A major advertising breakthrough for Coke!

Yesterday the world was given a sneak preview of the revolutionary new ad campaign for Coke from Weiden & Kennedy. It carries the theme "Welcome to the Coke side of life!" That is fucking brilliant!!! Amazing! How do these Ad Wizards come up with these gems? Oh, maybe it has something to do with the fact that they claim to have researched this shit with a panel of 60,000 consumers! As the company so elegantly puts it "this enables us to identify 17 different need states - from having a good time to energy/stimulation - that represents 352 billion unit cases of opportunity! What the fuck does that mean? Mary Minnick, Coke's President of Marketing, Strategy and Innovation (doncha just love those impressive titles?) wants consumers to "consider the brand as the only beverage option after years of viewing it simply as another beverage option! I'll bet Mary reached that earth shattering conclusion after taking her listeners through 200 mind-numbing Power-Point slides. That's when everyone jumped up and started High-Fiving each other. Boy, I need a drink... And it won't be Coke!  

This is my need state for energy/stimulation!