AdScam/The Horror!

Starbuck's... You are a bunch of fuckups!

The recent news that Starbuck's is closing 100 stores and cutting back on opening a new store every fucking ten minutes doesn't surprise me. I mean anyone with half a brain knows that, yes you can start off with a good product and even get away with charging an arm and a fucking leg for it, as long as most of your stores are in SoHo, BoDo, JoJo and FuckDo. But once you spread out to DumbFuck, Idaho, people don't want to spend the price of a six pack on a Frappo-Latte-Gringo-Chingo. Not when they can now go down to Dunkin Donuts and get a pretty reasonable cup of coffee for a buck. Fuck, if they're a cop, they can get it for free with a box of Homer Sprinkles thrown in. That's why 90% of businesses start off with a good idea, then they get delusions of grandeur and fuck things up. Why do they all want to be zillionaire's... What's wrong with being a  millionaire? I settled for that years ago. Then I spent it all. Buddy can you spare a dime for a coffee. Oh, wait, I fancy a Starbuck's... Buddy, can you spare ten dollars?

.

The ultimate new Starbuck's location!

When it comes to business news. No one does business with Fox!

Has anyone noticed that the much hyped "Fox Business News Network" thing is severely in the crapper? The ratings put it slightly behind "Bud TV" which I know is no longer around... But, you get my point. The whole "Wizened of Oz's" pathetic network along with all its hard nosed, draft evading, neo-con, commentators is finally getting the respect it deserves. Can we expect to hear more of O'Reilly's loofah driven fantasies when he hits on his female employees? Can we expect to see trophy wife Wendy out bimbo-ing the Barbie Doll "News Readers." Now that their favorite candidate "Nosferatu Giuliani" has gone down the tubes, what the fuck do they have left to rant about? Maybe it's time for "The Dirty Digger" to high-tail it back to Oz and enjoy a few "Tinnies" and "Snags" before he finally departs for that great publishing empire in the sky. It won't be before time!

.

Well, if you watch Fox, you certainly did!

More stupid advice on "Marketing!"

There's a really wanky article in today's AdAge... Sorry Jonah, I call 'em as I sees 'em. It's titled "What Marketers can learn from Bill Belichik." Now as far as I know this guy is the coach of the New England Patriots, which I believe is a fucking football team. Yeah I know, in common with all sports these days, it's a business enterprise. But he doesn't run the front office, or arrange sponsorships and TV contracts and all that stuff they teach you in fucking business school. What he does is make sure the 400 pound gorillas pound the shit out of the opposing team's 400 pound gorillas, while the $10 million guy that runs like a fucking gazelle takes the ball over the line, then does a chicken dance. Why can't they be like European footballers (Soccer to you wankers) and kiss each other when they score? Anyway, according to the Dufus who wrote the article, what marketers can learn from a footbal coach is 1. Discipline - 2. Imagination - 3. Respect. Oh fucking brilliant, not to mention original. Just one problem. If the marketer is an MBA, you can rule out number 2. And as far as number 3 is concerned didn't another coach by the name of Lombardi talk about fucking destroying the opposition then turning their babies into jello, or something? Oh, I just noticed the Dufus who wrote this is Joseph Frydl, a director of the branded entertainment and content group at Ogilvy & Mather. Maybe he could "imagine" them winning a decent piece of business sometime in the next five years.

.

OK guys, show the opposition respect... Then kick 'em in the balls!

Draft/FCB goes for the SuperBowl Golden Turd Award!

Agency Spy has a post about the unbelievably fucking awful TV spot Taco Bell is using on the Superbowl to launch their latest addition to the world of inedible food, Fiesta Platters. The 30-second spot was created by their agency, which is none other than Draft/FCB. Set to run during the fourth quarter it is without a doubt, scraping the bottom of even the rancid Draft/FCB barrel. . Debbie Myers, Vice President/media and promotions at Taco Bell says...“Whatever happens, viewers will hang in there, they tune in to watch not just the game, but the ads themselves, the Super Bowl] is the consistently highest-rated program of the year, where people–instead of avoiding commercials–are anticipating and looking forward to seeing them.” Listen Lady... No one in their right fucking mind could look forward to watching this rancid turd. It must have been done after a Jonathan Harries "Creative Rumble! O fucking le!

.

So where do I have to go to bite the nuts off this Draft gringo?

Join me in the "HighJive" supporters club!

My mate Steve Hall of AdRants fame pointed me in the direction of a clusterfuck currently taking place between another mate, "HighJive" and Biegel (I refuse to have sex with that Ninja) and his LawyerHack about what the LegalBagel describes as an accusation that Biegel made anti Dentsu racist remarks... You can read it all here... But here's a tasty snippet... "First, dealing with HighJive himself, he is anything but a neutral observer. If we assume he is not on the Dentsu payroll, then his repeated "essays" on this subject reveal some kind of odd obsession. After all, he cannot possibly have any first hand knowledge of any of the events or players involved." Fuck that's just like Howard "The Gorilla" Draft and Chris Becker accusing the writer of AdScam 9Moi!) of being a disgruntled ex-employee. These fuckers never think that you might be allowed a point of view on subjects they have by their own choice made public. The lawyer sounds like a douchenozzle. But then again, Giuliani is a fucking lawyer. Point proven!

.

So, when they thawed me out, they discovered I was a lawyer!

Rudy takes it in the shorts... Yeah!!!

Life is good... "cos while sucking on a beer, I'm reading with a great deal of fucking glee that uber-wanker, Rudy Giuliani has had his arse severely kicked in the Florida GOP primary. finishing with a miserable 15% of the vote. Yeah... and this after spending shitloads of money, even more than zillionaire Robo-Romney. He gambled everything on Florida, with a non-stop TV campaign for months. Which goes to prove that no matter how much you spend... You can't sell the public a bag of shit... And Rudy is a humongous bag of shit. I lived in New York throughout Rudy's reign. Everyone I know in New York hates his guts. And what the dumb fuck forgot is that Florida is full of retired New Yorkers who probably hate him as well. America's Mayor can kiss being America's President good bye... Fuck you Rudy!

.

Rudy gets out of town!

Wear your Lovemarks with pride!

I just found a new tee shirt for Kevin. Wotcha think?

.

Fuck is the new fuck!

What happened to the bloody comments?

A couple of you have been kind enough to point out that the comments section on my Wendy's post of yesterday is missing! I have no fucking idea why... I don't understand any of this technology shit, even though I wrote about it for years... Even won a Gold EFFIE for an IBM campaign for O&M... Didn't see a fucking penny of the prize moneythough, 'cos I was freelance. So I loaded up the invoices after that. That'll teach the fuckers. Anyway, if ever you need to comment, and can't... Just post anywhere on AdScam. Doesn't bother me, and if it's after lunch, I probably won't even know... Just kidding, I read everything you write... Even when it's fucking nasty! Wonder if Kevin Roberts had one of his minions put a hex on it when they weren't digging up world wide rugby news for him. Lovemarks to you too, Kev!

.

Oooo... Nice pose Kev. Is black still the new black?

Jerry Della Femina - Douchenozzle!

Alec Baldwin has a great column in today's Huffington Post about a piece in Jerry's feeble attempt at a newspaper, the Long Island Independent. Some wanker named Rick Murphy did an outrageous rip into Barack Obama. Or as this prick calls him... YoMama Bin Barack! The column has since been pulled (but you can still read it at Huffington) and the paper has issued a feeble apology. Jerry Della Femina should be ashamed of himself, as a publisher, to run shit like this. Still, as he had to have his fucking book "From those wonderful folks who gave you Pearl Harbor," ghost written for him, with a title like that, racism probably comes pretty easy. Right wing fascist arsehole!

.

This guy is seriously fucking ugly. Inside and out!

Will Saatchi change the world? Naaah!

My old mate, Agency Spy had a post yesterday about a Saatchi wank fest going by the name of “World Changing Ideas Award.“ Maybe Wendy's "Red Wig" fiasco will win the gold... Posthumously! Anyway, amongst the judges is well known Euro Trash designer, Philippe Stark... Who seems to have made a career out of designer things that really piss me off. So here's the comment I left on the site... Maybe Philippe Stark could change the world a bit by persuading his mate Ian Schrager to stop selling his nasty tat in all his dreadful hotels. Or at least, stop putting price tags on everything in your fucking room. I don't need to know that the Stark designed dumbells on the dresser can be bought for $600, particularly when I'm paying that for the room. Which is the size of a fucking cell on death row. And what the fuck does Prince Hassan know about changing the world... Sounds like a load of old cobblers to me! Check out the post... Funny shit.

.

Douchenozzle!!!