Dude... You're getting fucked!!!

OK... Back to the Dell shoot-out. It would seem after seven fucking months, Dell has decided not to go with a BDA (Big Dumb Agency) but with a BDC (Big Dumb Conglomerate.) I am not quite sure of the reasoning behind this. But Corporate America has always seemed to me to be, paraphrasing Winston Churchill - "A disaster, wrapped in a fuck up, run by cretins." Or something like that. I worked on the Dell account for both Chiat and GMO when I lived in California, and I always thought Michael Dell was a pretty smart guy. But this decision completely mystifies me... And believe me, Michael is the guy that still makes the big decisions. He could have done what Lou Gerstener did when he took over IBM and put everything into one shop, O&M, a shop he trusted, 'cos he'd worked with them before and they did good work for him. He didn't fuck around with a seven month shoot out. He just did it... 'Cos that's what he was all about (Which is what Michael Dell used to be all about!) On the other hand, he could have done a Philippe Kahn, (a la Borland) and brought the whole thing in house. The work would suck, but the cost efficiencies would have been great. Now, Dell is going to get the worst of both worlds... The work will still suck, 'cos everyone will be working at a "One-Client-Who-Pays-Your-Salary-Baby-Agency." And the money will be lyposuctioned out by the "Poisoned Dwarf's" Dyson-Like extraction machine. The whole thing is a complete mystery to me. The only good thing about it is, as I said in my pre-cocktail post, Interpublic is now royally screwed. Those bozos had been hanging their fucking hats on winning this. I would love to be a fly on the wall when at the next board meeting, Michael Roth is explaining to all those fuckers why "The New Paradigm in The Agency of the Fucking Millennium," is well and truly fucked. Now we can look forward to what was described in today's AdAge by Casey Jones (wasn't he a fucking train driver?) VP-Global Marketing, Emperor Douchenozzle, Dell, Galactic, Whatever... As "The Greatest Agency in the World!" I give it two years max!!!

OK, so in two years when the gnome-shit hits the fan, we buy IPG for 5 cents on the dollar, Roth kisses my ass, and Draft/FCB sinks without a fucking trace. What's wrong with that?

Comments

[the lower depths]

does anyone think that anything good will come out of this, except of course, for sir martin making an extra few quid?

dell is basically hiring their own Kinko's and paying handsomely for it. the ECD chosen to "lead" this account is in for a fairly dull job... in at 9:30, take orders from the CMO till noon, get tanked, get ordered around by the client side management teams, go home, get tanked, wait till pay day...

[Mick]

This won't even last two years. And neither will Casey (Drivin' that train) Jones. He'll be gone faster than you can say "Julie Roehm Rock Star CMO."

[me]

you're forgetting something... whoever the ecd will be, he'll prolly make 600-800k every single one of those years, plus signing bonus, plus very nice golden parachute to keep his damn mouth shut. they'll just get a bunch of juniors supervised by one mid-level team and he can get sozzled way before noon. in fact, this is an ECD gig where the dude (and don't for a second think it'll be a girl) *only* has to lunch with the CMO once every while and otherwise prevent one or another overly creative concept from making it out of the door.

so to recap: the ECD in question here gets a very plush job that will enable him to either finish his career off with a very nice retirement package (kind of like pharma advertising, where old creatives go to die) or at the very least build a nice house on some golf course from where he can go and freelance his ass out at grandpa-only shops like hill holiday.

shit, I'd take that gig and for the lions I wouldn't win, I'd punish my 5 o'clock hooker a bit more.

[the lower depths]

yeah, hell, what was i thinking? screw the work, gimme, gimme, gimme... wonder who'll volunteer to go into retirement?

having worked on the Intel account, i can say that money aside, the ECD was one miserable S.O.B., but he does get to cry all the way to the nearest saloon...

not sure if that tight hand on the reins from the client helped their cause though... anyone know any numbers regarding the Intel work?

[Auntie Christ]

You guys (lasses) are all describing a civil service job: mindless, predictable, not too hard and decently compensated. After working in viper nest BDAs, where can I sign up?

[thebigmancat]

IPG lost the fucking pitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's ALL THAT COUNTS!!!!!!

EAT SHIT AND DIE YOU ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kypar]

George,
That pic and caption are hilarious!!!!
I really don't understand the decision myself to build you're own 'external' group from scratch. It's going to fail. Personally, Dell could continue their current marcom and just become more innovative with design and integration of their products and their sales would increase. I heard a couple of years ago that Dell's executive staff we're planning on taking over the world for all things electronic and media. I think they took their eye off the ball from their core product for too long. They've become a bore, unfortunately!!

Speaking of starting something from scratch, did you catch the cover story on Publicis and Droga on the recent FastCompany? That's going to fail too.

[Tom Messner]

What, if anything, will succeed?
Or is failure the eventual plotline for all enterprises?
Is Doomsday the day you open your doors?

[thebigmancat]

Roth: IPG Lowers Margin Target
December 03, 2007

See Adweek for details on this shocking news.

[thebigmancat]

Regarding the just-announced decision by Dell to award its $4.5 billion global marketing account to WPP—IPG was the other finalist—Roth was philosophical. "It was great to be in the finals," he said.

Wow - that is pretty philosophical!!!

[kypar]

Tom,
I think there are (or could be) a lot of good or great ideas out there but I think there are better alternatives to forming a "1,000 person" agency to lift Dell's business. Yes, they do need marcom help (website for starters) but the real change has to come from within in product innovation. I don't think it's there anymore and they didn't do themselves any favors by modeling their notebooks against Sony's design or their desktops looking like a Verizon poster or even a Space Heater. I heard these guys were planning to rule the world and crush anybody that got in their way.....(this came from their former CEO 2nd hand). Just think they got too caught up in the Plasma TVs and Home Theater market.

Speaking of Droga's www.honeyshed.com website, that's like QVC meets MADtv (no offense to MADtv). Here the golden rule of Content is King is never more important. If you haven't seen the site take a look at. Here's somebody really abusing the medium. Why they think I'd want this channel running 24/7 on my computer's background is beyond me. Plus, they're pushing products that I have no interest in and they're displayed in such a poor fashion.
The concept is not a bad idea, but I think this pseudo push marketing will have a real hard time winning against viral WOM on the internet.
And it's reportedly a $1 Billion bet on Levy's part?

[bg]

“dell is basically hiring their own Kinko's and paying handsomely for it.”

Classic line.

And when it comes to innovation, I always thought Dell did it by building their brand via direct-to-consumer website distribution. Don't see them innovating any way else, not when your product line relies on Bill Gates to be the DNA of your brand.

[Tom Messner]

Kypar,
I went to the site, the droga site. Only could spend a little time there.
Will go back later today or this evening.
What is it supposed to to do? Does it have a financial objective? Is it self promotion?
Some young people corraled me into a web thing--sketch comedy + blog + anything they shot out of school
www.grownassmen.tv
But it has no commercial objective, just something to display their acting/comedic/writing/shooting abilities.

[Auntie Christ]

"I always thought Dell did it by building their brand via direct-to-consumer website distribution"

That model was only profitable when catalog marketing was the only way you could buy a computer. Today you can go to any box store, electronics giant, office supply store and take your pick of brands/offers/peripherals etc. on your lunch break and be up and running in a couple of hours.

Product innovation is where real money is to be made. Apple and the Japanese have the multimedia/entertainment area sewn up. What's the next breakthrough?

[kypar]

Tom,
I'm not really sure what the site is supposed to be either. Below is the detailed article from this week's Fast Company. From the article I think I get the ultimate goal of it but implemention is sorely lacking from the description (at least through the segments I endured to watch). Plus the product is lacking. For example, right now there are four rapper types pushing slippers. What!?!?

The mini-player is a neat idea for live video but I'd prefer to see that concept from CNN.com so I can listen to real-time news in the background.

Here's a link to FastCompany's article which tells more: http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/121/a-mad-man-gets-his-head-together.html

[Good Ole Mates]

Words on the street are that the Poisoned Dwarf got Dell to agree a 3 year contract term *and* is insisting that sir George Parker accept the role of: Highly Compensated ECD. Supposedly Sorrell claimed only Parker has the award-winning Dell and IBM experience, and Web 2.3 attitude to Deliver A New Dell. Dude!

According to sources at the newly formed, dedicated unit GreyGoose Austin, Georgie is being urged by WPP to reunite his infamous supporting cast, lured by promises of stock and Effie-gold from their post-IBM scattering.

Friends suspect they will use an Austin hotel watering hole as their mailing address in between conjugal visits home...

[George Parker]

Good Old Mates... Yes, oh fucking, yes. Stand by for my posts, momentarily... Check out MadScam... ASAP

[Tom Messner]

Kypar, Thanks for your help. I really appeciate the time and trouble.