AdScam/The Horror!

Campaign Magazine puts me in my place!

Earlier this month Campaign Magazine, Europe's leading advertising mag (kinda like AdWeek and AdAge rolled into one, but with better writing,) did a feature on advertising blogs. They listed what they consider to be the four best, world-wide. You will not be amazed to find that AdScam is one of them! The other three listed were Weiden & Kennedy's London office, full of info about life in the office, as well as how they all get arseholed in the local boozer after work. AdRag, also one of my favorites, tracking agency news, plus featuring some of the shittier ads BDA's continue to put out. And finally Kevin Roberts (CEO of Saatchi & Saatchi) who the WK people in London describe as a man with a vision for the brand of Kevin! I tend to agree, as this looks more like a Web site than a blog. In the article AdScam is described by Campaign as "An outrageous mix of insults and observations from US Creative Consultant George Parker!" The WK people describe it as "An amusing rant about the shallow and venal nature of the ad industry!" Fucking right... I couldn't have put it any better myself. Wait 'til the book is published... I'll probably get sued shitless. But as Dennis Miller always says... That's just my opinion!

Can we have the awards ceremony in Cannes, preferably on board the Christina O?

Goodby Goodby!!!

In the past I have been the first to tell you about the demise of various accounts deemed to be entrenched for ever in their various agencies. Compaq being a prime example. Loyal readers may remember my thoughts on what would happen to Goodby/Silverstein after Queen Carly got her arse kicked out of HP. After being severely reprimanded by my good friend Gary Elliot (Marketing Emperor of all he Surveys at HP) I ate crow big time... But now, the rumors are flying, backed up by the fact that Publicis in Europe is gobbling up all kinds of peripheral HP business, that would lead me to believe I may have been right in the first place. I'll bet dollars to donuts my other good friend (I only have two) Andrew Willis at Publicis SF is chewing up the Palo Alto carpet of HP headquarters... And why not? Goodby/Silverstein had a good run, they put Carly in leather pants (after massive Photoshop work on the butt) standing next to the immortal garage as it was transplanted to the Great Wall of China, The Pyramids, The Brandenburg Gate etc., etc. They did great stuff (even before Carly showed up.) They also made a shitload of money. So hey, Jeff and Rich... Fuck HP... Oh, and fuck Subway, who needs Jerad? He probably still has a smaller butt than Carly.

The severance package was supposed to include a hair stylist!

More bullshit from Gateway!

Crispin Porter just resigned the Gateway account. No surprises there. This account has been in more agencies over the last twenty years than I've had hangovers. It was bad when it used to be handled in-house in the eighties and Chairman Ted Waite appeared in all the ads dressed as Washington, Moses, Einstein, Hitler or whoever the central character was in the current 12 page tableaux they ran in various PC mags. Apparently simple "farm boy" Ted had an ego nearly as big as "Shogun" Larry. Although, he didn't take people's dogs out behind the wood shed and shoot them as Der Oracle-Fuhrer has threatened to do on occasion.  So what are the odds that this notoriously unstable account is now going to be chased after by every Big Dumb Agency (BDA) in Christendom? Proving yet again what I've been saying for years, that all BDA's are completely fucked up. By the time they get it down to a "short list" of twelve, they'll all spend a million bucks on spec TV, chocolate cows and every other stupid gimmick they can think of The "winner" gets to keep it for a few months. But, everyone's out a shitload of money, current clients have been given short thrift, all the creatives have burnt gallons of midnight oil trying to please arsehole CD's who have no idea what they want... "Until they see it!" Total insanity... But. I guarantee it will happen, and in less than a year, it will happen again. Isn't advertising fun?

Will the next agency in line step forward for a good fucking!

Free Beer!

Apparently a bunch of Danish students at IT University in Copenhagen have come up with "Open Source" beer. According to their Web site Vores Ol, they are more than prepared to give away the recipe, and don't care if you strike a distribution deal with local bars to peddle the stuff. Apart from the brew being a somewhat potent concoction, I think this is a great idea that should be taken one step further. What about a joint promotion with some Swedish IT students promoting "Open Source" sex? Remember the long forgotten campaign Riney did a few years ago for Old Milwaukee Beer that featured the "Swedish Bikini Team?" Imagine getting shit faced while enjoying the company of a bunch of beer bimbos. Forget MADD, this would be MOAB (Mother of all blasts). OK, I'm waiting for the hate mail... But what else is new?

Oh Hal... You lucky dog!

Where the fuck have I been?

In case anyone wonders why I haven't posted for a week (or cares, for that matter.) I've been in New York working on the launch of a European technology company into the US. As I happened to pick the hottest and most humid week of the year to be there, only vast amounts of Boddingtons, wine, gin & tonics, and numerous late night martini's at "Bar & Books" kept me going - Not to mention numerous packs of Camels. (Yes, you can smoke in New York bars - You just have to know which ones!) The New York ad scene is just as fucked up as usual, with everyone bitching and moaning about clients, planners, AE's, producers, their partners etc... etc... etc... They still hang in there, making vast amounts of money, 'til they're laid off, then complain about the injustice of it all... OK folks... Here's the skinny... Advertising, especially the Big Dumb Agency (BDA) version is fucked... It's beyond repair. Time to shine up that resume and send it out to Wall-Marts. Wow... Now I feel better.

IBM - The latest and not so greatest!

Regular readers of AdScam and my long gone AdWeek column, will remember my observation that IBM seems to have a track record of producing some of the best IT advertising around, interspersed with periods of really shitty stuff - Like the "Codernauts," or those geriatric basketball players with names like "Server" and "Firewall" on the back of their jersey's - Well now, they've gone and done it again. Just what the hell is all this stuff they're running for middlewear showing obvious models posing in industrial situations, all wearing boxing gloves? Each situation identifies a specific subset of the softwear that deals with particular problems. The names of each are in different mind-boggling colors... And the boxing gloves are in matching colors, like pink, crimson, florescent green and even heliotrope! How fucking ingenious is that? It's all accompanied by the usual mind-numbing copy that doesn't tell you a goddamn thing about what this shit does. Talk about same old, same old. But it's probably sour grapes on my part, 'cos I did the original launch ads for IBM middleware back in the dark ages (seven or eight years ago) - You can see them on my Web site If you have fuck all else to do. Anyway, it just goes to prove that nothing lasts forever. Except bad advertising, of course.

I said middleware, not underwear!

Steve Jobs... You are a Prince!

Even though, in the past, I have posted somewhat derogatory posts about Steve Jobs, I have to admit I was blown away to read in today's New York Times that Steve had called the father of the kid who was killed a couple of days ago in New York by a bunch of teen age thugs who stole his iPod, offering not only condolences, but also asking if there was anything, anything, anything, he could do to help the family, and if so, they should not be afraid to call him. All I can say is... God bless you Steve. I do not know anyone else, in your position, who would have done that. Again, all I can say is... Wow, and God bless you.

Hey Ray... It's a Kroc of an idea!

According to today's Ad Age, McDonald's is talking to Russell Simmons, P Diddy and Tommy Hilfiger about turning it's pimply, teenage staffers, grease stained uniforms, into hip street wear. Is this the dumbest fucking idea you ever heard, or what? I mean these guys want to be phat, when in reality, they're merchants of fat. According to their consultant, Steve Stoute (That's Stoute, as in lard ass) "McDonald's has evolved and become a lifestyle brand, so let's make the employees relevant to our lifestyle as well." Hey phat guy, I have news for you, anyone with half a brain knows that the McDonald's life style is probably going to take ten years off your life, as well as requiring you to book two seats next time you fly economy. What's next, Armani for KFC?

Yo... Supersize this yo MF

Does Bruce know about this shit?

Seems like Sun Valley's annual blow out for the super rich and influential has hit a snag. The local airport at Hailey (The town Bruce Willis virtually owns) Is making the owners of assorted Learjets and Gulfstreams wait in line to land and take of behind the two seater Cessna's and crop dusters that are the usual inhabitants of the place during the rest of the year. With an estimated 800 or so takeoffs and landings on the first day of the shindig, airport manager Rick Baird is pissed. He wanted to restrict the use of the smaller planes for a few days. The local pilots told him to shove it, and the FAA agreed. All I can say is, I hope Larry Ellison isn't invited, 'cos he might just show up in his MIG fighter (just one of Larry's many toys payed for by all those Oracle license fees.) Can you image, Larry doing strafing runs over Hailey? Not even Mr Die Hard would enjoy that.

Suck on this, Bruce baby!