keyboard.
I joined DraftFCB quite recently in good faith, on the promise that we would be building a boutique inside a larger agency, and then spreading that 'vibe' beyond the group. Even with low expectations from the outset, the reality has fallen far short. I'm already half way out, as are a number of the creatives, all up and down the chain.
Some are leaving because they've seen the true colors of senior management and their track record of treating employees poorly. Others furhter up the ladder are interviewing elsewhere because they know that there are a lot more layoffs coming and even though they'll keep their jobs, there's no way they can come out of it looking good. The whole creative department is going to get shaken out... the budgets just can't support the size we're at right now, even though all the creatives are stretched thin already. Somebody talked earlier about competing on price: OK, this is exactly what we've done, and it's screwed the pooch. Several senior account staff have done their best to hide the shortfalls but the truth has come to light and neither the clients nor the financial leadership are impressed. Nobody buys the 'wheel', which is just another way to sell process over quality. It will take more than fancy leavebehinds to keep the ship from sinking.
OK, back to polishing my resume.
Posted by: draftguy | April 28, 2008 at 04:01 PM
Oh, god, Draftguy, I apologize if I've said anything nasty to you. I've been there and you have my deepest sympathies. (George, however, had you figured out!) It is beyond any doubt the most god awful place I've ever worked and I've been in this business for a very long time and have worked for many a fucked up agency. D/FCB is uniquely bad - it is so rotten at the top it is totally inconceivable. Hey, most of us need to work and it's totally understandable that you'd take the job...we all do these things on good faith. That's what gets us up every morning: you know, it's that: "How bad could it be?" Draft/FCB is very, very bad. These are horribly corrupt people. I wish you well and hope you find a new position at ANY other shop that makes you happy very soon!
Posted by: LAM | April 28, 2008 at 04:51 PM
Don't worry about it! I was just enjoying stirring up the vitriol, God knows we deserve a bit.
The funny thing is I didn't know about this blog before I started, but it didn't take long to hear about it. Trust me, they read it. And on particularly hot days, it's like watching angry bees.
Posted by: draftguy | April 28, 2008 at 05:37 PM
LAM, hello. It's 2008. The AdWeak Report card issue? Oh, that's right; they don't "issue" anymore. Jesus, ace, you have one of those Viagra "disclaimer" hard ons lasting more than four hours. See a physician immediately! All the blood has drained from your brain.
Posted by: Tanner | April 28, 2008 at 06:48 PM
LAM, the Adweak Report Card issue? Are you shitting me? Who cares. they don't even "issue" and "issue" anymore.
You have one of those four-hour Viagra disclaimer hard ons. See, a physician ASAP. All the blood has drained from your brain.
Got anything to add from this decade?
Posted by: Tanner | April 28, 2008 at 07:01 PM
And one more thing, LAM...you must be an account planner. Taking three paragraphs to say what could be said in a sentence. Have been reading your "War And Peace" blogs for months. Better than Tylenol P.M.
Say something witty (or coherent) in a sentence or less (no, "fuck you" doesn't count).
If you want to publish your own book, link up with Stephan Posterior. Christ, give the rest of us a break, though.
Posted by: Tanner | April 28, 2008 at 07:33 PM
draftguy...
I realized it was something like that. No one in their right mind would say anything nice about Harries. When they won Wal-Mart (for a week!) He went on record as saying they offered better value for the clients money... Yeah, the fucking GCD said that. The guy is a wanker.
Cheers/George
Posted by: George Parker | April 29, 2008 at 06:32 AM
Oh god, I'm sorry about this draftguy. You have my deepest sympathies and apologies if I've said anything personally nasty to you. Good luck in getting out of that hell hole. No one can blame you for taking the job - 1) most of us need to make money and ostensibly they're offering some and 2)we all think, "how bad can it be?" It's that spirit which keeps us going..etc.. At any rate, just beat it out of there as fast as you can because it will definitely NOT get better. The guys running that place are the worst trash imaginable and the healthy thing is to get as far away as possible. I should have detected a note a sarcasm when you stated that "Jonathan Harries is a stand up guy" (George actually did "get it")- Jonathan Harries can't even lie in bed straight: he's such a dishonest, divisive, back-stabbing maggot --JH is the kind of guy who would lie when he doesn't have to just because he can and it comes naturally to him -In fact, he wouldn't be able to distinguish the truth if it bit him in the ass....he's a total douchenozzle!! Get your resume in order and bolt!
Posted by: LAM | April 29, 2008 at 08:36 AM
Tanner - Did it ever occur to you check things out before you run off at the mouth? Go to your local newstand and pick up your very own copy of the irrelevant Adweak 25th Annual Report Card Issue...yeah, it's out there...and yes, it's in print...you dumb fuck...
Posted by: LAM | April 29, 2008 at 01:07 PM
Oh, right. Got it. Sorry. And insightful it is.The 25th Annual, huh? Do you have the whole anthology set?
Thanks for keeping your comments to two sentences or less. See you CAN do it.
And I'll have you know my mom thinks I'm very smart.
Posted by: Tanner | April 29, 2008 at 01:40 PM
I bet you believed her when she told you that you were the handsomest boy in school too!
Posted by: adster | April 29, 2008 at 07:34 PM
wow. tanner, way to go, dead wrong on so much and still a prick... keep on keepin' on...
Posted by: the lower depths | April 30, 2008 at 05:28 AM
Lower Depths, "wrong on so much...." As in?
Posted by: Tanner | April 30, 2008 at 06:44 AM
for one: the interpretation of my joke at LAM's expense,
for two: the availability of Adweek,
for three: your mom doesn't really believe you're very smart, she tells you that so you eat your spinach.
Posted by: the lower depths | May 02, 2008 at 04:53 AM
oh yeah, for foursies: believing that LAM (or anyone) should limit their responses to something your ADD can handle, like 2 sentences, and then trying to be smug about it.
Posted by: the lower depths | May 02, 2008 at 04:55 AM