If you do nothing else this weekend… Watch “Social Media Revolution.” A brilliant parody video out of the UK before it gets buried under a mountain of Queens Jubilee, Wimbledon Tennis, and Olympic Friending/Tweeting fucktardliness. This very short film is the perfect summation of everything I have ever said about this tsunami of irrelevance. Enjoy the weekend.
A free bullshit detector to the first AdScamer to pinpoint the last known whereabouts of Howard Draft!
My, my, how things can change in less than a week. Was it only a few days ago when everyone was wishing they could get hold of a “Back To The Future Delorean,” so they could zoom back in time in order to get in on some of that steaming hot Facebook IPO action everyone was pimping like fucking crazy? Now that the wheels appear to be dropping off the Zuckernozzle bandwagon, some serious questions are starting to be asked. We've got accusations of insider trading with rumors that several top Facebook investors cashed out shares before the stock started spiraling. The slimy banks doing the IPO feeding their “preferred customers red flag info, whilst keeping the average investor in the dark. NASDAQ fucking up big time with repeated tech snafus. Lots of short sales by people who shouldn’t be doing this shit… And to top it all off, ZuckerNozzle has gone AWOL. Going off grid for a honeymoon? This is not the shit that “America’s smartest CEO” should be doing right now. But what the fuck do I know? I’m not America’s richest fucking teenager!
So this crazy guy with a crazy name shows up with this crazy idea... I told him to fuck off, back to the future!
I have to admit, I love the Roman Polanski short film for Prada. Whether or not it will send hordes of fucktards with more money than sense into Barney’s to spend thousands on shit they could buy for pennies down on Canal Street, I have no idea. I don’t care, ‘cos anything with Helena Bonham Carter in it, I could watch ‘til my eyes bleed. Ben Kingsley does a good job too, even though, I am told he is in real life a wanker who insists on being addressed as SIR Ben Kingsley at all times. Just like SIR Richard Branson, another wanker. Anyway, like I said… I love the film. God knows what it cost. Check out the credits as they roll at the end. It looks like there was more people involved in the production than a typical “Rid” epic. But then again, Prada has more bloody money than the Pope.
Oh... And who the fuck is this Helena person?
One of my all time great AdScam “Deep Throat’s” who over the years has sent me some fucking gems from deep inside the rotting carcass of “Agency of the Future,” Draft/FCB, has topped himself with this classic video of Hughie, Dewey and Louie spouting absolute shit about the perfect marriage of FCB creativity with Draft accountability, Dewey bragging about his famous “Idgie” Analytics, and Louie muscling in about ROI, the Wheel, and Insight to Incite. And, of course, all set against the trademark really fucking bad bad soundtrack. This is the video that "kind of puts that coil together in a spring which unleashes creativity" (Dewey and Louie's exact words!) As my great, ex Draft/FCB AdScamer says…I decided to put the whole, unedited, version up on YouTube this weekend. There is a method to my madness. I fully anticipate that the legal honchos at Draft/FCB will have it taken down in a few days. The last time I sent you a link to a Draft/FCB video, was also on the Friday of a 3 day weekend so the video was up for a full 4 days until it was taken down on Tuesday. So get your arse over there and enjoy this classic while you can, ‘cos I guarantee, they won’t be making any more like this!
The reviews are in!!!
If you really, truly, want definitive proof that social networking is well and truly fucked, just look at the news this week that Oracle has coughed up $300 million from Larry’s sushi slush fund to buy cloud-based social marketing platform Virtue. Whatever the fuck it is these guys do, you can rest assured that the cold, clammy hand of Mr. Ellison will sink it in an ocean of bad taste. Have you ever looked at Oracles appalling advertising? It hasn’t changed in years, and it really sucks. Just like the billionaire CEO it is the epitome of bad taste. And the weirdest thing of all, is that his best mate was Steve Jobs, who even took the pictures at Larry’s last wedding (lost count of which one) You look at Apple’s advertising, then you look at Oracle’s… And you have to wonder if Steve ever told him that he should stop running shit that looks like Anacin ads from the fifties. For a hint at what we have to look forward to, this was part of the Oracle PR release… Together, Oracle and Vitrue plan to enable a unified social experience across customer interactions, resulting in meaningful customer engagements with consistent brand experiences across all channels and media; improved return on investment for social sales and marketing campaigns across paid, owned and social media; and enhanced customer service through real-time responsiveness and high touch engagement. Yes indeed, I’m really looking forward to that… Whatever the fuck it is!
Fucking ridiculous!
With its usual impeccable timing… Prior to a holiday weekend, “Agency of the Future,” Draft/FCB is laying off in excess of TWO HUNDRED EMPLOYEES today. This will obviously not include any members of senior management who are ultimately responsible for the truly pathetic fucking track record of this joke of an agency. As usual there is no mention of this on either AdAge or AdWeek. They obviously have more serious topics to report on. Gotta keep your Klout score up… Right guys?
Have you wondered what Howard is up to these days?
Having recently hammered the shit out of the upcoming London Olympics Fest, I recommend reading "You Will Never Not Be Watching The Olympics This Summer." Over at Gawker. They point out that according to The Hollywood Reporter, things are going to be even worse this year, because NBC Universal Networks will be broadcasting 5,535 hours of Olympic Games programming. Which is 2,000 more hours than the 3,600 they subjected us to during the Beijing Olympics. And, as you know, NBC is notorious for those canned stories about the sacrifices the athletes endured to make team USA. Shit about how little Mary Jane used to practice her synchronized swimming routines every morning at 3.00 AM in the horse trough behind the woodshed in Nebraska. And how to pay for all the fucking hair gel and 12 inch eyelashes, Mary Jane’s mom would turn tricks while her dad cooked meth. That’s the fucking Olympic Spirit for you. Fuck watching the actual events, you can’t cut away for a commercial in the middle of a 10K race. Oh, wait a minute, yes you can, and they do! Go Team Capitalism. And Britain will be paying for this forever… No fish and chips for you!
Mary Jane takes no shit!
I’ve written before about my mate Jerry Judge’s, “The Fearless Group” which is one of the better new agencies around, yet the “new” label in no way applies to the people who run it, ‘cos, like me, they’ve been around since Genghis Khan invented the three Martini lunch. So, listen up… These guys have just created a beautiful campaign for Security Benefit (a retirement products company) which premiered during the Billboard Music Awards this week. Now, understand, this is a really noisy event, and the commercials that surround it are usually noisy too. So the old geezers thought what better way to talk about retirement in this context than by turning down the volume? After all, retirement is when you can stop listening to all the shit you have to put up with in BDA meetings dealing with fucktards from BDC’s. No more Power Point, no more datametrics, no more arse kissing, no more wanting to stab the fucking eyes out of a twenty odd year old MBA who isn’t fit to wipe the Peruvian Marching Powder off your desk top. So The Fearless Group developed a campaign that shows a series of simple retirement moments. No cuts. No dialogue. No music. No Tweets. No Klouts. No Facebook. No shit. Watch it, and remember what good advertising used to be all about.
Who said that? Oh, right!
It’s official… TWENTY SEVEN THOUSAND people who helped make Hewitt-Packard a once great company, found out today that they are no longer needed…’Cos, the fourth CEO HP has hired in the last dozen years has decided that in order to save the company, it will be necessary to destroy the company. Meg Whitman, who after blowing a few hundred millions of her own money (actually, eBay money) in a vainglorious attempt to buy political office in California, convinced the brain fucking dead board of directors of HP to hire her in order to “save” the once great company… Has now gone down the well trodden path of laying off the very same people who generate income by creating the shit that delivers income… Yawn… Yawn… Sorry. Stating the obvious here. Hey, not to worry Meg. When they finally boot your arse out of there… You’ll walk with fucking millions. Meantime, the 37 thousand laid off, will be on food stamps. Isn’t capitalism fucking great?
Free at the "going away" party!
AdScammer “Old Ad Guy” makes a good point on his comment to my last post about the list of rich ad fuckers sucking up mega bucks in BusinessInsider, It would seem that half the people on there work for LDHC – MDC, the Canadian holding company, which from a performance point of view really fucking sucks. There’s an earlier BusinessInsider article spelling out the CEO's deal. What’s really interesting is that Nadal (The $24 million douchenozzle) doesn’t actually work for MDC! It would seem that he has a special agreement with his board, which is no doubt firmly in his pocket. He's not an employee, because, as the proxy form states, "The personal services of our Chairman and CEO are provided to the Company through Nadal Management, Inc." Fuck me, I don’t even think Wren, Roth or Sorrell would have the gall to try and pull a stunt like that. As “Old Ad Guy” puts it so well… I think MDC is really a big Ponzi scheme. See, the old geezers always get it right!
Obviously, there's a Canadian edition!
